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THE 



SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



iramatk fotrel 



BY 



CHAELES GAYAEEE. 



SECOND EDITION. 



NEW YORK: 

D. APPLETON AND CO., 340 & 348 BROADWAY. 
1855. 



oj Acf of C>gr*ss, 4n the year 1854, 

Y :,IAI?LS G-AY*,tIRli. 

In the Clerk s O01c or. tl DUtricJ Court of .the ^United States J6r,tke Southern District of New York. 



R. CRA.IOHSAD. PRINTER 

."3 VESEY STREET, N. T. 



/737 



P E E F A C E 



MY object in writing the work which I lay before 
the public under the title of "The School for Politics," 
was to attack evils which have become so serious as to 
be alarming, and not to strike at any party or indi 
vidual. It is well known, however, that there is a 
natural disposition in the human mind to seek eagerly 
and ferret out personal allusions in all works of this 
kind, and applications are made which are always 
painful to the author. It is against this probable per 
version of my intentions that I intend to guard by 
stating that all the characters I have delineated aro 
fictitious, although there is but too much reality in the 
scenes of political degradation I have described. 



M 2780 



DEAMATIS PEKSON^E. 



GOVERNOR OF THE STATE. 

HENRIETTA, his Daughter. 

RANDOLPH, a Senator. 

BECKENDORF, a naturalized Citizen and Representative. 

GERTRUDE, his Wife. 

MORTIMER, his Son. 

JOE GAMMON, an old Politician. 

TRIMSAIL, "j 

TURNCOAT, 

V Representatives. 
LOVED ALE, 

WAGTAIL, J 

JOHN TOBIAS NUTMEG, one of Beckendorf s Clerics. 

GOVERNOR S PRIVATE SECRETARY. 



THE 





SCHOOL FOE POLITICS. 



|tnl 



SCENE I. 

A COMMITTEE-ROOM IN THE STATE HOUSE AT BATON ROUGE, 
LOUISIANA. 

TRIMSAIL. \Flinginy down on a table a book into which 
he had been looking, and pulling out his watch.~\ Really 
this is intolerable. Here have I been waiting more than a 
quarter of an hour for the other members of the committee 
of five that have been appointed by the House to examine 
whether the act 5000, of the Civil Code of Louisiana, requires 
amendments or not. We are instructed to report to-morrow 
at the opening of the session, and yet, although it is almost 
half-past seven. I am the only one attending the meeting of 
the committee, which was fixed for seven ! The same in 
dustry I have displayed for the last ten years, during which 
I have been invariably returned to the House by my constit 
uents ! It is true that no one else is willing to be a candidate 
in my parish, which is altogether peopled with indolent plant 
ers of French extraction. But still, my services are not the 



8 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

less notorious, and not the less deserving of reward for all 
that! I am tired of making vain sacrifices; for my time 
might have been more profitably, and as matters stand, I 
may say more honorably employed, than in being a legis 
lator. I am a lawyer ; and if I had devoted myself entirely 
to my profession, I might .... but no there are no law 
suits in the damned infernally quiet parish in which I have 
settled. Well, then I might have become an honest me 
chanic, instead of starving as I am, and might have built my 
self up a fortune in a trice, as I have known many to do. It 
is true that I should have been obliged, in the beginning, to 
. work \withf /iiiy Dwn hands. Ha! there is the rub. This 
manual, labor is. decidedly vulgar I hate the very thought of 
jit j . I J$m too iiiuch of a gentleman for that. Besides, the 
climate is too warm, and violent physical exertions disagree 
with my constitution. No no after all, the easiest thing I 
could do was to run for the Legislature, with the expectation 
of becoming a district judge. But who would have thought 
that I should have had to wait so long for such an office ! 
Who is not a judge nowadays 1 It is no very great thing, 
certainly but still it gives a character a position in society. 
Judge .... my respects to you. Judge .... shall I have 
the honor of a glass of wine ivith you ? Sir, alloiv me to in 
troduce to your acquaintance Judge so-and-so" It sounds 
well. I am confident it would have enabled me, like that 
pudding-headed fellow, Tobias Snub, to marry a sugar plan 
tation, with no other incumbrance than a fat widow of forty 
or so. To think that I have been a standing applicant for 
such an office for the last ten years, under every administra 
tion, and without success, begins to madden me into despera 
tion. But, thanks to the gods, I can now take time by the 
forelock. Now, or never, a judge. There is such a combi 
nation of circumstances militating in my favor, that I cannot 
fail unless Old Nick, himself, should be determined to thwart 



THE SCHvtOL FOR POLITICS. 9 

inc. Let me see .... Let me see .... In the first place, a 
vacancy has just occurred on the judicial bench of the 3d dis 
trict. Next, a United States Senator is to be elected in a few 
clays The judgeship is in the hands of the Governor and 
the dear creature has set his heart on going to Washington 
to settle the affairs of the nation. Luckily he has two formi 
dable competitors. Well ! well ! and it so happens that it 
is generally believed that I can influence some votes in the 
house. Trimsail ! Trimsail ! look sharp. It is pretty clear 
that thou hast trumps in thy hands, and that the game is 
thine, unless thou blunderest like a raw school-boy. [Striking 
his forehead.] I have it ! I have it! it is there ! No long 
er shall it be said that I have been a politician all rny life, 
and could not be any thing else than a member of the Legis 
lature and a militia colonel ! A colonel ! fie on it ! the 
very sound of the title predisposes me to a fit of hysterics 
so long has it been dinning in my ears. Colonel ! out upon 
it ! I never knew a blackleg, or a grog-shop keeper, who was 
not called colonel! 



SCENE II. 

TURNCOAT. [^Entering. ] Hail to you, my worthy Colonel! 
still the very incarnation of punctuality ! hey ! 

TRIMSAIL. [ylsiWe.] There it is again! Colonel ! Damn 
it ! [yl/oMf/.] And you, lazy dog, will continue to be as care 
less as ever. Why, ain t you ashamed, good for nothing 
fellow ! Here have I been left alone more than half an hour 
enjoying the bliss of pondering over this very interesting 
volume the Civil Code whilst you were, I am sure, indulg 
ing in the luxury of an iced cocktail. But where are Wag 
tail, Fawning, and Talebearer? 
1* 



10 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



SCENE III. 

[Enter Wagtail} 

WAGTAIL. Where can I be but at my post, like a faithful 
representative of the people ; and the first I should have been 
to attend this meeting, if I had not met that cunning old fox, 
Joe Gammon, who, for the last forty years, has never failed 
filling some office or other, which his friends, much to his 
annoyance, and with the most cruel pertinacity, have con 
tinued to force upon him, for the salvation of the country ; 
and who now is desperately manoeuvring not to be thrust into 
the United States Senate by his obstinate friends. I shook 
him off at last, but left in his clutches Fawning and Tale- 
bea v er, whom he has invited to an oyster supper, and who, 
bef re he has done with them, will use violence to compel 
hir : to receive their support. 

[They all laugh: Ah! ah!] 

TRIMSAIL. Still the same bitter tongue, Wagtail sarcas- 
I t to the last even on your friends. 

WAGTAIL. Tut! man there is no sarcasm in a mere 
tatement of facts. But let us proceed to business ; for, a 
ast man and a business man I am. We form a quorum, 
md, from the information I have given, it is plain that we 
need not wait for our colleagues, who, with exquisite judg 
ment I must confess, prefer discussing oysters and sauterne 
to the Civil Code, 

TURNCOAT. Well ! Trimsail, you are the chairman of the 
committee. Take the head of the table, and state the object 
of the meeting. 

TRIMSAIL. . . . [Takes the chair, hems, coughs, blows his 
nose, puts on hit spectacles, opens the volume of the Civil 
Code, and says, with peculiar emphasis:] 

Gentlemen, you arc aware that we have met here to delib- 



TFIE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 11 

erate on the most important business which is to determine 
whether the article 5000 of the Civil Code involving the 
security, happiness, and indeed the whole destiny of the most 
interesting portion of our population women and minors 
requires amendment or not. My mind is appalled at the 
magnitude of the subject ; the little learning I possess shrinks 
from the difficulties it will have to overcome in satisfactorily 
solving this question, and my heart . . . 

[ Whilst Trimsail is speaking, Turncoat throws up his two 
leys on the table, and leans on his chair with his head flung 
back and his eyes turned towards the ceiling, as if he was pre 
paring to take a comfortable nap. In the mean time, Wagtail 
takes a sheet of blank paper, and makes a cock, which he places 
on Turncoafs nose, and, after having imitated the crowing of 
the bird, says :] 

WAGTAIL. Wake up day is breaking and Trimsail 
breaking down. [Turning to Trimsail. ] I wish that, in 
stead of being instructed to report on the soundness of any 
one of the parts of our respectable friend, the Civil Code, 
[tapping on it,] we had been requested to devise some legis 
lative means of putting a stop to that greediness for office 
which is corrupting the morals of the people and of their 
representatives, and converting so many of our fellow-citizens 
into hungry beggars, squatting at the door of Executive 
patronage. 

TURNCOAT. [Mouthing it.~] He who should destroy such 
an evil would have as great a claim to his country s grati 
tude as Washington himself. 

TRIMSAIL. There, indeed, I fully agree with you; but, 
alas ! I am afraid that the infection has spread so widely, and 
has become so contagious, that we are perhaps the only 
members of the Legislature who scorn office, and who can 
boast of independence. What can we do against the host of 
cringing, sneaking, lying, and false-hearted demagogues who 
parade their disinterestedness when secretly . . . 



12 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

[Enter Governor s Private Secretary .] 

PRIVATE SECRETARY. [To Wagtail.] I am requested by 
the Governor to inform you, Mr. Wagtail, that he is now in 
his office, and desirous of conversing with you on the petition 
which you have presented on your behalf . . . 

WAGTAIL. [Interrupting him with some confusion. ] Oh ! 
yes yes hem! [To his two colleagues of. the committee :] 
It was done, gentlemen, as you must understand, at -the 
Governor s own request. Otherwise he would have been 
compelled to give a certain office to a very objectionable 
candidate, who was so strongly supported that his Excellency 
could not refuse him without exposing himself to a great deal 
of what shall I call it ? ... a great deal of that kind of thing 
. . . which, you know, public men don t like to expose them 
selves to because he could not have rejected I say the ap- 
application of the gentleman and his friends, unless he could 
have pleaded my superior claims as an excuse. He thought so 
at least, and therefore begged me, as a personal favor, to get up 
this petition on my own behalf, merely to save him from a 
very embarrassing position. It is a sacrifice of my own feelings, 
tastes, comforts, and sense of dignity, for which he assured me 
he would ever be grateful. What could I do 1 You know how 
intimate we are. I could not refuse ; excuse me, gentlemen. 

[ Whilst thus speaking he gets his hat, puts it on, collects 
some papers which he had spread on the table, and prepares to 
depart. In the mean time Trimsail and Turncoat have been 
exchanging significant glances. When Wagtail opens the 
door to go out, Trimsail cries out to him :] 

TRIMSAIL. But there will be no quorum, Wagtail ; how- 
shall I report to-morrow 1 

WAGTAIL. [Hurriedly.] Go on with your deliberations as 
if I were present. I vote to maintain the article as it is. 
[Exit, with great precipitation. ] 

TURNCOAT. By the gods ! Trimsail, did you ever see any 
thing so shameful 1 [Aside, with a good deal of agitation.] 



THE SCHOOL FOR POL1HCS. 13 

This confirms what I have been told. The scamp is in my 
way, and is an applicant for the same office for which my 
name is before the Governor. I must, without loss of time, 
be after him, or he will serve me some scurvy trick. [Rises 
and hastens towards the doorJ\ 

TRIMSAIL. Hallo ! what is the matter, Turncoat ? Are 
you sick 1 You look unwell. Where are you going ? 

TURNCOAT. I am so choked with indignation at that fel 
low s hypocrisy and servility, that I am unfit for business, 
and I must go out for some fresh air. I feel incapable of any 
other occupation than that of writing a satire on these de 
generate times. 

TRIMSAIL. But our report, my friend our report on the 
articl e. 

TURNCOAT. Damn the article ! I vote with Wagtail to 
maintain it as it is. Draw the report in that sense. 
[JW*.] 

TRIMSAIL. There goes another sycophantic hanger on ; a 
beggar that will sell himself to Tom, Dick, or Harry, for a 
mere crumb to put in his bag! And what is worse, such fel 
lows as Wagtail and Turncoat, not satisfied with being the 
very quintessence of baseness, have the presumptuous audacity 
to endeavor to pass themselves off for what they are not 
for independent men ! And yet such are the creatures who 
obtain all the offices, whilst men of my character are disre 
garded and put on the shelf by those who pretend to be 
leaders, and who are mere drones living on the honey manu 
factured in the political hive. Ay; men of my calibre have 
the barren honor of being legislators and militia colonels! 
Well, well, I ll be revenged one day or other, for every dog, 
it is said, has his day. I have sharper teeth and claws than 
people are aware of. But to my task. Let me sec let me 
see. How shall I draw the report ? [ Writes .-] 

To the Honorable the House of Representatives, &c. : 
We, the undersigned, in compliance with a resolution of your 



14 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

honorable body, &e., having met in committee, have the 
honor to report that, after a thorough examination of the 
article of the Civil Code submitted to our consideration 
after a long and protracted discussion on the subject, and 
after having studied the question in all its bearings, and with 
all the scrupulous attention to which it is entitled, have 
unanimously come to the conclusion that said article requires 
no amendments, and ought to be maintained as it is, for 
reasons what reasons shall I give? [Bites his pen and 
scratches his head.] Let me see. Ah ! I have it for the 
reasons which are given by learned commentators for its 
original insertion into the Napoleon Code, from which it has 
been borrowed. There; let the inquisitive look for those 
reasons, and find them if they can. Now, all I have to do is 
to sign, 

TRIMSAIL, Chairman. 



SCENE IY. 

GAMMON.- [Popping in his head and looking round un 
easily. ] Are you alone, Trimsail ? 

TRIMSAIL. As you see. But how corne you to be here 1 
I thought you were engaged for the whole evening with 
Fawning and Talebearer. 

GAMMON. T left them both in my room, which, you know, 
is close to the State House. They have a plentiful supply 
of champagne. Having raised their steam to a sufficient de 
gree, I begged leave of absence for a few minutes under some 
pretext, but in reality under the hope of finding you here, as 
I have done, and to tell you that they are mine. They are 
pledged in the most positive manner to support me in the 
caucus that will meet to-morrow at twelve o clock, to choose 
the candidate for the United States Senate, and [rubbing his 
hands in high glee] every thing goes on swimmingly. He 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 15 

who is chosen by the caucus is Senator, you know, our 
majority being so large on joint-ballot, and none being daring 
enough to disobey the ukase of King Caucus. Well, we have 
counted noses. The Governor has thirty-five votes, I have 
thirty-five, and Tagrag has fifteen. There is one blank vote, 
that of Randolph, whose leaning it is impossible to know. 

TRIMS AIL. Have you spoken to him, and tried all the arts 
you so eminently possess ? 

GAMMON. Yes ; we came up yesterday from New Orleans 
on board of the same boat, and circumstances served me 
admirably as to the privacy of the conversation which I 
wished to have with him. About one o clock in the morning 
all the passengers had gone to bed, and Randolph, sitting 
by himself on the front part of the boat, had been, for a con 
siderable time, apparently engaged in studying the topogra 
phy of the moon, when I drew a chair by him softly, and thus 
began to open rny mind : " Mr. Randolph," said I, " you and 
I seem to be the only tormented spirits on board of this boat, 
for sleep seems to fly from our lids. From mine that may 
well be conceived. I am old, and have lived too long not to 
be kept awake by the painful recollections of the past, and 
the unpromising anticipations of the future. But your case 
is different. You are yet too young, being hardly above 
thirty years old, to have passed through that ordeal which so 
shakes the soul, that from its inmost recesses there arise 
feelings which drive men out of their beds. Far from it, you 
seem to be the favorite of heaven ; you are immensely 
wealthy, women call you handsome, and we men have not 
forgotten the distinguished honors you obtained at the uni 
versity. Ten years travelling all over Europe has com 
pleted your accomplishments ; and since your return, your 
fellow-citizens, impressed with a proper sense of your merits, 
have, without being solicited by you, unanimously sent you 
to the Senate of the State. How do you like your position ? 
Do you take much interest in the legislative proceedings, and 



16 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

do you intend to distinguish yourself in debate? For the 
moment, the engrossing topic which absorbs all others, is the 
election of a United States Senator. May I be permitted to 
ask whether you have any predilection ? 

TRIMSAIL. What did he say 1 

GAMMON. " Mr. Gammon," said he, " that I am wealthy, 
I admit ; and thanks to the gods that I am, as it enables me 
to keep aloof from the active pursuits of life, for which I 
am utterly incapacitated by my temperament which is that 
of an idler and dreamer. As to my being handsome, how 
can it be true, when I have already been jilted by the 
coquetry and reduced to despair by the cruelty of a dozen 
women ] and you know that the daughters of Eve are only 
cruel to men of sense, whilst they reserve their favors for 
handsome men. As to my ten years travelling, it has taught 
me that one could employ one s time more agreeably, more 
honorably, and more profitably than to be pandering to the 
tastes of the multitude in daily sacrifices of self-esteem and 
dignity, to obtain those fickle suffrages, which, one day, puff 
a man into office, and the next out of it. I told my constitu 
ents, when they spoke of electing me to the Legislature, that 
I worshipped indolence, that I never could read through the 
best political article in the best edited paper in the Union, 
and that a law book being more incomprehensible to me than 
the Hebrew, I was the most unfit of men to be a legislator. 
And yet they have elected me ! I suppose, from that strange 
perversity of mind which frequently impels men to do the 
very reverse of what they ought. Well ! Let them bear 
the consequences, if, instead of putting myself to any incon 
venience by being active in discharging the duties which have 
been forced upon rne, I choose to increase the number of 
logs which compose the Legislative raft. As to my predilec 
tion for any senatorial candidate, it would be painful for me 
to make a choice. I am intimate with the Governor ; I am 
one of your truest admirer.3 ; and there is no man I am more 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. IT 

partial to than Tagrag. I think, when the time for voting 
comes, I shall draw lots and now, let us, dear Mr. Gammon, 
go to bed ; for I have become drowsy in listening to the 
speech into w r hich you have drawn me. Good night." So 
saying, he went away, leaving me no wiser than I was before. 
Cursed be those men who want nothing they are impracti 
cable. 

