
Louisiana Anthology
Madison Self.
“Juul Pods.”
© Madison Self.
Used by permission.
All rights reserved.
Dedicated to C. E. Byrd High School
Well, there’s rape and murder in the streets
This city’s in disharmony
I can’t wear white t-shirts cuz
They say it could bring harm to me
I can’t walk outside alone
If it’s dark or no one’s home
Surely there are people paid
To ensure my safety…?
But their biggest concern seems to be…
Juul pods
Yes their biggest concern seems to be
Juul pods
They’re not worried about the guy
Who murdered a group of five
Cuz there’s a skinny white girl somewhere
Probably with heat damaged hair
And she’s like 14, the biggest drama queen
And she’s got juul pods
The news has shootings every night
And children must all live in fright
Cuz lockdowns are the regular
Why won’t they answer our plight?
This city’s ranked so high in crime
And our police are on our dime
To catch the bad guys hurting us
So we can have peace half the time
But they need to watch the highschool bathroom’s
The city pays them to watch highschool bathrooms
Don’t you worry about the thief
Cuz teen vapers cause the real grief
And they puff it in the highschool bathrooms
Maybe there is marijuana too
There’s real criminals walking the streets
But some kid out there has some green
And he’s smoking in the highschool bathroom
There’s a kid at school with cigs
So screw the guy who killed some kids
Cuz they’re not the real criminals
At least according to the pigs
Murder’s up 72% and
We’re the 8th most dangerous and
Our safe index is 3% but
At least they caught that teen with gin
They’re still worried about some weed
And young adults with nicotine
When our city’s so dangerous that
It’s scary to be out past ten
The police don’t even seemed trained
They think the blue force is a game
And hunt down teens for smoking pot
Instead of the violent gangs
So if you want to stay out of trouble
Don’t be a kid with juul pods
Dear God, don’t be a kid with juul pods
Because they’ll bring the dogs and bring the cuffs
For some scrawny kid caught with snuff
They’re searching the school for juul pods
Walk the street at peak crime times
Wear gang merch, you’ll be just fine
Cause they’re wasting time on kids with juul pods.
Text prepared by:
- Bruce R. Magee
Source
Self, Madison, director. Satire Assignment (Plz Give Me a Good Grade Bc This Felt so Awkward Thanks). YouTube, 2 March 2021, https:// www. youtube. com/ watch?v= uDc3mpLHcBc. Accessed 14 May 2022.

L’Anthologie Louisianaise