TRIMS AIL. I have a peculiar antipathy to that man. 1 
hate one whom I can t make out; and I confess that Randolph 
is a complete mystery to me. I will guage him though, be 
fore long, and know his precise breadth, depth, and length. 
But I see him walking in the rotunda call him, and see 
again whether, as you say, he is really impracticable. In the 
mean time, I ll to your room, and tell Fawning and Tale 
bearer that you are coming. 



SCENE Y. 

GAMMON. [Going to the door and calling.] Mr. Ran 
dolph ! Mr. Randolph ! 

RANDOLPH. [Coming in] What can you be doing all 
alone in this committee-room, Mr. Gammon? Are you 
meditating on your plan of operations to carry off the senato 
rial prize ? Poor politicians, what a hard life is yours ! 
How I pity you ! [In a mock theatrical tone.] I had rather 
be a dog and bay the moon than be a politician. 

GAMMON. I was with our friend, Trimsail, showing him 
how powerfully and perseveringly I am to be supported by 
those friends who have induced me to come out for the 
Senate, and who, therefore, mindful of the exigencies imposed 
upon them by their own act, will stick to me to the last. 

RANDOLPH. Trimsail is as keen-scented as the best hound 
I ever knew, and can always tell in what bush the majority 
conceals itself. 



18 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

GAMMON. It is true. But I want also to consult you, and 
have your opinion as to my chance of success. 

RANDOLPH. Consult me ! 

GAMMON. Yes yes. As you stand neutral between the 
candidates, you are the very man who is the most competent 
to express a sound opinion on the race, and bet on the nag 
that is to win. 

RANDOLPH. My dear sir, the gothic chair, in which sits 
the Speaker, might give you more correct information than I 
can. 

GAMMON. Pray, do not jest. Listen here is how we 
stand : 35 for the Governor 35 for your humble servant 
15 for Tagrag and 1 your vote which is uncertain. 

RANDOLPH. Indeed ! 

GAMMON. \8lyly ^\ Which of the nags, I say, do you think 
likely to be the winner ? 

RANDOLPH. [Nodding, and with an air of meditation. ,] 
That is the question. 

GAMMON. I have strong hopes to rally round me, after a 
ballot or two, Tagrag s friends, as some of them can be in 
fluenced by Trimsail, who is secretly devoted to me body 
and soul, although he ostensibly cajoles the Governor. But 
should I fail in that quarter, as you hold the casting vote, 
may I hope that it will in the end be thrown into my scale 
and secure my election 

RANDOLPH. Things more improbable have happened. 

GAMMON. Besides, the Governor is not so sure of his sup 
porters but what some of them might leave his camp and 
come into mine. 

RANDOLPH. It does not seem to be impossible. 

GAMMON. Now that all the evidence and circumstances of 
the case are before you, pray favor me with your conclusions. 

RANDOLPH. \_Smiling.~\ My impression is, since you wish 
to have it, that your adversaries make on their side the same 
calculations on which you rest your hopes. 



THE SCHOOL FOtt POLITICS. 19 

GAMMON. Indeed ! But, on what grounds ? 

RANDOLPH. On as good grounds as you have ! They em 
ploy the same means that you resort to. 

GAMMON. [In a fright. ] The devil they do! 

RANDOLPH. To be sure. They think they have seduced 
some of your friends, as you think you have theirs. 

GAMMON. It is not possible ! 

RANDOLPH. Why not ? Who is right in his calculations ? 
Who is deceived or betrayed 1 Why should I put myself to 
the trouble of discovering the subterranean manoeuvres of am 
bitious partisans 1 Why should I care a straw for your po 
litical struggles 1 And, paying no attention to your intrigues, 
how can I know which of you is- likely to succeed 1 But I 
will tell you what I have told your competitors, and there 
needs no ghost from hell to unfold the tale. You all rely on 
men, most of whom are ready to run backward and forward 
from one flag to another according to what they may think 
their interest political condottieri, who will secure the suc 
cess of him that best knows how to use and control them 
for his own purposes. 

GAMMON. \_With a show of admiration. ] With your cool 
sagacity and your knowledge of men, Mr. Randolph, what a 
valuable ally you would be ! [Coming close to Randolph, 
and speaking with great earnestness. ] It is impossible that a 
man of your parts should not desire that sweetest of all pos 
sessions power! which you might use, if not for selfish 
purposes of your own, if not to benefit your friends, at least 
to serve your country and acquire an immortal name. In 
your position, what cannot you aspire to ! Can you be indif 
ferent to the prospect that lies before you ! Your uncle, one 
of Virginia s ablest sons, is in the cabinet of the President, 
under a change of administration, which leaves all offices to 
be disposed of. Avail yourself of that circumstance, help 
me to power, and I share with you. Whatever influence 
I may acquire with the General Government will be at 



20 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

your service. With an uncle in the Cabinet, and a devoted 
friend in the Senate, the best federal appointments will be at 
your disposal. Why should^you not be our next governor 
and afterwards, in your turn, a United States Senator ? My 
friends are numerous the possession of a seat in the Senate 
would double my strength, and it shall be exerted in your 
favor. 

RANDOLPH. [ With mock emphasis. ] A vaunt, Satan ! Back 
to the infernal regions with thy cloven foot ! But, to be 
serious, you are really wasting time in offering me tempta 
tions which are none for me. I have told you that I am 
destitute of all ambition ; and, to be made President of the 
United States, I would not give up the luxurious independ 
ence I enjoy. 

GAMMON. By Heaven, Mr. Randolph, I cannot but say that 
so much indifference to greatness looks very much like 
affectation. 

RANDOLPH. [Laughing.] Ah ! ah ! ah ! I cannot but 
laugh heartily when put in mind that the Governor and Tag- 
rag have been plying me with the same offers and in almost 
the same identical words ! I declare it is quite amusing to 
be so much courted. Well, then ! I ll play the lady, and 
coquet with you all. 

GAMMON. You had better play the man, and come out 
openly for one of us. 

RANDOLPH. That would be playing the fool. How do 
you know but what I have made my choice 1 But why 
should I proclaim it 1 I declare, that should I be in your 
favor, I would still keep you in the dark about it. 

GAMMON. I cannot understand the reason why. . . . 

RANDOLPH. Because I am pretty sure that your gratitude, 
in case of success due to me, would not be equal to the 
enmity I should incur from your competitors, and my philo 
sophy is to keep equally clear of the gratitude and the en 
mity of mankind. But . . . here is somebody coming to us. 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 21 



SCENE VI. 

GAMMON. Ho ! it is the son of Beckendorf, the editor and 
proprietor of the Baton Rouge Courier, the lord paramount 
of several of our most money-making grog-shops, the most 
celebrated beer manufacturer in the State, and, to cap the 
climax, one of the people s representatives in the lower 
House. No small-potato-man as you see, and one who is not 
to be slighted without danger. We must be courteous to his 
progeny. There is no getting along without popularity. 
\_Enter Mortimer. ] 

RANDOLPH. Good evening, Mr. Mortimer. I am right 
glad to meet you, and, at the same time, allow me to say, 
that I am astonished to see you in a committee-room of the 
Capitol, instead of your being engaged in supervising the 
Governor s plantation, where your father had placed you, less 
as a paid overseer than a friend of the Governor s and an 
apprenticed student, if I may use the expression, in the noble 
art of planting. I understood it to be a preparatory step to 
his purchasing for you, his darling and only son, a superb 
sugar plantation. 

MORTIMER. I was seeking you both, gentlemen, thinking 
that, as you are supposed to possess a considerable degree 
of political and personal influence, you might serve me on a 
point which I have at heart. 

GAMMON. Serve you ! political influence ! what can it 
mean 1 What can you have to do with politics, my dear 
young friend ? 

MORTIMER. I hardly dare mention what I wish ... it is .. 
it is . . an office ... a political situation. I blush to ex 
press such desires, for I must confess that I have no right, no 
claim to any thing of the kind. 

RANDOLPH. A miracle ! a miracle ! a candidate who con 
fesses Ijkat he is without claims, and pleads his unworthiness ! 



22 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

Why, my young friend, have you been lately travelling in 
the moon ! Don t use such language in public. You would 
be looked upon as a simpleton, and be ruined for ever. 

MORTIMER. I don t understand 

RANDOLPH. To be sure you don t. Yet believe one who 

" has more experience than you have. If you wish to succeed, 

j be bold and unscrupulous, and let your effrontery be equal to 

1 your unfitness for the office you aim at. But, you are not 

satisfied with having a cultivated and good mind, and a pure 

heart, you must, forsooth, be modest ! . . . And you are an 

aspirant to office, or political honors ! Go back go back to 

the Governor s plantation ; drive away this wild fancy from 

your head, and learn to live contented in rural retirement, 

under the shade of some towering green oak, or perfumed 

magnolia tree. [ With a lurking sneer, to Gammon.] What 

do you say to that, Gammon, eh 1 You are decidedly the 

man to give a good advice in this matter. 

GAMMON. Fie! Randolph. Don t be so misanthropic. 
You discourage the youth. [To Mortimer. } But how is it, 
my young friend, that you think of leaving the Governor s 
plantation ? I have heard him speak highly of you, and you 
were treated by him rather as a friend than as one in his pay. 

RANDOLPH. I can also testify to it. The Governor is a 
severe judge ; he is hard to please ; and yet he has frequently, 
in my presence, eulogized your zeal, and has expressed the 
opinion that you would one day become one of the best 
planters in the State. 

MORTIMER. [Bowing. ~\ That was very kind but but 
he has lately dismissed me. 

GAMMON. Indeed ! I am amazed ! What can be the 
reason 1 

MORTIMER. [ With an affectation of coldness and self-pos 
session. ] I don t know. He gave me no reasons. He 
needed me no more, I suppose. Why should he give me 
any reason ? I do not complain ;yhe had the right todct as he 



THE .SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. I>3 

pleased. Besides, he is the governor, the descendant of one 
of our most aristocratic families. I am the son of a tavern- 
keeper, of a beer-seller. But enough of this. I should like 
another situation ; that is all. 

GAMMON. You shall have it. 

RANDOLPH. [Smiling.] Certainly. [Tapping the young 
man on the shoulder with affectionate familiarity] And since 
my friend, the Governor, understands his interests so little, as 
to deprive himself of your valuable services, I am anxious to 
secure them on my own account, and to profit by his errors. 
I offer you at White Hall, which, you know, is one of the 
largest plantations in the State, the same situation you occu 
pied at the Governor s. Take the supreme administration of 
it, on what terms you please. As a man of business, I beg 
you to be my agent ; as a man of the wx>rld, who knows 
something of human nature, I beg you to be my friend. 

MORTIMER. I am overwhelmed with .... 

RANDOLPH. Nay ; no thanks. I deserve none. It is not 
every man who is blessed with the good fortune of securing 
a highly educated man as an overseer. In your moments of 
leisure and I shall contrive that you have some we shall 
read Virgil and Homer together. 

MORTIMER. [ With much animation. ] This indeed would 
be winning more than I have lost . . . but . . . unluckily, I 
cannot accept. 

RANDOLPH. [Taking his hand and pressing it affectionately] 
Is it also because you suspect me of being an aristocrat, and 
cannot forgive the historical name I bear? Do you suppose 
me capable of entertaining any narrow-minded prejudices? 

MORTIMER. \JIurriedlij] O! no, no ! Mr. Randolph. I 
discriminate between Nature s noblemen, such as you, and the 
petty aristocrat, who is the caprice of chance, the mere acci 
dent of birth or wealth, and the creature of the conventional 
rules of society. As to you, Mr. Randolph, the humblest of 
your fellow citizens knows, when he looks at the manly and 



24 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

open expression of your face and at the bright light which, 
beaming from, your eyes, reveals the inward man, that, if lie 
has any merit, any moral worth, he can proffer his hand to 
you and be your friend. But, excuse me I ... I ... it 
is, no doubt, very foolish on my part but .... I have at 
heart to become a politician. 

GAMMON. [Apart.] The infection spreads. [To Morti 
mer. ] Good God ! Young man what a whim ! What 
a sudden change in your views ! What can be the cause 
of it? 

MORTIMER. I have a powerful reason for the step I take, 
although I am not at liberty to mention it. But to the point. 
I desire to be appointed assistant engineer, which office is now 
vacant. It would afford me the opportunity of making my 
self known throughout the State and of securing many friends. 
It might thus, in the end, lead to the consummation of my 
secret wishes. 

GAMMON. But that office is in the gift of the Governor ! 
And if he has become so hostile to you, as to dismiss you from 
his family ... it is very improbable that .... 

MORTIMER. No; he may not have the same reasons to 
refuse this application ... and .... 

GAMMON. Besides, you know that I am now opposing him 
for the United States Senate, and it is not likely that he will 
mind any recommendation of mine. He will think, in this 
case particularly, that it may give me some claims to your 
father s support, who is in the House. No ; he won t furnish 
the rod that he thinks he is to be whipped with. 

MORTIMER. [Despondingly.] Then all my hopes are 
dashed to the ground, and despair and death must be my 
lot ; and yet he who could serve me on this occasion, might 
command me for ever, as if I were his slave his dog ! 

RANDOLPH. What ! . . . My young friend you aspire 
to be a politician, and at the least prospect of disappointment, 
you talk of despair ! You a politician ! and you talk of 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 25 

dying because of a little crossing in the path of your hopes. 
Die ! [ With a tone of sympathy. ] It would be a serious 
loss to your friends ; and . . . remember ... I am one of 
them. As such, I claim the privilege of straining every 
nerve to procure for you the object of your ambition. 

MORTIMER. [With transport. ] What do I hear! Is it 
possible ! I thank you with heart and soul. Did I not judge 
of you rightly ! Did I not know you to be as generous and un 
selfish as you are refined in manners, elegant in tastes, perfect 
in education ! I will proclaim you my benefactor, and I am 
yours to the death. 

RANDOLPH. Pish ! Don t magnify a mole-hill into a 
mountain. I please myself by serving you, and I merely do 
my duty when securing a good officer for the State. There 
fore no thanks. Sit down at that table, and write a short 
letter of application to the Governor. I will deliver it. 
[ Whilst Mortimer is writing, Randolph approaches Gammon, 
and whispers to him: ] That is [pointing to Mortimer] a 
warm, a true, and a generous heart, Gammon ; one capable 
of the greatest act of devotion and gratitude. 

GAMMON. There are very few men to be trusted, Ran 
dolph very few ! But do you really think that he can be 
relied upon 1 

RANDOLPH. Yes ; for he is barely twenty-one, and has not 
yet been tossed upon the treacherous sea of the world, ancl 
buffeted by its billows. He has never been deceived, and is\ 
not yet a deceiver! But, in a few years ... it may be 
otherwise. 

GAMMON. Why ? 

RANDOLPH. [Looking fixedly at Gammon.] Is it you, 
Mr. Gammon, with your gray hairs, and that secret estima 
tion of mankind which you keep cautiously buttoned up under 
your coat, who ask me why ? Why 1 Indeed ! Don t you 
see that he is a youth now in a few years he will be a man. 
With too much experience in his head, and with a heart per- 



26 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

haps crushed into an inert lump, or converted into a thing of 
gall and bitterness, who knows what he may be then ! 

GAMMON. A truce to your moralizing ! But to the point. 
Do you seriously think that he can now be trusted ? Do 
you think it would be wise to unfold to him some of my 
plans, and to convert him into ... I will not say ... a 
tool . . . but . . . something . . . like a help ... a 
useful agent 1 ? He can command his father s press and 
influence ; he has talent enough to write a good article ; 
he can talk well ; he could operate, not only on his father, but 
on two or three of his father s friends in the House. He 
might scatter about in Baton Rouge the men who are in his 
father s employment, or fill with them the lobbies of the 
Capitol. They are very numerous; they might make de 
monstrations in my favor in all the public places; it might 
tell upon the representatives. We would call it the voice of 
the people. 

RANDOLPH. No. There is in the head of that youth some 
thing else than ambition, and if I were in your place . . . 
if I were a politician ... I would . . . but I am not in 
your place, and I am not a politician ! I care not for poli 
tics ; I will not meddle with the dirty trash. Therefore do 
as you please and mark this, Mr. Gammon whatever 
happens, bear you in mind that I have given you no ad 
vice that I never sought to know any of your intended 
moves on the chess-board that I am determined to remain 
neutral, and to be passive in the great struggle that is going 
on. 

[Mortimer rises, and presents the letter he has written to 
Randolph, who puts it in his pocket. At this moment the 
voice of BecTcendorf, senior, is heard behind the scene .] 

BECKENDORF. [Behind the scene.~\ Oh ! oh ! that is what is 
called a republican governor! And I voted for him fool 
that I was ! 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 21 

MORTIMER. That is my father s voice. He seems to be 
in a passion ! 

RANDOLPH. I am glad that he comes. I will converse 
with him on the subject of your desires. 

MORTIMER. For God s sake, no. I have for the present 
some particular reason to keep him in ignorance of the step 
I take. 



SCENE VII. 

[Beckendorf enters.] 

BECKENDORF. [ With a German accent.] That is to say, 
that if I was not aware of the respect due to the Governor of 
the State, I would go to his Excellency, and tell him that he 
is a puppy ! 

MORTIMER. [ Walking up to him, and in a soothing tone] 
Father ! 

BECKENDORF. Stand aside ; am I not in a free country 1 
Have I come all the way here from Germany not to speak 
my mind 1 Stand aside, I say. By the by, I am glad you 
are here. You shall not return to that puppy s plantation. 

GAMMON. My dear old friend, what is the matter ? 

BECKENDORF. What is the matter ? Why, the press has 
been insulted the mechanics of the State have been treated 
with contempt the Legislature has been vilified. 

GAMMON. Indeed ! In what way ? 

BECKENDORF. [Pompously] In my person ! 

GAMMON. It is inconceivable, and you speak in riddles. 

BECKENDORF. The riddle is a plain one. I waited on the 
Governor, riot long ago, at his own house mind you at his 
own particular request, as he had sent me word that he 
wanted several barrels of my best beer, and desired to con 
verse with me in relation to a communication \vhich he 
wished to appear in my paper, and in which his claim to the 



28 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

United States Senate were to be strongly advocated by some 
disinterested friend himself. I suppose. I had also intended 
to avail myself of this opportunity to lay before him my 
views as to the safest policy to be pursued both by the State 
and General Government on those great topics which now 
absorb the attention of the world. But what has happened ? 
mind you. 

GAMMON. I cannot guess . . . perhaps . . . 

BECKENDORF. Stop ! I ll tell you. I was kept waiting 
half an hour in his parlor, when, forsooth, at the very mo 
ment I was dropping asleep, a servant came in and told me 
that his Excellency was indisposed, and begged me to return 
to-morrow ! 

RANDOLPH. Is it possible 1 

BECKENDORF. If it had been true, it would have been 
nothing ; I am not over sensitive. But, just as I was crossing 
the porch, on my way out, I met his youngest daughter a 
very pretty child, by the by rosy cheeks sweet German 
face pat her on the head, and say to her, " And so Pa is 
sick sorry for it." She looks up and answers, with a toss 
of her little head : " Pa is not sick." " Not sick !" said I ; 
"not in bed 1 ?" "No; Pa is in the dining-room, talking 
politics with some gentlemen and drinking Madeira. Pa 
wants to take us all to Washington." Now you have the 
whole of it, mind you ! Did you ever hear of such an out 
rage? 

GAMMON. It is too monstrous! There must be some 
error. 

BECKENDORF. No ; fact ! I tell you. It is the unvarnished 
and truthful tale of an innocent child the best of witnesses 
mind you. 

RANDOLPH. [With an affectation of the deepest concern. ] 
No ! no ! That is too strong. I cannot believe it. 

BECKENDORF. It cannot be, however, the object of a doubt. 
On receiving such information from the girl, I went round 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 29 

the house myself, looked into the dining-room through a win 
dow, and saw the parties sipping their wine, as I had been 
told! Thus, gentlemen, one of the most respectable and 
oldest of the naturalized citizens, one of the directors of the 
Baton Rouge Bank, one of the members of the press, a man 
who employs a hundred voters in his beer manufacture, in 
his printing establishment, and numerous shops, and last not 
least, a member of the Legislature, could not get access to 
the Governor, because his republican Excellency was con 
cocting with a sycophantic gang the best plan to secure his 
election to the office he covets. I think he had better be a 
good governor [what many think, by the by, he is far from 
being] before aspiring to be something else. 

MORTIMER. [Deprecatingly. ] Father! father! Be more 
circumspect. 

BECKENDORF. Pish ! I don t forget that I came here a 
poor redemptioner. But, God helping, and with the assist 
ance of my good wife, Gertrude, the daughter of honest Peter 
Bluff, the butcher, and the most industrious woman that ever 
was born on the banks of our blue Rhine, I have raised my 
self to what I am, to be respected, and to be the master of a 
pretty independent fortune ; and I should like to see the man 
who could reproach me with unfair dealings; and I do not 
know if there are many of our governors and great men in 
the State who can say as much. 

RANDOLPH. [With dignity. ,] Mr. Beckendorf! You for 
get what is due 

BECKENDORF. Nay, sir ; I name nobody. God save the 
State ! But as to governors and would-be senators in gen 
eral .... 

MORTIMER. Father ! father ! this is the way to raise ene 
mies! 

BECKENDORF. What do I care 1 What have I to fear ? I 
will show some folks what a man can do, with a newspaper at 
his command a beer manufacture five tippling establish- 



30 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

ments two hundred thousand dollars invested in real estate 
and stocks, and with other means which I need not boast of. 

RANDOLPH. [ylst cfe.] That bombastic fool is right. He 
would be worth much under a proper direction. [Whilst 
Mortimer takes his father aside to pacify him, Randolph walks 
up to Gammon, and pointing to Beckendorf, says :] That man 
is one of the most important helps you can have. 

GAMMON. You must b e jesting. He is but a blustering, 
honest blockhead a bag of wind. 

RANDOLPH. So much the better. Rip up the bag ; let the 

wind escape it may grow into a tempest, and sink your 

adversary s ship. 

GAMMON. Bah ! The man is as empty as a drum. 

RANDOLPH. Beat it to the proper tune. The sound of the 
drum frequently leads to victory. If I were ambitious, and a 
politician if I thought it advisable to work that rich mine of 
imbecile vanity, I would make it yield to me as much profit 
as the best gold one in California. 

GAMMON. You think so! Really! [He walks up to 
Beckendorf, takes him by the arm, and leads him aside.] I 
am deeply grieved, Mr. Beckendorf, at your having been 
treated with so much disrespect. I, for my part, honor men 
of your character, who are the very bone and sinew of our 
country, and I want to prove it to you. But let it be under 
stood that this is to be strictly confidential. [Bcckendorf 
nods assent.] Well then ! if you are not appreciated in the 
executive chamber here, in other quarters your merits are 
better known. I have lately received a communication from 
a very distinguished source at Washington, which I am not 
permitted to designate more particularly. In that communi 
cation, I am told that the government thinks it sound policy 
to give a diplomatic appointment of some importance to a 
naturalized citizen, and that the compliment is intended for 
Louisiana. I have been consulted on the subject, and on the 
proper person to be sent from our State to one of the Ger- 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 31 

man courts; and with your permission, I will recommend 
you as one of the best qualified men in the United States for 
that mission .... and . . . and .... Mr. Beckendorf, if I suc 
ceed in being elected Senator, I have no doubt that you may 
consider that appointment as yours. 

BECKENDORF. My dear sir I am so confused . . . 

GAMMON. Not a word ! Hush ! Remember the ut 
most secrecy ! Mum ! [ Walking back with Beckendorf to 
the other actors, he says to him :] By the by, Mr. Becken 
dorf, your beer is growing in reputation every day ; so much 
so, that many of my friends in New Orleans, when I left it 
for Baton Rouge, gave me commands for the article, and I 
beg you to send twenty barrels of your best and stoutest to 
my address at New Orleans. 

BECKENDORF. I will do so with pleasure. I have pre* 
cisely that number of picked barrels, which I had laid aside 
for my own use, and which, on reflection, I had intended to 
cede to the Governor, who told me he was going to have his 
eldest daughter married in a few days, and who, to curry pop 
ularity, thinks of giving to the whole town, on that occasion, 
a grand entertainment, in which he will make beer flow like 
water in his garden for the benefit of the good people. No 
bad idea, that, mind you ! But now he shall not have my 
choice beer, the puppy ! I ll keep it for you. 

MORTIMER. [ With evident perturbation. ] The Governor s 
daughter is to be married ! 

RANDOLPH. \_Looking at Mortimer with marked attention , 
and speaking with slow emphasis.] Yes certainly she is 
to be married to Lovedale, the nephew of Trimsail. He 
has many qualifications, for he is a good-looking young 
man, a dead shot, a promising politician, a fair stump 
speaker, and a member of the Legislature. 

MORTIMER. \To himself with consternation.] She is to 
be soon married ! 

BECKENDORF. [ With a bluff tone] What is that to you ? 



32 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

MORTIMER. [Coldly, and with affected self-possession. ] 
True, it is nothing to me. 

RANDOLPH. [Looking towards the side-scenes. ] So ho ! 
the Governor leaves his office, and I suppose, closes it for the 
day. He seems to be crossing the rotunda to come here. 

BECKENDORF. I am too much excited to see him now. I 
must go. 

GAMMON. Well, I ll join you. Let us go and take some 
refreshment. 

BECKENDORF. [To Mortimer. ] Do you come, Mortimer? 
and you, Mr. Randolph 1 

RANDOLPH. No, thank you. I must tarry here awhile, 
and keep Mr. Mortimer with me, if you permit it. 

BECZENDORF. I wish I could always leave him in such 
good company. [Exit with Gammon. ] 

RANDOLPH. [To Mortimer. ~] Wait for me there [point 
ing to the side-scenes ]. You will know immediately the 
Governor s answer to your application. 

MORTIMER. [Bowing and withdrawing.] Much obliged 
to you, sir. 



SCENE VIII. 

[Enter Governor.] 

GOVERNOR. Good evening, Randolph. Having been in 
formed of your being here, I have come to take you home to 
supper. Let us adjourn definitively for the day. 

RANDOLPH. Many thanks for your kind attention. But, 
if I accompany you home, you will kill me with politics, and 
you know it affects my nerves to hear the vile subject men 
tioned. 

GOVERNOR. It is what your friends complain of. You 
have at your disposal all the elements necessary to secure 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 33 

success in politics money and talent. Why should you 
not have ambition 1 

RANDOLPH. Faith ! there are so many ambitious men 
that I may well dispense with increasing their number. 

GOVERNOR. But you might help your friends ! 

RANDOLPH. I have friends enlisted against one another. 
I cannot help one of them without opposing the rest. There 
fore I remain neutral, from taste and policy. 

GOVERNOR. Then only favor me with your advice. 

RANDOLPH. I cannot do so without knowing your political 
secrets and manceuvrings .... and it might embarrass me 
to know them. 

GOVERNOR. But stop. There is no necessity for such 
scruples. What I am going to tell you is no secret. That 
blunderbuss of a German, the thick-headed Beckendorf, I 
have offended unwillingly ; first, by dispensing with the 
services of his son at my plantation ; and next, by not re 
ceiving him when he lately called at my house. But I could 
not do otherwise in both cases. I know that the man is 
neither to be coaxed back nor conciliated. The caucus takes 
place to-morrow, and, should he be active against me, I fear 
that he might do a great deal of mischief. What is to be 
done ? 

RANDOLPH. Not being expert in electioneering, I cannot 
tell. But old Beckendorf is a true German in his propensi 
ties, and loves his pipe and his Rhenish wine a little too 
much sometimes, as the rumor goes, and should he get in 
toxicated to-morrow .... and not attend the meeting .... 

GOVERNOR. [Eagerly. ~\ Do you advise me to .... 

RANDOLPH. [Coldly. ] I advise nothing. But [in a jest 
ing and light tone] this puts me in mind of a bad joke that 
was perpetrated north of the Potomac, whilst I was travelling 
in that part of the United States. Thus the story runs : It 
seems that it was necessary to get rid, on an occasion like this, 
of an individual who was a nuisance, and, as in this enlightened 
2* 



34 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

age it is not permitted to dispose of a human incumbrance in 
the summary manner which was the fashion in better days, 
long gone by, a new device was hit upon. The obnoxious in 
dividual was invited to dinner somewhere, and so handsomely 
feasted that there was no sense, or even consciousness- of self, 
left in him at the hour when he was wanted elsewhere ; and 
when his friends sought for him, they, to their astonishment, 
discovered that he and perfection were very much alike. 

GOVERNOR. How ? 

RANDOLPH. Because, like perfection, he was nowhere to be 
found. 

GOVERNOR. [Laughing.] Good ! very good ! But this, 
my friend, would be rather a dangerous game ; and .... if 
it could be traced to me .... 

RANDOLPH. Therefore am I very far from advocating such 
a course. On the contrary, I deprecate it. After all, was 
there ever a precedent for it in this land of eternal political 
warfare 1 Who knows whether the anecdote I have related 
is true or not ! I repeated it as I heard it, and never troubled 
myself about ascertaining its correctness. 

GOVERNOR. [Musingly .] After all, if a man gets drunk 
.... whose fault is it ? 

RANDOLPH. [In a careless tone. ] As you say, whose fault 
is it ? Certainly not that of the man who entertains, but of 
him who makes a bad use of the entertainment ; and .... 
if the man who is drunk, on his staggering home, is inveigled 
by some wag, and, out of fun, is shut up in some dark corner 
.. . . whose fault is it? 

GOVERNOR. -Why, the drunkard s, to be sure. He is the 
only one to be blamed. Faith ! Randolph, this is a capital 
idea! 

RANDOLPH. Which comes entirely and exclusively from 
yourself, and to which I can not lay the slightest claim. 

GOVERNOR. Well ! well ! I ll ruminate on it. But, be 
fore we part, I have a personal favor to ask of you. 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 35 

RANDOLPH. You have only to speak. 

GOVERNOR. Lovedale, the nephew of Trirasail, is betrothed 
to my daughter, and as his plantation is heavily mortgaged 
to the Louisiana State Bank, were he elected one of the 
directors of that institution it might help him a great deal as 
to obtaining facilities. The amount of your stocks is so 
large, and your influence over the principal stockholders is 
such, that your support is equivalent to an election. I hope 
there will be no objection made. 

EANDOLPH. How cquld there be any 1 

GOVERNOR. [Hesitatingly. ] -It might be objected that he 
is too young hardly twenty-two years old ; that he is much 
in debt .... that he knows nothing about the management 
of a bank . . . that . . . 

RANDOLPH. [Sarcastically.] Youth is one of the most 
powerful qualifications that a candidate can rely upon nowa 
days, and his being totally unacquainted with the duties of 
the office he aspires to is another very strong recommendation. 
He will be a Young America director that s all. As to his 
being much in debt, I regret that he is not actually a bank 
rupt, he would then be sure of being elected. 

GOVERNOR. [Smiling.] There may be some truth at the 
bottom of your jest. But . . . seriously speaking, it is not 
without reason that you are held by your friends to be the 
most amiable, the best bred, the most conciliating, the most 
disinterested 

RANDOLPH. Stop, my dear governor, for I am going to 
show myself unworthy of your panegyric. "[Pulling a paper 
out of his coat-pocket] Thus, in my turn, I have to ask a 
small favor at your hands. 

GOVERNOR. It is granted on the spot. 

RANDOLPH. But look at the paper before you take any 
engagement. [He hands the paper to the governor] 

GOVERNOR. No matter what it is. [Looking at the 
paper] Good heavens! Mortimer Beckendorf! asking for 



36 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

the office of assistant-engineer! That cannot be. 

RANDOLPH. [Taking cigars deliberately from his pocket, 
offers one to the governor, who declines, and slowly lighting one, 
says, with a tone of indifference !] You think so ! and why 1 
. . my excellent friend ! 

GOVERNOR. [ With embarrassment.^ He is the son of 
that obtuse German, who, I understand, is now abusing me 
in every direction and calling me a puppy forsooth ! 

RANDOLPH. The father talks against you, it is true ; but 
the son is as dumb as an oyster. 

GOVERNOR. Besides, to speak confidentially, I must keep 
the office in abeyance it may be to reward an influential 
partisan for his vote in the House. You see that I cannot 
afford to dispose of it now. It would weaken me. 

RANDOLPH. Perhaps not. It might pacify the father. 

GOVERNOR. I doubt it. I know too well his bull-headed 
German obstinacy. But how come you to take such an 
interest in the youngster? 

RANDOLPH. Well ! you know the State has ordered a 
road to be made in the vicinity of my plantation White 
Hall and it may become important for me to exercise some 
influence over the engineering department. It might secure 
the prompt execution of the work. So you see that, if I 
care not about politics, I have an eye to my private interest. 
Moreover, I confess that I have taken a fancy to Mortimer. 

GOVERNOR. But he is so young ! Besides, he knows 
nothing of the duties of the office for which he applies. 

RANDOLPH. As we were saying just now : young America 
rules the day ! Youth and incapacity ! . . These are the only 
qualifications required in this progressive age. It may be 
that Mortimer knows little about engineering but what 
does your intended son-in-law know about banking ? They 
will both learn. 

GOVERNOR. -But I lately dismissed that young man from 
my family. 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 37 

RANDOLPH. Is it for any want of honesty, capacity, or 
zeal 1 ? 

GOVERNOR. No, but for some weighty reasons entirely 
personal to me. 

RANDOLPH. After all, if there are any serious obstacles 
in the way, I insist no longer. I respect your scruples, my 
dear governor. Nay, I approve them, and may follow your 
good example, on the proper occasion. 

GOVERNOR. [Aside.] Damnation ! [To Randolph, and 
endeavoring to conceal his vexation.] Randolph ! Randolph ! 
I am afraid you can do with me what you please. Well ! 
I will take the matter into consideration. 

RANDOLPH. [With affected indifference^ Good! very 
good. Do so ... when it will suit your convenience ; for in 
stance ... in the course of the evening. The Secretary of 
State told me he had a great deal of occupation, and would re 
main in his office until ten. You have, as you see, plenty of 
time to reflect, and to order the commission to be issued 
before you retire. 

GOVERNOR. [Much perplexed.] My dear friend, it is too 
late. The Secretary of State has gone home. 

RANDOLPH. [Pulling out his watch.] No; very early 
yet ! very early ; only a quarter of nine. 

GOVERNOR. You are too slow. 

RANDOLPH. Never ! and the proof of it is, that I never was 
too late in any thing. 

GOVERNOR. [Smiling.] So I perceive ; on this occasion 
at least. [ With great cordiality.] Well ... we shall see 
.... come to supper. 

RANDOLPH. I cannot as yet say yes .... I must pause, 
and consider. My stomach is weak, and I am troubled with 
spasms. I feel them now. I ll meet you in a few minutes at 
the office of the Secretary of State, and, perhaps, I may then 
feel better. But, well or unwell, I promise you not to fail to 
attend at the Bank, when the election in which you take so 



38 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

much interest, on account of your intended son-in-law, shall 
come on. 

GOVERNOR. I trust you will. Well ! I leave you, and, 
according to your wishes, I ll wait for you at the office of the 
Secretary of State. You must sup with me. 



SCENE IX. 

RANDOLPH. [ Going towards the side-scenes, and beckoning 
to Mortimer. ] Mr. Mortimer ! Mr. Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. Well ! my generous patron, what am I to ex 
pect 1 I was dying with impatience ! 

RANDOLPH. You are appointed you are assistant en 
gineer. 

MORTIMER. Is it possible ! 

RANDOLPH. To-morrow, I will call at your father s house 
and will myself fetch your commission to you. 

MORTIMER. You are much .... much too kind ! . . 

RANDOLPH. One word more it is to give you a warning 
but under a solemn oath of secrecy. Your father has been 
imprudent he speaks too fearlessly ; it is dangerous ; he has 
enemies, in whose way he might stand. 

MORTIMER. Good God ! sir ; you don t mean that aught 
is meditated against his person. 

RANDOLPH. Don t be alarmed. I do not mean any assault 
endangering limb or life ; but perhaps some stratagem or de 
vice which might bring disgrace, ridicule, or shame on him. 

MORTIMER. Pray, give me some more precise informa 
tion. 

RANDOLPH. I cannot. Perhaps, after all, have I been de 
ceived. There may be, or there may not be, a cause for 
what I tell you. Be it as it may, you are warned. Watch 
over your father forewarned forearmed you know. So 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 39 

runs the saying. Above all, keep this secret to yourself, and 
be prudent. 

MORTIMER. I will. I would rather die than do aught to 
displease you . . [Pressing Randolph s hand, he says with 
great emotion :] Good bye, sir ; may the time soon come, 
when I may prove to you that I possess what has been rightly 
called the memory of the heart gratitude! \_ExitJ\ 

RANDOLPH. [Alone.~] Excellent young man ! A rich 
compound of generous feelings and noble faith in those of 
others! [With the deepest tone of dejection .] So I was at 
twenty. Would to God that my soul that my soul had 
never grown older much older than the body and that its 
sweet illusions had not dropped one by one like autumnal 
leaves ! [Smiling with bitter scorn.] After all, it is better 
perhaps as it is ; yes, it is wisely ordained. He who, under 
the tuition of that rough master, experience, has spelt and 
studied the most useful of books, the human heart, has learned 
there a lesson which ought to prevent him from being de 
ceived. . . . But it is time to meet his Excellency at the 
office of the Secretary of State. 
{.Exit.} 



SCENE I. 

BECKENDORF S HOUSE AN APARTMENT PARTAKING OF THE CHARAC 
TER OF THE COUNTING-ROOM AND OF THE PARLOR BECKENDORF 
IS WRITING AT A DESK AT SOME DISTANCE GERTRUDE IS OPEN 
ING A PARCEL OF LETTERS SHE RISES, AND COMING UP TO 

BECKENDORF, SAYS I 

GERTRUDE. Here are orders for beer from Donald son ville, 
Plaquemines, Alexandria, New Orleans, Natchez, Vicksburg, 
and other places. 

BECKENDORF. [ With impatience.] Very well ! wife, very 
well ! 

GERTRUDE. There are also letters from your agents at 
those places where you keep beer-drinking establishments. 
Some of them are pressing, and require immediate answers. 

BECKENDORF. [ With increased impatience] You see how 
very busy I arn, my dear ! 

GERTRUDE. It would also be necessary to write without 
loss of time to that rich beer-house keeper of Cincinnati .... 

BECKENDORF. A beer-house keeper ! 

GERTRUDE. He is one of our best customers. 

BECKENDORF. You talk to me of writing to a tavern- 
keeper, when I am just now addressing the President of the 
United States ! 

GERTRUDE. r[ With astonishment] You ! 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 41 

BECKENDORF. [Laying by his pen, and with emphasis.~\ 
Wife ! look at me ! 

GERTRUDE. Well ! 

BECKENDORF. [ With increased emphasis. ] Look at me 
I say! 

GERTRUDE. [Alarmed. ] Gracious heaven ! what is the 
matter ? Are you sick ? 

BECKENDORF. Tut! Sick ! Look at me, and tell me 
whether you would like to be the wife of a minister plenipo 
tentiary ! 

GERTRUDE. [In utter amazement.] A w r hat 1 

BECKENDORF. A minister plenipotentiary ! 

GERTRUDE. Husband ! husband ! you frighten me. Are 
you mad ? Since you have been meddling with politics, and 
since you have become the proprietor of a newspaper, you 
have lost that rough, but solid, straightforward, unsophisti 
cated, sound common sense which I remarked in you, when 
you first loved me the daughter of plain Peter Bluff, the 
butcher, and which so far has carried you successfully through 
life. What, or who has lately infected you with such crack- 
brained notions ? 

BECKENDORF. Crack-brained notions! I tell you that I 
have it from the best authority, that I am recommended to 
the President for a mission to one of the German courts. 
Our friend Gammon, who is one of the greatest politicians 
of the age, and who has the ear of the President, has assured 
me confidentially of the fact. 

GERTRUDE. [.4We.] Ho ! ho ! does the shaft come from 
that bow? [Here some hooting and peals of laughter are 
heard in the street. Gertrude looks out of a window, then 
comes to Beckendorf, and leading him by the arm to the win 
dow, says :] What do you see there ? 

BECKENDORF. As I live ! Gammon walking lovingly and 
arm in arm with that swinish brute, Tubfull, the member 
from St. Tammany. How drunk is Tubfull ! How the 



42 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

fellow hiccups and tosses his arms, and hangs on Gammon s 
neck, and slabbers on him ! I declare Gammon deserves 
some credit for the serene and I might say heroic composure 
with which he goes through the ordeal. The lookers on, and 
particularly the little blackguards of the street, seem to en 
joy it richly. 

GERTRUDE. [Tapping Beckendorf on the shoulder. ~\ Hus 
band ! the man who can do that to get a vote, can tell afty 
lies to serve his purposes. 

BECKENDORF. Pish ! wife ! Do you know how we call 
what you see there 1 We call it making political capital. 
That is one of the tricks of politicians that is the way to 
become popular ! What do you know about politics and 
politicians 1 

GERTRUDE. Nothing thank God. But I know some 
thing about what becomes an honest, decent man, and I am 
sure that we have not been looking at one now. 



SCENE II. 
[Enter JOHN TOBIAS NUTMEG.] 

JOHN. [Carrying a basket of empty bottles] I come from 
the barkeeper in Lafayette street . . . 

BECKENDORF. Well ! what s that to me ? What do you 
want ? 

JOHN. The barkeeper wants some more brandy and 
whisky. He says that the last you sent him was too mild. 
The customers complain; they want something that sticks 
more to the throat, and leaves some remembrance behind. 

BECKENDORF. ^Go to the devil! Do you think that I have 
time to plague myself about such things now ? It is true 
that the customers of that shop bring me a handsome 
revenue. Well, wife, it must be your business more than 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 43 

mine at the present moment. [Significantly.] You know 
that I have something more important to attend to. [He 
resumes writing.] 

JOHN.- -[Drawing a bag from his big coats pocket.] . . . . 
And here is .... 

BECKENDORF. [Impatiently.] Again ! When will you 
have done ? 

JOHN. Here is the money which the barkeeper gave me 
as the net produce of last month s drinking. 

BECKENDORF. [Taking the bag.] How vexatious it is to 
have anything to do with such humiliating details ! [Return 
ing the bag.] Carry it to my first clerk . . . and ... let me 
alone, [Writes again. ] " Yes, Mr. President, in relation to 
those intricate questions of German politics on which you 
may wish for my opinion." . . . 

JOHN. [Making the motion of weighing the bag he holds.] 
Humiliating details indeed ! I wish I had a cart-load of such 
humiliating details to deal with on my own account. 

GERTRUDE. Look you John you have been very long 
in executing rny errands. You haveiost time, I am afraid 
and time is money and who loses time, and therefore 
money, gets into the worst of habits. 

JOHN. [ylszVfc.] Bless me ! I guess that here woman is 
not like her husband. She is as clear-sighted as a New 
\Hampshire bald-headed eagle, and as vigilant as a Connecti- 
jcut old maiden cat. [To Gertrude] I beg to be excused 
for this time, old lady. But I could not help stopping occa 
sionally .... you see .... at the street corners where 
there are clusters of men talking with so much excitement 
that you would think they are stark mad. 

GERTRUDE. What can be the matter 1 

BECKENDORF. [Interrupting his writing, but still remain 
ing at his desk, says with a tone of affected importance :] It is 
because the election of a United States Senator is shortly to 
take place. The excitement is tremendous. Our small town 



44 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

is crowded with people from New Orleans and every other 
part of the State. But what do such folks as you know or 
care about such things 1 

JOHN. I beg your pardon, sir ; so far as /am concerned, it 
is my duty, as a free born American citizen, to know something 
about the affairs of my country, and therefore I spent two 
hours in the streets, and about the coffee-houses, inquiring 
into what was going on. I tell you ... it is quite funny 
quite exhilarating people are betting in lots many for the 
Governor ; others, for Mr. Gammon some for the other 
candidate .... what is his name 1 Tagrag ... I believe. 
These, it seems, are the only three candidates. But all agree 
in one thing .... it is in trying to outwit and humbug one 
another. 

GERTRUDE. What s that to you ? Mind your business. 

JOHN. That is my business. The affairs of the country 
are my business ! I ll attend to yours too. Mind you there 
is time for every thing. So my mother, old Deborah Nut 
meg, used to say. 

GERTRUDE. Well ! * I wish you would attend now to the 
concerns of the house. Therefore please to carry those 
empty bottles to the cellar. I ll soon be with you. 

JOHN. [Aside, whilst going away. ] Those foreigners I 
don t care how long they may have been naturalized, can 
never become familiar with our institutions, and never under 
stand the rights of a free born American citizen. [Exit.] 

GERTRUDE. [TF7iO was looking at John when going out, 
turns round, and, seeing BecTcendorf putting on his hat and 
talcing his cane, says :] Whither are you jogging, when you 
were so very busy just now ? 

BECKENDORF. I am going to do what is certainly becom 
ing in me, although it may suit neither the age nor the occu 
pations of that stripling I am going to attend to the busi 
ness of the country my adopted country though it be and 
no less dear to me notwithstanding. 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 45 

GERTRUDE. Cursed be the day when you became the pro 
prietor of a newspaper, and a member of the Legislature ! 

BECKENDORF. [Nettled.] And why should I not aim at 
playing a political and important part in the State like many 
others who are no better than I am 1 

GERTRUDE. If others play the fool, it is no reason why 
you should. The State will take care of itself. Mind your 
own business as you have heretofore done, and every thing 
will be better for yourself and for the State. There are men 
whose vocation it is, from taste, habit, and education, to be 
statesmen, and who have the necessary qualifications for such 
pursuits. Make room for them. Your trade is to be a beer- 
manufacturer, and a beer-seller. You have plenty of money 
in bank, and therefore you can want no office, and need not 
care for the protection of any body. Why should you be a 
public servant, when you can be free, independent, and your 
own master? Rule your family, govern your workmen, 
legislate for your shops, and sell off that printing establish 
ment of yours, which has given you more trouble than all 
your other business put together, and which is a losing con 
cern after all. 

BECKENDORF. That is to say, Mrs. Beckendorf, that I am 
good for nothing else than measuring beer by the gallon! 
That is the low estimate you put on the intellect of men of 
my class ... of mechanics ... of those born in humble 
life! 

GERTRUDE. God forbid, my dear! How can I be sus 
pected of saying aught in contempt of mechanics and people 
born in humble life I, the daughter of honest Peter Bluff 
the butcher I, who think that there is no class of men more 
useful as a body and entitled to more consideration than that 
of the common laborers, who, by hard work, and through 
every sort of privation, have to support themselves and their 
iamilies, and without whose industry the world could not get 
along ! But I reckon the world would not be worse, if there 



46 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

were no lawyers, no physicians, and no such other learned 
and gentle folks. But suppress the butcher, the tailor, the 
shoemaker, the baker, the house-builder, even the heart- 
comforting beer-seller, and what would become of your print 
ers and your legislators and your ministers plenipoten 
tiary and your politicians and the like useless trash. 
But if the mechanic becomes ashamed of his tools, and drops 
his trade for something he knows no more about than he 
knows of the man in the moon ; if, instead of remaining a 
useful and honest laborer, he apes the white-kid-glove gentle 
man, and degrades himself by assuming the character of a 
political gambler an electioneering blackleg it alters the 
case wonderfully, in my opinion and when you, my dear 
husband, get out of your sphere, and begin scribbling away 
nonsense to the President of the United States, who will 
laugh at you, if he takes the trouble of perusing one line of 
your letter, I declare it to you, with genuine German frank 
ness, that I reverence in you the politician much less than the 
brewer of beer. 

BECKENDORF. Go on go on Mrs. Beckendorf. Pray, 
don t stop. I wish you were in Congress ; you would spout 
better than Clay, Webster, or Calhoun. I declare they would 
not begin to shine near you. Only, you moralize too much, 
that s all. 

GERTRUDE. Let Congress alone, husband ; and, instead of 
sneering at the wife of your bosom, who loves you well, and 
thinks of nothing else than yourself and our son, take kindly 
her homely, but well-meant advice. Mind your own busi 
ness, and don t wade beyond your depth. Are you tired of 
being happy ? Are you satiated with your own prosperity ? 
Are you not getting richer every day 1 Have you not got 
devoted friends at lejist_in the^elass-ymr belong to, and in 
which you ought to remain a wife who cherishes you, 
although she may scold you occasionally the best and 
noblest of sons, to whom we have given a princely education 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 47 

a son whom the President of the United States himself 
would envy us a son who has every qualification that a 
father or a mother can desire who deservedly is our pride, 
and is the sole object for which we ought to care to live. 
Why should we trouble ourselves about any thing else 1 ? 

BECKENDORF. Ho ! ho ! if you begin to harp on that 
string, I may as well take a chair and prepare myself patiently 
to 

GERTRUDE. Ay ! ay ! our son ! our only child ! His 
prosperity ought to be our sole ambition. He is the State 
for me. I prefer him to the whole of the United States, with 
old Germany, too, into the bargain. Why should I care for 
any thing else 1 What do I care whether the democrats or 
whigs are up or down ! What do I care who is President, 
Governor, or United States Senator, and what dish they are 
cooking in yonder building they call the State House. Who 
ever rules whatever party is in the ascendency, I don t think 
it would change much the course of the Mississippi. What I 
mind what is important to me, is to know if every thing is 
snug at home if the whole household is in first-rate order 
if our business thrives if my husband is in good health if 
my son is happy if all our people, black or white, are con 
tented that is my duty and I attend to nothing else. Let 
every body do his duty too, and mind his own business. 
Every man to his trade. It is an old and wise saying. 

BECKENDORF. [Impatiently .] And who says no ? 

GERTRUDE. You who are acting in such contradiction to 
the doctrine I preach, although you admit it to be correct 
you who have become the owner of a newspaper, which you 
have not the requisite ability to manage you who have be 
come a member of the Legislature a politician -and, to 
make it worse, you who write to the President of the United 
States, and who have taken up the absurd, and, forgive me, 
if I say the ridiculous and laughable notion of becoming a 



48 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

minister plenipotentiary. I could almost cry from sheer 
vexation of spirit. 

BECKENDORF. And was not Benjamin Franklin Benjamin 
Franklin! Do you hear? a mechanic! a printer! nay 
a printer s devil ! and was he not in time a minister plenipo 
tentiary ? And did not other people become great, who had 
started as low as I did ? 

GERTRUDE. I don t deny it. It may all be true for all 
that I know. But if true, there was something in those men 
that is not in you. Men are not alike, husband, and I don t 
believe, as politicians say, that " they are born equal." 
You have your qualifications. They were sufficient to win 
my love, to make you rich, and a useful and respectable 
member of society. Is not that enough ? Aim not higher, 
and if, instead of looking in the wrong direction, you had 
been taking at home a closer survey of what concerns you, 
you would have discovered that our dear son is not happy 
that he is drooping in spirits that he has some secret sorrow 
he conceals from us. 

BECKENDORF. Is it possible ! Mortimer unhappy ! Our 
only son in drooping spirits ! What can ail the boy ? Pish! 
It cannot be. 

GERTRUDE. Ay ! ay it is so. It escaped your observa 
tion, not mine. Trust a mother s eye for that. 

BECKENDORF. Why he must be dyspeptic or some such 
thing. Give him some of our oldest Rhenish wine. It 
cures every thing. After all, it is your business, wife, to 
nurse the boy that is the province of a woman. What 
could I do for him ] I have had so much occupation since the 
meeting of the Legislature, and I have been so much absorbed 
by the forthcoming election of a United States Senator, that 
1 could not turn my attention to household affairs. I was re 
lying altogether upon you to make him happy, and to keep 
him in good health. What ails the boy, I say ? It can t be 
any thing serious. What does he wish? I refuse him noth- 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 49 

ing. Does he want a larger allowance of money ? Ask him 
how much. I dare say he has got some crotchet or other in 
his head. Well ! here is the key of my strong box give 
it to him let him help himself. Young men have their 
follies at times, which must be humored and . . . 

GERTRUDE. Hush ! here he comes. 

/ 



SCENE III. 

MORTIMER. [Entering with precipitancy. ] So you have 
not yet gone out, father. I am glad to be in time to beg you 
stay at home until twelve o clock, when the caucus meets at 
the State House, whither I pray to be permitted to accom 
pany you, 

BECKENDORF. And why stay at home 1 

MORTIMER. Because the whole town is topsy turvy. It is 
now known to all that the Senatorial contest thus stands : 35 
for Gammon ; 35 for the Governor ; 15 for Tagrag, and one 
blank which is the vote of Mr. Randolph, who obstinately 
persists with his characteristic political apathy in siding with 
nobody, and on the ground that he does not care who gets 
the caucus nomination, the three candidates being his friends, 
and equally worthy of the honor they desire. Therefore, the 
absence, defection, or disappearance, in one way or other, of 
one single voter, is of so much importance, that the candidates 
watch over their respective partisans as a hen over her brood, 
and there are all sorts of stories afloat on the tricks which 
will be played, in buying out, bargaining, and even kidnap 
ping, in order to secure success. 

BECKENDORF. What s that to "me 1 You don t suppose 1 
can be bought like a negro, or that I want a body guard 
to protect me, and that I am exposed, in broad daylight, to 
be run away with in the loving arms of some madcap, as if I 
were an heiress ! 
3 



50 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

MORTIMER. But, father I was cautioned by one who is 
well informed, no doubt, and whom I cannot name, to put 
you on your guard, because .... 

BECKENDORF. Pish ! Nonsense I am off to break 
fast with Turncoat and Wagtail. 

MORTIMER. What ! two of the Governor s warmest friends 
and supporters ! 

BECKENDORF. Well ! What of it ? Because the Gover 
nor is a puppy must that prevent me from associating with 
his friends ? Besides, Turncoat and Wagtail betted with me 
yesterday, that they could produce better beer and Rhenish 
wine than any I can boast of. Presumptuous coxcombs! 
I ll make them pull down their flag. 

MORTIMER. [Aside.] I see that Mr. Randolph s hint was 
not unfounded. [To Heckendorf] But, father, as mother 
says you are always sick when you dine out, had you not 
better abstain from 

BECKENDORF. Suppose it to be true I am going to break 
fast out, and not dine ! 

MORTIMER. But those two unprincipled men might be 
daring enough to drug the wines, if necessary, so as to prevent 
you from attending the caucus, and thereby cause Mr. Gam 
mon to lose one vote. 

BECKENDORF. [Alarmed. ] You don t suppose them ca 
pable of poisoning rne ! 

[During the preceding conversation, Gertrude had seated 
herself in the back part of the stage, and had been occupied 
in knitting. She flings aside her work, and, coming up to the 
two actors, says with great animation :] 

GERTRUDE. Yes ! politicians are capable of every thing. 

MORTIMER. Not so fast, mother ; not so fast. All I mean 
is, that they might attempt to produce some temporary indis 
position, which might put father in a position he would for 
ever after regret deeply. 

[Enter JOHN.] 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 51 

JOHN. [To Eeckendorf^\ I beg pardon, sir .... but hear 
ing that there was a popular demonstration intended for your 
friend and candidate, Mr. Gammon, I had stepped out a little 
bit just as far as the corner, to ascertain what of truth there 
is in it, when I met the gentleman himself in a great hurry, 
who handed me this note to be delivered to you. 

BECKENDORF. [Taking the note and reading^ "My dear 
sir, the game is mine. One of the Governor s voters has 
suddenly departed from Baton Rouge and gone home on ac 
count of illness in his family so that I now stand thus : 
thirty -five for me to thirty-four for the Governor in the caucus. 
The people are getting up a demonstration in my favor, and, 
as they know you to be one of my firmest supporters, they 
wish to show you their gratitude, and therefore will soon call 
at your house, where they will form in a procession, put you 
at the head of it, and march to the State House. That 
demonstration, and the honors thus paid to you as my friend, 
will not be without effect at Washington in furtherance of 
a certain object we have at heart." 

MORTIMER. [Aside. ] A lucky accident! [To BecJcen- 
dorf.\ There . . . you see . . father . . . you are now com 
pelled to stay at home. 

BECKENDORF. Well ! since I must please you in this re 
quest, I will write a letter of apology to Wagtail and Turn 
coat. 

GERTRUDE. [ With vivacity, ,] And I wish you would do 
the same as to Mr. Gammon s popular demonstration, and 
write to him to keep it for himself. 

BECKENDORF. Tut! wife, you are behind the age, but I 
hope that, one day, when in a more exalted sphere, you will 
understand these things better. [To John. ] Come to my 
room . . . I ll write a few lines which you will carry right off 
to Messrs. Wagtail and Turncoat. 
[Exeunt.] 



52 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



SCENE IY. 

GERTRUDE. Far from grieving at your being dismissed 
from the Governor s family, my son, I rejoice at it, for you 
will now stay with us altogether. We shall no longer live 
apart, even for a few days. But why, my darling, should 
you wear such looks of dejection ? 

MORTIMER. Because, mother, I grieve at the idea of 
afflicting you and overclouding the bright prospect of happi 
ness for us all at home, which your imagination has been 
sketching. 

GERTRUDE. What can prevent its being realized 1 

MORTIMER. Because, mother, I must leave you and father 
for some time leave Louisiana my cherished native land 
for foreign parts. 

GERTRUDE. Gracious heaven ! what do I hear, my son ! 
What is the meaning of all this 1 You 1 leave your aged 
parents and put the broad ocean between them and their only 
support their only joy ! the only object they live for ! 
What have we done to drive you away from the paternal 
house 1 How can such a resolution have sprung up in the 
heart of so loving and dutiful a son as you are, Mortimer ? 
Have we involuntarily been the cause of any secret grief 
which it is in my power to remedy ? Is there one of your 
wishes not gratified] [Throwing her arms round his neck.] 
It is not my fault, child thy poor mother s fault. I did 
not know that you wanted aiiy thing. Pardon me pardon 
me. Whatever you want, you shall have. 

MORTIMER. Oh ! mother ! you increase my grief by sup 
posing that you can be the cause of it. You ! asking pardon 
of me ! . . when I should be at your feet craving your bless 
ing and your forgiveness for the sorrow I am going to bring 
on your gray hairs. [Kissing her forehead.] You are the 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 53 

tenderest, the best, the most indulgent of mothers and yet 
I must part with you for a while ! My heart is breaking 
I cannot stay here for the present. 

GERTRUDE. And why ? In what part of the world will 
you be as truly and as ardently loved as here 1 What ails 
you? The Governor has dismissed you from his plantation. 
Well ! you have remained there long enough to become as 
good a planter as he ; we have sufficient means to purchase 
a handsome sugar estate. There we will live cheerily to 
gether, making ourselves and our negroes and every thing 
about us gay and happy. Perhaps you are ashamed of our 
humble beginning and of the homely kind of business which 
we continue to carry. Well ! we can do without it, and soon 
become sugar nabobs like others, whose beginning is for 
gotten, and whose fortune is perhaps not so legitimately and 
so honestly come by as ours. Cheer up ! cheer up, my son ! 
I ll lose no time, and close the shop to-morrow, and in less 
than a month you will be the lord and master of a large plan 
tation and one hundred hands. 

MORTIMER. Don t talk in this strain, mother. How can. 
you suppose me so mean as to be ashamed of my parents, 
and of the manner in w r hich they have honorably risen to 
affluence, and become able to give me a more liberal and re 
fined education than I could have any pretensions to. 

GERTRUDE. Ay ! the education of a prince and it is no 
more than you deserved. 

MORTIMER. [With a melancholy smile.~\ Say of a gentle 
man. That is the best and the highest. But it is, perhaps, 
the cause of all my unhappiness. 

GERTRUDE. Bless me ! What do you mean 1 

MORTIMER. I ll tell you all. It is time that yo^i should 
know all. Besides the secret seems more heavy from its 
being pent up and confined within my breast ; and who should 
be intrusted with a son s grief, if it were not a mother ! 
Would to God you had been contented with giving me the 



54 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

education necessary to carry on my father s occupation, in 
stead of attempting to lift me up above the level where I was 
born. 

GERTRUDE. But where is the harm 1 . . . 

MORTIMER. You will see. You or rather my father, dis 
countenancing the idea of my being a brewer of beer as he 
was, cherished the hope of making me a sugar-planter, and 
desired me to become one of what is called the aristocracy 
of the land, in a country where the bare conception of there 
being an aristocracy of any kind, in the true sense of the 
word, is ludicrously absurd, jl don t blame you for it. That 
was a thought of the heart, but it led to my present unhappi- 
ness. 

GERTRUDE. Explain, my son . . . explain. 

MORTIMER. A short time after I left the university, father, 
as you well know, introduced me into the Governor s family, 
to learn the management of a plantation, before his buying 
one for me. 

GERTRUDE. Well ! Well ! But what has all this to do 
with your desire to leave us ? I don t understand .... 

MORTIMER. Oh ! mother ; you have not seen Henrietta, 
the Governor s eldest daughter. When my supervising of 
the labors on the plantation for the day was over, I used to 
spend all the evenings in her company. The piano thrilled 
with passion under my fingers, when her celestial voice, em 
bellishing even Rossini s musical genius, filled my heart 
with ecstasy. My hand at times guided her pencil, when she 
sketched the flowers among which she could find none so 
sweet as her own rosy cheeks ; and often when I read to her 
passages from her favorite authors, such a light of enthusias 
tic admiration beamed from her eyes, as threw a halo round 
her angelic face. I will not speak of her unrivalled beauty. 
But if you had had, like me, the daily opportunity of appreci 
ating the inexhaustible treasures of her mind and soul if 
you had studied that wonderful combination of the best cul- 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 55 

tivated intellect, the most solid and unerring judgment, with 
the most feminine and most seductive graces if you had 
witnessed so much simplicity of heart with so much elegance 
of manner, and so much modesty, that she is totally uncon 
scious of the possession of so many attainments, and of such a 
variety of fascination if you had become familiar with the 
nobleness of her nature, the generosity of her temper, and, I 
may say, the very exaggeration of her virtues you would 
have done as I have ; you would have worshipped her. 

GERTRUDE. Well ! Why don t you marry her? 

MORTIMER. I have not even told her that I love ! 

GERTRUDE. What foolish bashfulness ! I will go and tell 
her. 

MORTIMER. Mother, there are obstacles you dream not of. 
I know her ; and 1 know her father. She will not marry with 
out his consent, and his consent I can never get. With all 
his boasted pretensions to republicanism, he is the proudest 
man alive. Besides, he is a thorough-bred politician. His 
whole life has been devoted to politics ; and he would sacri 
fice every thing to his selfish ambition. He will seek to 
strengthen himself by every family alliance he can make . . 
That was my conviction. Under such circumstances, I shrunk 
from disclosing to her the passion which was the very breath 
of my life filling my heart with rapture and at the same time 
with anguish. Besides, when enjoying the hospitality of her 
father, when admitted on trust into the bosom of a family, I 
felt that I was not permitted to do any thing which the head 
of it would object to. I thought that if I acted otherwise, it 
would make me unworthy of one so pure, so exalted, so sen 
sitive as to the discharge of every duty imposed upon her. 
Thus, 1 kept my secret. But that secret, which was so sedu 
lously concealed from her, did not escape more penetrating 
eyes. I felt too happy in her presence to have escaped the 
detection of an experienced observer, who was unfavorable to 
me, and the consequence was, that, without apparent cause, 



56 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

and without any reason being assigned to me, I was dismissed 
from the Eden whose bliss I wish I had never known. Since 
that day, mother, I have had no rest. The sunshine of hope 
has now departed for ever, and the gloom of despair has set 
tled over my soul. 

GERTRUDE. [ Wiping her eyes.] Alas ! I had seen it. I 
knew there was grief deep grief in your heart, my son. But 
can there be no hope 1 

MORTIMER. There was hope a very faint one, it is true ; 
but still it was hope, as welcome to me as the slightest glim 
mering of the most distant light would be to the bewildered 
wanderer in darkness. When I was exiled from Henrietta s 
house, I said to myself: I must acquire fame and political 
power. Perhaps then her father s opposition might be over 
come, and I might be permitted to urge my suit. Clinging 
to this last chance of future success, I went to two gentlemen, 
Mr. Gammon and Mr. Randolph, who had known me at the 
Governor s, and who had shown me some kindness. 1 was 
aware they possessed influence with the Executive, and I ven 
tured to claim their good services in support of an applica 
tion I intended to make for the office of assistant-engineer, 
which has just become vacant. I thought that such a situa 
tion, if obtained, would afford me the opportunity of making 
myself known throughout the State in a short time, that I 
might secure friends in every parish where I might be called 
in the discharge of my duties, and gain that popularity which 
is the stepping stone to political greatness. Mr. Gammon, 
on the ground that he was opposing the Governor for the 
United States Senate, declined acting in my favor. But with 
Mr. Randolph s assistance. I have succeeded. 

GERTRUDE. Blessed be that noble-hearted gentleman ! 1 
always thought he looked like an emperor. But then cheer 
up, my son. There is hope much hope. Your father has 
.... what do they call it ? .... political influence too ! I will 
urge him to acquire more and the Governor, ambitious as 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 57 

he is, will change his mind, and will think twice on it before 
he rejects you. 

MORTIMER. It is too late .... too late, mother. Since I 
made my application for the office I speak of, I was informed 
that the Governor had betrothed his daughter to Lovedale, 
the nephew of Trimsail, thinking thereby to secure his elec 
tion to the United States Senate. 



SCENE Y. 

Enter JOHN. 

JOHN. [ With a face distorted by agitation.] O Lord ! 
What a frightful discovery I have made ! You won t blame 
me any more, I guess, for not minding the business of the 
family. That you won t, old lady. 

GERTRUDE. [Alarmed] What is the matter? 

MORTIMER. What is the meaning of all this fuss, John 1 

JOHN. Fuss ! Fuss indeed ! I have saved the old man s 
life by going out and carrying the note he gave me ; and par 
ticularly by having my eyes and ears about me. " Look sharp, 
John, look sharp," my mother. Deborah Nutmeg, used to say, 
if you wish to get along in this world. 

MORTIMER. [Impatiently.] Will you speak out ? Don t 
you see the fright into which you have thrown my mother 1 
[To his mother] Some idle story, I dare say. 

JOHN. Idle ! Look you idle ! It is a thing that never 
was known in old Connecticut, where I was born. Idle ! 
Well ! very well ! I am going to my work, young boss, 
and won t tell how your father was to be murdered. [He 
moves towards the door] 

GERTRUDE. [Taking hold of him.] You sha n t stir a step 
until you explain what you mean. [To her son] I know 
the lad is self-willed, dogmatical, and too much addicted to 
3* 



58 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

prating, and to overmeddling with things which concern him 
not, but, withal, I believe him to be honest and kind-hearted. 
There must be something true in what he says. He would 
not thus trifle with my fears . . . and on so serious a subject. 

MORTIMER. \_To John. ] If you have discovered any 
villainous plot against my father, I beg you, John, not to 
lose one minute in communicating it to me, and you may 
rely on the eternal gratitude .... 

JOHN. Stop ! That is enough. That s the way, look you, 
to negotiate with a free-born American citizen. No hard 
words mind you but soft sawder and gentle condescension, 
as my uncle, Sam Slick, used to say. I am easily satisfied, 
when my rights are respected, but I don t like to be scolded 
and threatened into any thing that s a fact. Liberty and 
equality ! you see. Tha-t is the creed of the land. 
if GERTRUDE. [ Who had been all (his time giving signs of dis 
tress and impatience.] Gracious heavens ! He is going to 
talk politics ! 

JOHN. Well ! suppose I do. Politics has a great deal to 
do with the old man s intended murder, as you will see, 
madam. I was carrying to Messrs. Wagtail and Turncoat 
the note which old Boss had given to me to apologize for his 
not coming to breakfast with them, when, on turning the 
corner of the street where they live, I saw them sauntering 
a few steps before me, arm in arm, and talking earnestly, but 
in a low tone. As they are members of the Legislature, I 
supposed they were talking about the affairs of the country, 
and as the affairs of the country are mine also, I thought 
there would be no impropriety in listening. So that off 
went my shoes in a twinkle, and, soft "and noiseless as a cat, 
I crept upon them, just as one was saying to the other, "Old 
Beckerrdorf is very late ! I hope he won t fail. If he comes, 
the game is ours for in half an hour we ll have him stone 

dead . . . and " I heard no more a dizziness came into 

my head, my hair stood up, I gasped for breath, and could 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 59 

hardly muster strength enough to glide some distance back. 
But we Connecticut boys never lose, for more than a minute 
or two, our presence of mind and our self-possession. So 
that, when I had cautiously removed myself about a dozen, 
yards from the bloody-minded fiends, I halloed to them. 
They stopped, and turned round. I walked up to them, 
with some cold shivering about me, I confess, and delivered 
the old man s letter. I tell you they looked blank when, 
they read it the murderous wretches ! 

GERTRUDE. [Crying and wringing Tier hands.] I knew it 
would come to this. I knew it all this time. This comes out 
of his meddling with politics and politicians ! 

MORTIMER. There is no cause for such apprehensions, 
mother. I am sure there can be no design against my father s 
life. It would be absurd to believe any such thing. John 
must have misconstrued what he overheard you may rest 
convinced that .... 

JOHN. [With much impetuosity of manner.] Miscon 
strued ! I say that [Checking himself : and aside:] 

Oh ! I see the young boss is right. I was wrong in disclo 
sing the plan before the old madam. He is for quieting her 
by putting on this air of incredulity. Well ! he is not so 
raw, after all, for a young Southern chap. I must help him. 
[To Gertrude.] You see . . . old lady I may have been de 
ceived. The nose of the acutest man will lead him astray at 
times, as grandfather Solomon Tip Tip used to say. But 
you have not listened to the end of my story yet. When I 
left Messrs. Wagtail and Turncoat, hearing plenty of music, 
shouting, hurrahing and cheering in the direction of the Har- 
ney House, I thought it my duty to ascertain what was going 
on there, so as to make my report at home. Thus to the 
Harney House I went as fast as my feet would carry me. 
Hallo! What a sight! The street was blocked up with 
people beating drums, blowing into every sort of instru 
ments, waving flags, and making themselves red in the face, 



60 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

by calling with fury for Mr. Gammon, who did not seem dis 
posed to come out. At last, there was no resisting the voice 
of the people, and the gentleman came out in the midst of 
a thunder-storm of shouts blushing simpering smiling 
blandly. bowing thus and putting his hand on his breast 
thus whilst the people were bursting their lungs to greet 
him. I shouted too and louder than any. I tell you it 
was grand. I asked my neighbor in the crowd what all this 
meant. " Pshaw !" said he with a sneer, " it is a popular dem 
onstration a trumpery got Up by Gammon himself." I was 
going to reply, when Mr. Gammon, as if he had heard the 
fellow, and as it were to give him the lie, thus addressed the 
meeting from the balcony of the house : " Fellow-citizens, I 
am overwhelmed with gratitude .... [Hurrah ! hurrah /] 
It was the most earnest wish of my heart to retire for ever 
into private life . . But you seem to be opposed to it. [Yes! 
yes ! we want you as United States Senator. ] Well, my 
friends, the will of the people, like the decrees of God, must 
be cheerfully submitted to. [Hurrah ! hurrah /] I shall be 
the last man to resist it when clearly expressed. [Hurrah ! 
Tliree cheers for Gammon /] But, fellow-citizens, allow me 
to make a proposition to you. [Dead silence. ] By taste 
and on principle, as a republican, I am opposed to every thing 
which looks like parade and show. Permit me, therefore, to 
proceed alone by myself to the State House, where the 
caucus is to meet at noon ; and I beg you to transfer the hon 
ors and demonstrations of popular favor intended for me to 
another far more worthy of them than I am I mean old 
Beckendorf, one of the most respectable inhabitants of this 
delightful town. He is one of those, who, like yourselves, 
have urged, and I may say, compelled me to come forward as 
a candidate for the United States Senate. He is one of the 
steadiest and most uncompromising supporters of our cause. 
[Hurrah ! A waving of hats and flags.] Go to him form 
into a procession with him at your head, and. by paying such 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 61 

respects to a naturalized citizen, let us give a warning hint to 
the allied tyrants of Europe." [Hurrah /] Such shouting 
I had never heard before. Even a gang of negroes and black 
urchins that were close by joined in it. I thought it would 
have broken every pane of glass in the neighboring houses. 
But I lost no time, and ran home like a deer to prepare you 
for what is coming. [Here, a great deal of noise, shouts, 
cheers, and the sounds of musical instruments arc heard in the 
distance.] 

MORTIMER. [Looking out into the street, at one of the win 
dows. ] Is it possible ! What do I see 1 Miss Henrietta, 
the Governor s daughter in the utmost alarm, and sur 
rounded by a parcel of those shouting devils and drunken 
rowdies ! \_He rushes into the street.] 



SCENE VI. 

GERTRUDE. [Alarmed.] My son ! my poor son ! what 
will become of him 1 

JOHN. Why you don t think he runs any danger, do 
you 1 Those people are Gammon s men, and young boss is 
the son of old Beckendorf, Mr. Gammon s friend, ain t he ? 
They will remember that, drunk as they may be. [Looking 
out of the ivindow.~\ See . . . see . . . how he fumes, and 
storms among them ! This is what I call letting off steam 
and they stare at him as if they did not know what he 
means. 

GERTRUDE. Run to his assistance, John. 

JOHN. He needs none, I guess. Some of the mean 
fellows are sneaking off already . . and well ! that is 
well ... he is bowing gracefully to the lady and offering his 
arm. That is what I call doing the polite thing, and being a 
gentleman. 



62 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

GERTRUDE. Thank God, it is all over ! I was afraid of 
an affray. 

JOHN. [Still looking out of the window. ] Funny ! de 
cidedly funny ! I declare here is one so drunk, no doubt, 
that he don t know who it is he is dealing with, and what he 
himself is about. [Crying out. ] Hallo! you blockhead! 
whisky-pot ! don t you recognize the son of old Beckendorf, 
Mr. Gammon s friend 1 ? Why I swear the fellow plants 
himself right in front of Master Mortimer, and squares as if 
for a boxing-match. [Shouting. ] Knock the villain down, 
young boss, the law is on your side. Served hirn right ! 
Hurrah ! young boss has knocked him down. [Leaning out 
of the window.] O ! O ! take care, young lady don t faint 
going going gone ! she has fainted. [ Whilst John is 
thus speaking, Gertrude exhibits the greatest alarm, and rushes 
into the street at last. ] Young boss is supporting her. 
[Turning round. ] Don t be alarmed, old madam; there is 
no danger, I tell you. Ah ! where is she ] gone 1 . . [Look 
ing out again into the street.] Oh ! oh ! there she is faith ! 
that is what I call a complication of circumstances young 
lady in a swoon young boss carrying her off and old lady 
crying and sobbing. What a sight ! Here they come. 



SCENE VII. 

[Enter GERTRUDE and MORTIMER carrying HENRIETTA.] 
GERTRUDE. Help ! help ! Come along, John. I ll send 
you with a note to fetch the doctor, who lives, you know, just 
on the outskirts of the town, and I ll rummage my chest for 
a cordial, which, on such occasions, never fails to have 
miraculous effects. Come quick. [Exit. ] 

JOHN. [Follows her but stopping at the threshold of the 
door, looks back at Mortimer and Henrietta. Mortimer is 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 63 

kneeling before the sofa on which he has deposited Henrietta, 
and is trying to cause her to revived] Cordial ! she needs 
none. Young ladies are used to fainting, and uncle Sam 
Slick always said there never was one of them who ever 
died of it. 

MORTIMER. [Rubbing and fondling Henrietta s hands.] 
She revives ! she revives ! [Seeing John, luho is staring at 
them.] What are you doing there ? Get you gone ! 

JOHN. Thank you, sir. [^4par] Exactly what I want ! 
An excellent pretext to get into the street ! To be sure, I 
will get myself gone, as you say. First, I ll take the 
madam s note for the physician ; next, instead of carrying it 
considering that the patient will recover before I get 
there .... I ll join the procession .... and lead the folks 
here in no time. [Exit.] 



SCENE VIII. 

HENRIETTA. [Half recovering from her swoon.~\ Save me ! 
Take me home! Drive away that horrid-looking ruffian ! 
What have I done him 1 Why does he attack me ? 

MORTIMER. [Timidly, and with tenderness.] You are in 
safety fear nothing. 

HENRIETTA. That voice ! . . Is it you, Mr. Mortimer ? 
[Extending her hand to him.] Is it you, my good friend ? 

MORTIMER. Yes . . I the happiest of men ! . . . since I 
see you again since I could afford you some protection, 
trifling as it was . . . and an asylum, which, unworthy of you 
as it is, becomes to me more precious than a palace, when it 
is sanctified by your presence. 

HENRIETTA. [With a smile, and boioing in acknowledg 
ment of the compliment.] But where am I ? 

MORTIMER. In my mother s house. She has just left us 



64 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

to send for a physician, and to get some cordial which she 
thought you would want. 

HENRIETTA. Many thanks for her kindness and for yours. 
I am now perfectly recovered from my silly fright. But I 
do not regret it, since it has put me under so great an obli 
gation to you ; and, whatever misunderstanding may have 
lately arisen between you and my father, I am sure he will 
feel deeply the service you have rendered me to-day, and 
gladly acknowledge his indebtedness to you on this occa 
sion. 

MORTIMER. [ With vivacity. ,] I have done nothing which 
deserves his acknowledgments ; but had I claims on your 
father s gratitude, I would free from the discharge of such a 
debt one who has driven me from his house, because he had 
discovered a secret which, at the expense of many a pang of 
the keenest anguish, I kept to myself, not to give him offence, 
and who grudged me the scanty enjoyment of the respectful 
and silent admiration. . . . 

HENRIETTA. [Hastening to interrupt hlm.~\ My father 
esteems you highly, Mr. Mortimer. 

MORTIMER. [Bitterly. "\ Ay he esteems but crushes. 
I have indeed a right to command that esteem, and on good 
ground, I believe, the least of which is the seal I put on the 
lips^pf my heart as long as I was under his roof. Yea, whilst 
I enjoyed his" hospitality, I could not permit myself to do 
what I knew would not meet his approbation. That he must 
have seen, and he must have measured the effort it cost me ! 
But since I am now no longer under the same restraint, and 
before bidding a last farewell to my aged parents, whose 
hearts I am going to break before dooming myself to die 
perhaps far away from all I hold dear, and at the risk of in 
curring your displeasure, or even the mortification of a con 
temptuous rebuke, I will speak ! and you must, before we 
part for ever, know the extent of what I have suffered, and 
hear what I have forced myself to conceal with so much in- 



TflE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 65 

ward torture. In the extremity of despair there is a boldness 
which urges the most timid to .... 

HENRIETTA. Mr. Mortimer ! for my sake .... for yours, 
forbear to .... 

MORTIMER. [Passionately. ,] You must, you shall know 
that soul-tormenting secret you must hear the expression 
of a sentiment which .... 

HENRIETTA. [ With great emotion. ] Do I not know it? 
Are there not sentiments, Mr. Mortimer, which, before they 
are spoken, are understood by a sympathizing heart ! 

MORTIMER. [In a transport ofjoyJ\ O, supreme felicity ! 
is it possible that .... 

HENRIETTA. [ With mild dignity. ,] No more on this sub 
ject, my much valued friend. But believe me. . . I under 
stood it all your feelings your silence its motives. I 
admired your generosity, your delicacy. I felt grateful to 
you for it; and you see how frankly I acknowledge your 
claims to my regard, to my gratitude. You will increase it 
by submitting with resignation, like myself, to the accom 
plishment of what duty requires. 

MORTIMER. Duty ! 

HENRIETTA. Ay, duty ! what it requires of me at least 
a sacred duty imposed on me not to marry without my 
father s consent. On her death bed, my sainted mother 
made me swear to be guided altogether by the will of my 
father in the choice of a husband. He has lately bid me to 
remember that shall I say fatal oath. I, a weak woman, 
will do my duty. Will you not have more fortitude than 
one of my sex 1 Let your proud soul rise above despair . . 
and since, in obedience to a father s will, I must marry 
another .... 

MORTIMER. [Impetuously.] By heaven! since you love 
me, I will dispute you against the whole world. But who 
comes? 



66 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



SCENE IX. 

WHILST GERTRUDE ENTERS FROM AN INNER APARTMENT ON THE 
LEFT, RANDOLPH ENTERS FROM THE MAIN DOOR AT THE FUR 
THER END OF THE STAGE. HE STOPS AFTER ADVANCING A 
STEP OR TWO, AND SURVEYS THE SCENE, WITHOUT BEING SEEN 
BY THE OTHER ACTORS. 

GERTRUDE. [Hurriedly .~\ I have despatched John for a 
physician, and here is, at last, that famous cordial which I 
had mislaid, and could not find in the hurry of the moment. 

HENRIETTA. It is no longer wanted, my dear madam. I 
am well very well indeed. Please to accept my thanks for 
your kindness, and my apology for the trouble I have put 
you to. 

GERTRUDE. No trouble at all. There is nothing I would 
not do with all my heart for one whom my son has taught 
me to appreciate, to respect, and to love, so much as Miss 
Henrietta. 

HENRIETTA. I am grateful to Mr. Mortimer for this 
manifestation of his good will ; and allow me to say that I 
rejoice at this opportunity of offering my respects to the 
mother of a much esteemed friend. 

RANDOLPH. [Stepping forward and saluting the whole 
company. ,] Miss Henrietta, here ? I confess my surprise at 
the very unexpected pleasure . . 

MORTIMER. [Eagerly. ~\ I happened to be looking into 
the street from that window, when, seeing Miss Henrietta 
frightened at some drunken fellows she had met .... 

RANDOLPH. [Smiling. ] Nothing more natural .... and 
requiring less explanation, my good sir. 

MORTIMER. [With some confusion. ] Certainly . . . cer 
tainly ... I wanted only to ... 

RANDOLPH. [ With a wave of the hand.~\ Right . . it is 



THE SCHOOL FO R POLITICS. 6t 

all right ... of course. [Looking keenly at Mortimer and 
Henrietta, who shrink from his gaze and bend their eyes down, 
he says with a light tone :] A fair lady in danger a knight 
to the rescue ! It seems to me that I have read something 
like it in the land of romance. 

MORTIMER. [Anxious to give another turn to the conversa 
tion. ] But, Mr. Randolph, have you also been driven by the 
Lords of the street to take refuge in our humble house 1 

RANDOLPH. You forget, my young friend, that I had pro 
mised you to bring, this morning, your commission as assis 
tant engineer. [Draws it from his coat pocket and presents 
it.~] Here it is my word is redeemed. [ With emphasis, 
and glancing at Miss Henrietta.} May all your other wishes 
be as easily gratified ! 

MORTIMER. You are a friend indeed ! Command me for 
ever. 

RANDOLPH. [Turning to Gertrude} And I have also 
come, madam, to witness, for my own gratification, all the 
honors which are to be paid, so deservedly, to your husband 
who .... 

GERTRUDE. [Abruptly} Thank you, sir ; but I would 
much prefer it, if he possessed your well known indifference 
to politics. 

RANDOLPH. Those who, like my friend Mr. Beckendorf, 
have such a hold on the affections and confidence of their fellow 
citizens are public property, madam, and cannot refuse to 
give their time and labors to the country. I assure you that 
I willingly join those who are desirous to manifest their ap 
preciation of your husband s services, and I have only pre 
ceded by a few minutes the enthusiastic procession of the peo 
ple. It will soon be here. 

GERTRUDE. No subject of gratulation to me, I assure you ! 
[./IszWe.] Is that one turning politician also, and coining soft 
words ! I hope not, for I should be sorry to lose the consi 
deration I had for the man. 



68 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

HENRIETTA. I see that I must lose no time in returning 
home. I was imprudent in coming out to-day amidst all this 
turmoil. 

GERTRUDE. My son will lead you through a back passage 
into the next street, where there is less confusion than in this 
one. 

MORTIMER. [Offering his arm. ] I shall be happy, Miss 
Henrietta, to take care that you reach safely the Governor s 
house. [They take leave of the company, and go out. ] 

RANDOLPH. [Aside. ] There go Romeo and Juliet, and 
here comes Cardinal Wolsey, puffed up with ambition and 
self-consequence. . . . Beer and ale for ever ! 

GERTRUDE. What say, sir 1 ? 

RANDOLPH. I say, madam, that here comes Mr. Becken- 
dorf with the members of the Committee of Arrangements, 
who have been sent to prepare him for the procession. 



SCENE X. 

[Enter BECKENDORF and the COMMITTEE, adorned with blue 
ribbons, and cockades and other devices^] 

BECKENDORF. Yes, my friends, yes. I will use my influ 
ence in favor of that upright and talented patriot, Joe Gam 
mon ; and that influence shall not be, I may venture to say, 
without its effect. I will in the caucus insist upon his claims, 
his services, his disinterestedness, his ever straightforward, 
open, and manly course. With regard to the honor which 
you intend to do me by putting me at the head of your pro 
cession . . . and which the fall consciousness of my un worthi 
ness compels me to refuse, so far as I am concerned. . . . 

GERTRUDE. [./IszY/e.] Thank God ! he declines. 

BECKENDORF. I accept it not on my account, of course, 
but for the sake of our noble-hearted friend, Joe Gammon 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 69 

for the sake of our sacred cause for the interest of the 
people and with a view to the favorable effect it will pro 
duce. I am now ready to join the procession to lead this 
popular demonstration. As to yourselves, gentlemen of the 
committee, I hope that you will do me the favor of dining 
here to-day with me to celebrate the victory which, before 
an hour is over, our friend Gammon shall gain over his op 
ponents. I invite you all \bowing to all the company 
present^ to taste, at four o clock, the finest hock that ever 
came to Louisiana. 

MEMBERS OF THE COMMITTEE. Hurrah for Beckendorf 
our great leader ! Hurrah for Beckendorf the people s 
favorite ! \They go out shouting, which shouts are responded 
to at a distance. ] 

BECKENDORF. \_Choking with emotion.~\ Our great leader! 
you have heard it, wife ! the people s favorite ! You can t 
say that I put the word in their mouths. This is the begin 
ning of the wide public career opening before me. What an 
honor for our house, for my son ! I am glad of it, on his 
account. It will elevate his position in society . . . I ll be 
queath a name to him, I will you ll see. Well now, Mrs. 
Beckendorf, was I really so presumptuous as you thought 
me, when I dared write to the President of the United 
States on German politics. Suppose he now saw what is 
going on, eh ! Would he agree with you that I am fit only 
to measure beer by the gallon ? 

GERTRUDE. [ With anxiety. ] Sit down, Mr. Beckendorf 
sit down. You are too much excited you ll fall sick. This 
may bring on one of those apoplectic fits you are liable to. 

BECKENDORF. [ Wiping his forehead.] Fiddlesticks ! This 
is a day of triumph, my dear ! Who ever was sick on such 
an occasion ! Why wife, if I were in my grave I would 
jump out of it thus to march forward at the head of the 
people as the emblematic banner of republican sovereignty 
thus to make a United States Senator and thus to show to 



70 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

the powers that be in Washington, that old Beckendorf of 
Baton Rouge has also got a little power of his own in a 
small way. [Rubbing his hands in high glee. ] Hey ! hey ! 
wife hey ! hey ! I am the rising sun, you see. [ With in 
creasing exultation.] Some there are already who begin to 
bend the neck in humble worship of [Discovering Ran 
dolph^ who, at the beginning of this scene, had retreated to t/te 
further end of the stage] Ah ! Mr. Randolph here ! I beg 
your pardon, sir I was not aware of your presence. I am 
so absorbed by public business. . [With a certain tone of 
protection. ] What can I do for you, sir? You know my 
regard for you my influence is at your service what do 
you want 1 

RANDOLPH. [ With cold dignity] Only a barrel of your 
best beer, Mr. Beckendorf. 

BECKENDORF. [Put out of countenance] Oh ! well . . . 
very well ! ... Is that all ? ... At this time . . 1 can hardly, 
as you see, show you any samples . . My wife will attend to 
these minute details excuse me . . but you know that, at 
present, the public interest requires all my thoughts. Be 
sides, I am going to leave off the trade. [To Mrs. Becken 
dorf] Wife ! have in the parlor above, glasses ready, and 
lay before Mr. Randolph our different kinds of home 
brewed stuff. Home-brewed, Mr. Randolph ! for I have be 
come so much of an American, that I import only my 
Rhenish wines. 

RANDOLPH. [To Gertrude] I will follow you presently, 
madam. 

BECKENDORF. [To Gertrude ivho is going up the staircase] 
Mind, my dear. Do not forget to prepare a glorious din 
ner a dinner worthy of commemorating our friend Gam 
mon s election to the Senate of the United States. [ With 
peculiar emphasis] A dinner worthy of our future position 
in society. Remember to get out my best Rhenish wine. 
[Pointing to the door under the staircase] That which I 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 71 

keep under ground in that deep cellar to preserve it ever 
cool and nice. 

GERTRUDE. [On the staircase impatiently. ] Do you 
think I can attend to every thing 1 I have very little time to 
spare. I am no politician, to be idling away. 

BECKENDORF. Well ! Well ! Don t get angry, wife, I ll 
attend to it, myself, before going out. 

[Exit GERTRUDE.] 



SCENE XI. 

[Enter TURNCOAT and WAGTAIL. BECKENDORF stares at 
them with surprise.] 

WAGTAIL. So Mr. Beckendorf you have disappointed 
us! Allow me to say it was a poor excuse you sent us. 
You would have had plenty of time to breakfast with us, and 
return home to meet . . . [with a slight sneer] the honors 
which expect you. People must breakfast somewhere or 
other we take it for granted and 

BECKENDORF. [With a tone of boastful importance.] 
Why, gentlemen, to tell you the truth, my house has been 
full of people the whole morning, and I have scarcely had 
time to swallow . . . 

TURNCOAT. A hasty plate of soup ! 

BECKENDORF. No ! a hasty plate of sour-crout and a cup of 
coffee. But, gentlemen, I -am glad you have come. I was 
going down my cellar to draw out some old wine, which you 
will taste. [Meaningly to Wagtail and Turncoat. ] It is pure 
unadulterated stuff; no deleterious drugs in it, I assure you. 
You can drink it without peril to your health. [He walks 
towards the door of the cellar under the staircase.] 

RANDOLPH. Why is that the door of a cellar ? it looks 



72 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

like the door of an iron safe. I thought it was there you kept 
your valuables in the shape of hard coined gold eagles, prom 
issory notes, and other paraphernalia. 

BECKENDORF. [ With a smile of self-complacency.] So do 
I keep here my valuables but they are wines and choice 
beer. Are these objects not precious, and do they not deserve 
to come under the head of valuables ? [The gentlemen/nod as 
sent.] As to this door, of which I alone keep the key, and 
which you compare to that of an iron safe [opening it] 
the comparison is a right one, as you see . . . four inches 
thick ! [tapping on it] and at a certain distance below, there 
is another just alike. The object of it is not so much secu 
rity, as keeping off the hot external air from the cellar 
which extends pretty far under ground, I tell you and 
which is made strong with solid masonry. That is the way 
in old Germany, and I have found it to answer here ; for in 
Baton Rouge we have cellars, and are better off than in 
New Orleans, where you can t dig one foot deep without dan 
ger of getting drowned. [Laughing] Excuse the jest, gen 
tlemen, and excuse also my absence for a few minutes. 
[Enters the cellar^] 

TURNCOAT. [Goes to the entrance of the cellar to ascertain 
if he can t be overheard by Beckendorf, and striding rapidly 
back to Randolph, says :] We are ruined if that fellow goes 
to the caucus. Then the Governor is beaten, and Gammon 
is elected. You know Gammon full well, although you care 
not for politics, and stand aloof. That unprincipled rascal, 
who grasps without scruple at every means of success, how 
ever foul they may be, after having got Tubfull, the member 
from St. Tammany, beastly drunk after having lovingly 
paraded with him in the streets, has succeeded in persuading 
him that his wife and children are very sick at home, and 
has shipped him on board of a steamboat that happened to 
pass, just in the very nick of time . . . and . . . Dame Rumor 
says Tubfull is so convinced of the sickness of his wife and 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 73 

children, and of their wanting every possible attendance, that 
he has taken along with him as nurses, six strong, athletic 
and likely-looking negroes presented to him by his generous 
friend, Joe Gammon ; so that, the vote in the caucus will thus 
stand : 35 for Gammon ; 34 for the Governor ; yours in 
blank, and 15 for Tagrag. Thus Gammon is elected ! By 
Jupiter, what is to be done ? [Shouts and music are heard 
in the distance. ] and here comes the procession. There is no 
remedy it is too late. 

RANDOLPH. Well, what do I care 1 What have I to do 
with your schemes and counter-schemes ? [Casting a look at 
the door of the cellar.] What a singular, truly German 
square-toe idea, that of putting two such dooi s to a cellar ! I 
cannot but think it dangerous ; for, suppose 1 he wind or some 
other cause should close them, one might be caught as in a 
trap, and, what is worse, one might crack one s lungs without 
being overheard. [The music is heard approaching. ] 

WAGTAIL. [Striking his forehead. ] What a lucky idea, 
Randolph ! We are saved. [He runs to the cellar, enters it, 
and reappears, showing the key of the inside door with a look 
of triumph. Then putting his hand on the outside door, and 
looking at Randolph, lie says :] This dotard must not be al 
lowed to come out. [Pushing the door, and remaining with 
the hand on the key which is in the lock.] He is now worth 
to Gammon his weight in gold ... he is a jewel. 

RANDOLPH. [ With a peculiar smile. ] And jewels are kept 
under double lock and key. 

WAGTAIL. [Turning the key, and putting it in his pocket. \ 
It is done. 

RANDOLPH. [Li a serious and dignified tone.] This, gen 
tlemen, you may look upon as a good joke ; but 1 wish you 
to understand that I discountenance such a proceeding and 
take no part in it. But, after all, it is no concern of mine, 
you will say, and therefore I wash my hands of it. 
4 



74 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



SCENE XII. 

JOHN. [Entering with great haste, and breathless.] Here 
they come Here they are, It is truly magnificent. Hurrah ! 
Hurrah for the everlasting Yankee nation ! [The head of 
the procession comes on the stage with drums, musical instru 
ments, banners, devices, inscriptions, and occupies the back 
part of the stage. John continuing to walk across the stage 
with much agitation] Where is old Boss 1 ? [Hallooing] 
Mr. Beckendorf! Mr. Beckendorf ! [Goes up the staircase] 
Hallo ! old Boss ! Come down ; the people are waiting for 
you : hallo ! Do you hear 1 ? 

GERTRUDE. [Appearing at the top of the staircase] 
What is the matter ? What is this noise for ? Will you 
pull down the house with your bellowing 1 

JOHN. I am bellowing, if bellowing there be, after our 
leader the people s favorite. The people, do you hear, 
wants old Beckendorf and the people is to be obeyed. 

GERTRUDE.-- Well ! he is below, somewhere. Let the 
people find him. 

JOHN. No, he is not down here. I have looked for him 
everywhere below. Pie is above. 

GERTRUDE. He is below. 

JOHN. I tell you no! no! he must be above. [Hallooing] 
Old Boss ! [The procession on the stage and off the stage cry 
out, Hurrah for Beckendorf! Hurrah for our leader ! Three 
cheers for Gammon !] And the old man is not here ! Great 
God! will the people be kept waiting 1 They will become 
impatient, sure. [To some black servants who make (heir ap 
pearance] Look you, blackies, where is your master ? Have 
you murdered him ? Find him, by Jimmy, or you will 
swing for it. [The people outside : Beckendorf ! Beckendorf! 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 75 

Let him show himself at the window. We want a speech 

a speech !] [John shoics himself at the window. ] A little 
patience ... he is coming, gentlemen he is coming. [Out 
side: That is right bring out the old fox, Johnny bring 
him out. lie is too modest and coy for an old maid.] 
Where is he ? Where can he be ? The people, when they 
get together, have not much patience. I know the temper of 
this excitable, everlasting Yankee nation. They will mob 
the house if the old man don t come out. That they will. 

BLACK BOY. [Coming from one direction in hot haste.] 
Can t find master. 

OTHER BLACK BOY. [Rushing in from another direction.] 
Massa must have run away. 

JOHN. [Shaking his Jist at them.] You woolly-headed 
scoundrels, when I have time I ll walk into you, I will ! 

PEOPLE. [On the stage and outside] Beckendorf ! Becken- 
dorf ! three cheers for him ! three cheers for Gammon ! 

JOHN. Who ever saw the like of this ? Has the old man 
been kidnapped ? A mist comes over my eyes I see noth 
ing. My blood boils and rushes up to my head I feel 
bursting. The people are losing their patience fast, I know. 
After shouting cheers, they will soon be giving groans, 
and the old man will lose his popularity and he will re 
main on the shelf all his lifetime whilst, if he rises I rise 
too I, John Tobias Nutmeg for I ll stick to his coat-tail 
fast enough. 

GERTRUDE. [Reappear in a at the top of the staircase] He 
must, on reconsideration, have preferred going to the State 
House privately and without all this parade. 

JOHN:. [Hastily. ] Not he ! Lord ! He has got too much 
sense for that ; he is too good a republican thus to baulk the 
people. He would have liked to have enjoyed the fun as 
well as anybody. [ylsiWe.] I suspect foul play. [Looking 
round, he perceives Wagtail and Turncoat, ivho, with Ran 
dolph, when the crowd had come on the stage, had retired to a 



16 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

corner of it and remained there, apparently in earnest conver 
sation. He walks up to them, and recognizing Turncoat and 
Wagtail, he looks terror-struck, and exclaims :] The mystery- 
is explained. Here are the murderers. Help ! seize them. 
Where is the old man, my sweethearts, eh ? I overheard 
you mind when I delivered the letter. You wanted 
then to get rid of the honest old man. You have got rid of 
him now. But [laying hold of them. ] you ll answer for it. 
It is I who tell you so I, John Tobias Nutmeg, of Slick- 
ville, Connecticut ! 

[WAGTAIL and TURNCOAT shaking him off.] 

WAGTAIL. Beware, madman ! 

TURNCOAT. Hands off, infernal blockhead ! 

GERTRUDE. [Running down the staircase. ] The fact is 
that I left my husband in this room just now, and it is a 
mystery how. . . . 

WAGTAIL. I assure you, madam, that a minute or two 
after we had come in, Mr. Beckendorf went out of this room. 

TURNCOAT. I will swear to it, and Mr. Randolph saw him 
when he left us. 

GERTRUDE. [With evident satisfaction.] Then he must 
have gone by the back way to the State House, to avoid all 
this foolish parade. I am glad of it very glad. Gentle 
men, excuse me, I must attend to business. [She courtesies to 
them and goes out] 

JOHN. [ylstfeft?.] That s queer ! I never could have sup 
posed him so modest so very modest as that no how. 

RANDOLPH. [Addressing the assembly] If Mrs. Becken 
dorf s supposition be correct, had we not better proceed im 
mediately to the State House ] It is twelve the hour fixed 
for holding the caucus. 

[They all cry : Let us go ! let us go ! The music strikes, 
and the procession moves on with all sorts of shouts inside 
and outside. It is followed by Wagtail and Turncoat arm 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 7t 

in arm, and chuckling at their success. John comes next 
eyeing Way tail and Turncoat suspiciously.] 

RANDOLPH. [Alone musingly. ,] And so there will be, 
this morning, no choice by the caucus. Tubfull is sent home. 
[Expressing with the thumb and index the payment of 
money.] Beckendorf is kept home. [Making the sign of 
turning the keyJ] Thus, the vote will be : 34 for Governor ; 
do. for Gammon ; 15 for Tagrag ; and my vote in blank. 
Well ! well ! my two worthy friends and political gamblers 
have no right to complain. The game is kept even between 
them, and they are both fairly checkmated for the present. 
[Exit. } 



SCENE I. 

AT THE GOVERNOR S HOUSE. LOVEDALE, HENRIETTA. 

HENRIETTA. Is there any thing new, Mr. Lovedale 1 My 
father seems highly displeased. There appears to be some 
cause of excitement. What does it signify ? 

LOVEDALE. Nothing very particular. 

HENRIETTA. I beg your pardon. My father has shut 
himself up in his closet, and has sent for Messrs. Trim sail, 
Wagtail, Turncoat, and some others of his friends. He 
seems more agitated and more seriously concerned than 
would warrant, I should think, any occurrence of a merely 
political nature. 

LOVEDALE. I can t imagine what it is, except his disap 
pointment at the result of the caucus, which met, you know, 
at twelve o clock, and in which he expected to get the ma 
jority. But it has turned out to be a drawn game of chess 
between him and Gammon, 34 to 34. Gammon had en 
trapped away one of the Governor s friends, and the Gover 
nor had returned the compliment, it seems, by kidnapping 
one of Gammon s supporters and pillars of strength, so that 
they have shown themselves fairly matched, and worthy of 
being pitted against one another. Bonaparte and Welling 
ton, faith ! Who is to be the victor, time will show. 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 79 



HENRIETTA. I know that my father, unfortunately, takes 
but too deep an interest in politics, and that a seat in the 
United States Senate he would hold as dear to him as life. 
[Mournfully.] I know what sacrifices he would make to ob 
tain it. But still I am convinced that he would not resort to 
the very extraordinary means you have alluded to. Kidnap 
ping ! Did you say kidnapping, Mr. Lovedale 1 

LOYEDALE. [ With some degree of embarrassment. ] Merely 
as a sort of figure of speech. I mean no criminal and violent 
abd action, of course, but the application of gentle persuasion 
some jocular contrivance, or diplomatic stratagem, or 
something of the kind, to keep out of the way one that is 
troublesome no violation of law whatever nothing which 
may possibly fall within the range of any penal statute no 
thing that could expose one to an indictment. After all, it is 
a mere idle rumor that is circulated by mischievous persons. 

HENRIETTA. [With indignation.] And I hope, sir, you 
will give it the most direct contradiction. 

LOVEDALE. You attach too much importance to what the 
people think very lightly of, 1 assure you. Should the rumor 
which I have mentioned prove true, the Governor, I have no 
doubt, would be rather admired than blamed, particularly 
in case of success. Political morality is an obsolete idea. It 
would be just as much out of place now-a-days as the fashion 
in which our great-grandfathers used to dress powdered 
wigs, knee-buckles, and short breeches. 

HENRIETTA. Hist ! I hear a noise. 

LOVEDALE. What is it ? 

HENRIETTA. I thought I heard some distant noise some 
clamors. May there not be some popular disturbance a 
riotl 

LOVEDALE. A riot! poh ! to what purpose? No, no. 
perhaps some pugilistic encounter between two drunken gut 
ter politicains one of Gammon s, and one of the Governor s 
friends settling their difference of opinion at the door, of 



80 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

some grog-shop ; for we politicians must have friends every 
where, and the lowest are not the worst. 

HENRIETTA. How shocking ! I wish the election over ; 
it keeps me in the most nervous state of apprehension. 

LOVEDALE. \_Sneeringly .] Why?J hope you don t grudge 
\ (the people the right of knocking one another on the head, 
^according to their whim or caprice. This is a free country. 
Besides, election days are holidays a privileged time for 
getting drunk earning an honest penny indulging in some 
little pot-luck speculations, and raising the committee of ways 
and means for household purposesTj You must make your 
self familiar with these things, particularly as you are to be 
the wife of a politician, Henry Lovedale, your humble ser 
vant and sincere admirer. But let us talk of our marriage, 
which is to take place shortly after this election is over. 
Let us talk of our future happiness, and let us hope that it is 
not to be for ever retarded by an eternal caucus balloting. 
[Noise in the distance^ Ah! you were right, Miss Henri 
etta. I hear a good deal of noise. What can be the matter 1 
It sounds like, the angry^tones of an excited multitude. 

HENRIETTA. Indeed tEe"streets""are~no longer safe. I am 
glad my father is at home. This small town is so crowded 
with individuals, who seem to have come purposely for this 
election, from every part of the State ! What an excite 
ment ! How can the election of a United States Senator pro 
duce any thing like it ? One would think that the very ex 
istence of the State is at stake. 

LOVEDALE. I will borrow a phrase from Hamlet, to 
answer you : " There are more things under heaven and 
earth than are dreamed of in your philosophy." 

HENRIETTA. There are many things that rny philosophy 
does not care about, I assure you but, this morning, it was 
severely put to the test ; for I was greatly alarmed and al 
most assaulted by drunken ruffians and if it had not been 
for the assistance of Mr. Mortimer . 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 81 

LOVEDALE. Is it possible ? 

HENRIETTA. Who protected and accompanied me home . . 

LOVEDALE. Mr. Mortimer ! How did he dare do any 
such thing ! How came he to fancy himself the right to pro 
tect you ! Presumptuous coxcomb ! He had better show 
himself capable of protecting his own father, before extending 
his protection out of his family circle. 

HENRIETTA. His father ! Mr. Mortimer s father ! What 
has happened to him ? 

LOVEDALE. Why Gammon, having seduced away one 
of the Governor s friends, the Honorable Tubfull, of St. Tam 
many, would have been elected at the caucus which took place 
to-day, at twelve o clock, if old Beckendorf, who was to head 
the procession got up by Gammon, had not mysteriously dis 
appeared so that the ballot thus stood: 34 for Governor; 
34 for Gammon, instead of 35, as was expected and after 
many ballots with the same result 34 for Gammon 34 for 
the Governor 15 for Tagrag and Mr. Randolph s eternal 
blank vote, the caucus adjourned until this evening at eight ; 
and the Governor, having profited by Beckendorf s disap 
pearance, is supposed to have had a hand in it. 

HENRIETTA. [ With much warmth.] I hope you do not be 
lieve any such thing, Mr. Lovedale. 

LOVEDALE. No. But suppose I did. I would not blame 
the Governor ; it would be tit for tat and all right. 

HENRIETTA. Can such things be 1 ? [A repetition of the 
noise.] Again this noise ! But here is your uncle Trimsail. 
He will explain all this mystery. 



SCENE II. 

[Enter TRIMSAIL.] 

HENRIETTA. Speak, Mr. Trimsail what is the matter ? 
TRIMSAIL. Almost an insurrection faith!- 
4* 



82 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

HENRIETTA. An insurrection ! of negroes ? 

TRIMSAIL. No of whites in this hitherto exemplary, 
quiet town. 

LOVEDALE. This is a strange piece of news, uncle. How 
^,an that be 1 

TRIMSAIL. That half cracked harum scarum Yankee boy 
John Tobias Nutmeg has been running all over the town 
accusing Wagtail and Turncoat of having murdered or kid 
napped old Beckendorf. He swears he heard them plan it ; 
he has got together all the men employed by Beckendorf; 
filled them to the brim with his wild cock-a-bull stories, and 
goaded them into a rage. All the low and evil disposed 
people about the town have joined them, and threatened to 
march upon the Governor s house, to ascertain if the old 
German is not therein locked up in some dark corner, and 
kept in durance vile. 

HENRIETTA. Can any thing so absurd have taken posses 
sion of any body s brains, much less be believed by a num 
ber of people ? 

TRIMSAIL. The more absurd the story, the sooner believed : 
such is human nature. But it is supposed that some deep 
plotter is at the bottom of it, and is skilfully seizing on this 
opportunity as a windfall, in order to ruin the Governor and 
destroy his chances of election. 

LOVEDALE. [With a tone of self-complacency, and strik 
ing his nose with his index. ] Not so bad ! not so bad ! 
I declare. A good move decidedly, a good move 
Gammon s, I dare say. I see through it I smell the old 
politician. 

HENRIETTA. But this is incredible, gentlemen. Mr. 
Trimsail, please go and address those deluded and ignorant 
people. Tell them that they are offering the most uncalled- 
for insult to one of their fellow-citizens, by harboring in 
their minds, even for a minute, a supposition which has no 
ground at all to rest upon. Tell them that they forget what 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 83 

is due to themselves to the dignity of the State when they 
outrage its chief magistrate. 

TRIMSAIL. [Embarrassed.] My presence among them, 
would do more harm than good. I am known to be- intimate 
with Turncoat and Wagtail, who are suspected of being the 
Governor s agents in this affair. I would therefore compro- 
mit myself for nothing. 

HENRIETTA. But you, Mr. Lovedale, you have no such 
grounds of excuse. Besides, you are now almost a member 
of our family, and it becomes you therefore to .... 

LOVEDALE. [Falteringly, and stammering with confusion.] 
I beg your pardon ... I can t interfere. I am the nephew 
of my uncle there . . . who has just mentioned to you his in 
timacy with Wagtail and Turncoat and my uncle s friends 
will be supposed to be mine ! Why should I put my popular 
ity to any hazard 1 

HENRIETTA. But, sir, you will not permit those people to 
come here 1 Surely you will not. 

LOVEDALE. [Put out of countenanced] Certainly not ; 
some ways and means must be devised but I am taken by 
surprise really, I don t know what to do. Thank God ! here 
is Mr. Randolph ; he is always ready with good suggestions 
on every emergency. 

TRIMSAIL. Besides, he has no political aspirations no 
reason to humor the people one way or the other nothing 
to gain or lose the right sort of man to send to them on 
such an occasion. 



SCENE III. 

[Enter RANDOLPH.] 

LOVEDALE. We are happy to see you, indeed, Mr. Ran 
dolph. I hope you bring us good news news that will quiet 

Miss Henrietta s alarms. . . . 



84 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

RANDOLPH. [ With a lurking sneer, ,] In which you must 
have your full share, no doubt as every lover s pulse throbs 
in unison with that of the being he adores. [Turning round 
to Trimsail.~\ Oh! is that you. Colonel Trimsail? 

TRIMSAIL. I have come in haste to give the Governor 
timely information of what is going on, and of what he has 
to fear from the ferment existing in the town against him. 

RANDOLPH. I am just from his closet, where a number of 
his friends have met. 

LOVEDALE. What has been decided upon ? 

RANDOLPH. There had been a great deal of talking, but 
no definitive resolution adopted, when I left. Words words, 
and no agreement as to any particular course of action, as is 
generally the case on such occasions. 

LOVEDALE. This is what I call a deplorable want of 
energy. I should think there is no longer any time left for 
deliberation. [Noise heard in the street.] Really, something 
must be done, and promptly. 

RANDOLPH. Well ! What is to be done 1 There are 
two companies of the United States troops in garrison here. 
Do you advise that they be called out to quell the riot ? 

LOVEDALE. God forbid ! It would ruin us all, and the 
party too in the State. The popularity of no man could 
withstand the consequence of shedding one drop of the blood 
of the people by the regulars. 

TRIMSAIL. Besides, we belong to the State Rights wing of 
the party, and, whatever be the emergency, we must take 
care how we rely on the arm of the federal government. 

HENRIETTA. But you, Mr. Randolph what would you 
advise 1 

RANDOLPH. I would advise to do nothing. 

HENRIETTA, TRIMSAIL, AND LOVEDALE. Nothing ! 

RANDOLPH. Yes. Let things take their course they 
regulate themselves in the end. It is often the best policy 
to know when to fold one s arms and wait. 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 85 

LOVEDALE. Perhaps it is after all the wisest course ; for, 
when the people shall have threatened and clamored to their 
hearts content .... 

RANDOLPH. Then they will get tired of it, and be quiet 
again. 

LOVEDALE. Exactly what I was going to say. 

TRIMSAIL. But should they mob the house ? 

RANDOLPH. Why should they 1 Open all the doors 
when they come shake hands with them broach two or 
three barrels of brandy, whisky and beer and ten to one, 
if they come in discontented and groaning they will go out 
satisfied and shouting. 

LOVEDALE. But they are greatly excited, and may pelt 
down the house with brickbats. 

RANDOLPH. In that case I would advise the Governor to 
come out to put himself at the head of the rioters, and to 
pelt his own house with more ardor than the wildest of them 
all. That would bring them to their senses. 

HENRIETTA. There is wit, and good sense too, in the 
advice. After all, let them examine every part of the house. 
This is the best thing they can do for my father, and it will 
convince them that old Mr. Beckendorf is not secreted here, 
and demonstrate to them the gross absurdity of the story 
they have believed in. 



SCENE IV. 

[Enter GOVERNOR.] 

GOVERNOR. Don t be alarmed, Henrietta. Let the people 
come, I am prepared for them. 

HENRIETTA. I am happy to hear it. I was sure, father, 
that you could give an easy and satisfactory explanation of 
this affair. 



86 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

GOVERNOR. To be sure to be sure. Wagtail knows 
what has become of old Beckendorf, and will tell the people 
where he is. 

TRIMSAIL. Ho ! ho ! 

RANDOLPH. [Aside. ] The devil he will ! 

GOVERNOR. And he will demonstrate that neither I nor 
any of my friends had any share in what has happened. 

RANDOLPH. [ With a smile, to himself J\ This promises to 
be amusing. The fellow must have some ingenuity after all. 

TRIMSAIL. [^4s^e.] He must have more brass than a 
ten-pounder. [To the Governor, ,] I am overjoyed at the 
turn which this untow r ard event now takes. I am happy to 
hear that the infamous suspicions so maliciously raised 
against you will be so soon set aside. 

GOVERNOR. Annihilated! completely so. But another 
cause of anxiety remains. Old Beckendorf will soon make 
his appearance . . . and . . . and . . the caucus, you know, 
meets again at eight o clock this evening, and Gammon is 
sure to be elected by that vote. 

TRIMSAIL. It is on this subject I wish to entertain you con 
fidentially. Governor. 

[Randolph and Henrietta, who, during the preceding dia 
logue had moved off and had been conversing together, now ap 
proach the other actors.] 

HENRIETTA. Father, I leave you, and retire into my 
apartment. I feel that I need some rest. 

GOVERNOR. Do so but please to come back as soon as 
possible, Henrietta, for I wish to have some private conver 
sation with you. 

LOVEDALE. [Presenting his hand.] Allow me, Miss 
Henrietta, to accompany you to the door of your apart 
ment. [To the Governor.] Then I will step out awhile, to 
see what is going on, and report on the movements of the 
enemy. [Exit.] 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 87 



SCENE Y. 

RANDOLPH. I am going to your library, Governor, and 
shall remain there until it be time to show myself by your 
side, and to meet your accusers and the grand jury of the 
people, who seem, by the by, to have formed themselves 
into a boistero us one, to try summarily this important case. 
[With mock gravity.] Should you be compelled to plead 
guilty or not guilty before Judge Lynch, I am determined 
to have myself appointed by the court for your defence. 
[ Walks towards the door as if to go out] 

TRIMSAIL. You are not going out, Mr. Randolph ? The 
Governor and myself have no secrets for you. 

GOVERNOR. Yes stay, by all means, Randolph. We 
want, if possible, to compel you, one day or other, to take 
some active part in politics. 

RANDOLPH. If it be your intention, I defy you to succeed. 
But I shall remain, since you will have it so, in order that, 
by familiarizing myself with all your petty anxieties, your 
miserable intrigues and catch-penny diplomacy, I may con 
firm myself in what you call my indolence my culpable in 
difference but what / call my wise and just aversion for 
the life you are so fond of. Politics ! . . . fie ! . . and lilipu- 
tian politics too ! . . . The spasmodic exertions of an insect 
over the frothy surface of a bucket of dirty water. Out 
upon it ! 

GOVERNOR. Well ! well ! swallow your disgust, and 
listen to what Trimsail has to say. 

TRIMSAIL. This I have to say : you know, Governor, that 
my heart has always been with you ; but, from certain cir 
cumstances which connect me with Gammon, and in obedience 
to the express wish of my constituents, I have thus far voted 
for him in the caucus. But .... [with a great display of 



88 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

sentiment] after what has happened resenting the infamous 
accusation which has been so recklessly brought against you, 
and which was intended to ruin your reputation having, 
besides, the proof that Mr. Gammon is at the bottom of this 
hue and cry raised against you indignant at the injustice 
done to you personally, and at the affront offered to the 
Executive of the State by this demonstration against him . . . 
founded on unworthy suspicions; and besides, taking into 
consideration that our two families are to make but one by 
the marriage of my nephew with your daughter, I have come 
to the conclusion to vote for you, this evening, with another 
of my friends, giving you two additional votes, and thereby 
a majority of one, in spite of Beckendorf s future reappear 
ance, 

GOVERNOR. [Grasping his hands.] This is saving me 
from drowning. I am bounden to you for ever. 

RANDOLPH. [.4siWe.] Infamous traitor ! 

TRIMSAIL. But . . . this is to be secret, of course. The 
two votes will come out in your favor without its being 
known who gave them. I must not expose myself to my con 
stituents disavowal and to Gammon s hostility. We poli 
ticians must have a due regard for certain considerations, and 
must manage to keep up appearances . . . fair appearances at 
least. 

GOVERNOR. Certainly certainly I understand it so. It 
shall be secret of course. This is a matter of honor between 
us. 

RANDOLPH. [^iwde.] Really, a precious scoundrel . . . 
this fellow Trimsail! [To the Governor and Trimsail, with a 
slight indication of contempt in his tone] I compliment you 
both, gentlemen. 

TRIMSAIL. [^4sc?6!.] He can t now deny that he will be 
indebted to me for his election. It is done before a witness, 
and handsomely too, I think ; for I just seized the opportune 
moment by the forelock. [To the Governor, and pulling out 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 89 

his watch.] The sun is going down the caucus will meet at 
eight. You have not to wait long for your success. 

GOVERNOR. How shall I ever acknowledge 

TRIMSAIL. Pooh ! Governor ; don t think so much of it. 
[-4Yfe.] I hope you will, though ! Now a judge, or never, 
I should think. 

RANDOLPH. Well ! gentlemen, I thank you for the lesson 
you have given me, as you said you intended. Faith ! This 
is indeed the school for politics, and, if I do not profit by it, 
it shall be my fault. 



SCENE YI. 

[LOVEDALE coming in.~\ 

LOVEDALE. [In a light, gay tone to Randolph.] Ay if 
you received a few more lessons of the kind ; if you ever 
condescended to associate more with me, and to be guided by 
my advice, you might, considering all the advantages you pos 
sess, soon become the first man in the State. [Turning to the 
Governor.] But to the purpose I have just been looking 
about what is going on ... and . . [turning again to Ran 
dolph] had you been with me, you would have seen how far 
political skill can be carried. I declare .... I admire that 
fellow Joe Gammon. [To the Governor .] Yes, Governor, I 
admire him. That s a fact ; he is our master he is indeed ! 
and we shall deserve credit if we overreach him. 

GOVERNOR. What trick has the old sinner been at again 1 
LOVEDALE. [Laughing! ah! ah!] Why he who had 
been, in a sly, underhand way, circulating the rumor of your 
having caused the old German to be kidnapped he who had 
got up all this excitement by the mere shaking of his little 
finger, and who is always so well understood and so faithfully 
obeyed by his agents, without his compromitting himself by 



90 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



word or action he faith has just been haranguing the mob 
most pathetically defending you with great zeal swearing 
that you are innocent, and that he will die by your side in 
screening you from those odious imputations. The upshot of 
it is, that he has persuaded the people not to come here in a 
body, as it would be, he said, an indecent attempt at intimi- 
dation,but merely to send you a committee of inquiry, that will, 
I am sure, insult you, whilst pretending to keep up all the ap 
pearances of courtesy, and that will do more mischief than if a 
band of rioters should pull down the house. Nay that in 
carnate humbug has succeeded in passing himself off for a 
noble-hearted fellow. I left the people shouting in praise of 
his generosity and of his chivalrous deportment towards you. 

TRIMSAIL. This is indeed worthy of the old fox. 

LOVEDALE. And who do you think is one of the most con 
spicuous in that deputation that committee of inquiry ? 
Why, John Tobias Nutmeg, that hopeful importation from 
Connecticut. What a farce ! 

RANDOLPH. Well ! let us go to the gallery in the front 
part of the house, there to wait for those ministers plenipo 
tentiary sent by his Majesty the sovereign people. Be 
sides, I confess that I need some fresh air. 

LOVEDALE. Agreed. 

TRIMSAIL. We follow you. [Exeunt.] 



SCENE VII. 

GOVERNOR. [Alone, with great glee.~\ And so my election 
as United States Senator is secured. Ah! ah! Well, now . . . . 
I must think of consolidating my power, and retaining that 
seat for the remainder of my life. I ll give Trimsail the 
judgeship he wishes; he is the uncle of my intended son-in- 
law ; he is serving me a good turn, I must confess ; he is a 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 91 

shrewd, active, pushing fellow could- not fly very high 
though, with his own wings, and therefore he will always 
stand in need of me faith ! an excellent tool, in a subordinate 
capacity. As to Lovedale, I must have him elected to the 
lower house in Congress ; he will there be very useful to me. 
My other friends and dependents occupy most of the offices 
in the State ; and, before I resign, I shall take care to fence 
in my power with still more effect. But who is to be my 
successor as Governor 1 There is nobody that I could trust 
in that position. The election is to take place next year, at 
the expiration of my term. If a mere nonentity is put for 
ward a man of straw he may not be elected. If he be a 
man of any strength, he might be in my way at some future 
time. There is the rub. Let me see .... let me see .... 
Randolph would be the man, if he could be persuaded to run ; 
he is very wealthy, and could stand bleeding freely ; he is 
highly respected for his integrity, for his name ; he is ad 
mired for his talents, and, besides, I should get credit for put 
ting forward such a man. I would take care to do it in the 
most conspicuous manner. It would do away with the popu 
lar belief, and even the reproach, that I suffer no man to reach 
any public distinction in the State unless he swears allegiance 
to me. To such supposition, my supporting such a man as 
Randolph would be the best answer. Yes, policy points out 
this course to me. The difficulty would be to induce him to 
accept the candidateship, and then to remain in office until 
the expiration of his term. He is so indifferent to politics ! 
What a singular man ! When in one of his fits, he might 
send the Legislature and the State House itself to . . . a place- 
unfit for them, certainly ; and after having showered about 
his sarcasms as usual, he might retire to his plantation to 
bury himself among his books. No practical man that, nor 
ever will ; he is born to lounge away through life, and be in 
nobody s way the very reason, by the by, why I should 
like to have him for Governor. Yes, he is the right kind of 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



man I want. Well, I ll try hard to come over him. We ll 
see, we ll see. 



SCENE YIII. 

HENRIETTA. [Coming in.~\ Father, I have just over 
heard Mr. Randolph commanding a servant to inform you 
that the committee of inquiry appointed by the people was 
approaching, and to invite you to meet it in the porch. 

GOVERNOR. I am coining. But daughter, one word 
before I go. 

HENRIETTA. What is your pleasure, sir ? 

GOVERNOR. I am not so much absorbed by the affairs of 
the State but what I have been able to discover that which is 
going on in my own household. I have ascertained that a 
young man who, in many respects, is too much your inferior 
to think of you for his companion, and whose family could 
not associate with mine on a footing of equality, has the pre 
sumption to love you. The consequence is, that I have dis 
missed him from my house. I have been informed, however, 
that yesterday he rendered you one of those trifling services 
which every man owes to every woman, and which the high- 
flown imagination of sensitive and romantic young girls are 
too apt to convert into the heroic deed of a knight-errant. I 
know that, in consequence of that accident, this young man 
accompanied you home. Did he ever dare to speak his 
sentiments to you? 

HENRIETTA. Only yesterday, father. 

GOVERNOR. Ha ! then let it be for the first and last time. 

HENRIETTA. I told him so, father. I told him that I never 
would marry without your consent, and the reason why. 

GOVERNOR. This might have been omitted, but if he be 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 93 

for ever dismissed, well and good. You know that when I 
once take a resolution, I am inflexible. 

HENRIETTA. [ With deep emotion.] I will keep the oath 
I took at the request of my sainted mother. 

GOVERNOR, [Moved.] No more on this painful subject. 
I know my daughter will always be worthy of her that is 
gone and of me. [Pressing warmly her hand and kissing 
her forehead.] Believe me, child, those foolish wishes of the 
heart, or rather caprices of the imagination, cherished by 
young maidens on entering the world, soon wear out under 
the rough touch of experience, and those dutiful daughters 
who allow themselves to be guided by their parents never 
have cause to repent. \Exit.~\ 



SCENE IX. 

HENRIETTA. (ylZone.] He is gone, and I may at last give 
vent to my grief. Poor Mortimer ! I forget him ! Is that 
to be the reward of so much true and respectful love of 
such delicacy of feeling of so much devotion and of the 
long and heart-breaking silence to which he had condemned 
himself? Forget him ! and for whom 1 What a halo 
gathers round his brow, when compared with his rival ! 
And yet, soon I must no longer think of him. But the days 
which precede my marriage with Mr. Lovedale are mine at 
least. I have not yet given myself away. I am still free 
and since I am no longer permitted to see one so pure, so 
noble, so exalted, I ll think of him. [ With an exclamation 
of surprise.] Ha ! is it possible ? 



94 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



SCENE X. 

[Enter MORTIMER.] 

MORTIMER. [Hurriedly ^\ -They are all in the front part 
of the house. I came in, unperceived, by the door opening 
on the back street. 

HENRIETTA. You amaze me, Mr. Mortimer ! What 
brings you here 1 

MORTIMER. The imperious desire of removing from your 
mind the remotest suspicion that I countenanced, in the 
slightest degree, this movement against your father much 
as I have to complain of him ; and shall I be permitted to 
say, that I came not altogether without the hope of being 
able again to protect you, if necessary, against the excite 
ment of the people. 

HENRIETTA. However liberal the allowance I am disposed 
to make for these feelings, and however flattering and kind 
to me they may be, I must say that your presence here is 
highly imprudent, and I beg you to withdraw without loss 
of time. I tremble less . . . 

MORTIMER. Don t be alarmed. I could not resist the 
temptation to come in. But I retire . . . and will watch in 
the street until this excitement is over. But say, Miss Hen 
rietta oh ! say, is there no possibility of breaking off, or at 
least retarding, your marriage with Mr. Lovedale 1 There is 
nothing that I would not resort to in the hope of success. 
Is there, indeed, no means .... 

HENRIETTA. [ With dejectionj] I see none I am power 
less I have already explained to you the position in which 
I am. 

MORTIMER. Is there any body to whom I could apply, 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 95 

who could exercise some influence over the Governor. 1 
would throw myself at his feet ... I would 

HENRIETTA. I know of none except . . . [she hesitates] 
he perhaps could . . . 

MORTIMER. [Eagerly.] Who ? 

HENRIETTA. Mr. Randolph. 

MORTIMER. Mr. Randolph 1 

HENRIETTA. Yes, he is not what he appears to be. I have 
studied him, and I alone know him. That extraordinary 
man, when he chooses, exercises, silently, secretly, and im 
perceptibly, a wonderful influence over all those who ap 
proach him. That cold and polished exterior he shows to 
the world conceals one of those proud and choice spirits, 
whose nature very few understand, and whose existence is 
but too often a secret agony. 

MORTIMER. You astonish me, indeed ! 

HENRIETTA. All those who surround my father have some 
selfish views of their own to serve. They have no heart 
Mr. Randolph has and a noble one. He might help us 
from sympathy for he is unhappy too. 

MORTIMER. [ Whose astonishment increases.] What ! 
That ever smiling, sarcastic, but, withal, good-natured, easy 
gentleman, who seems to be favored with all the blessings 
of heaven he ! unhappy ! 

HENRIETTA. Yes. This is not the time nor the place to 
communicate to you all my observations. But, [speaking 
hurriedly] some time ago, Mr. Randolph came and spent a 
few days at my father s plantation. His apartment happened 
to be above mine. He used to sit up very late, conversing 
with my father. Not knowing, probably, that my room 
was under his, he took no precaution, I suppose, when he 
withdrew to rest, and he used to wake me up. To my aston 
ishment, he hardly slept at all, for I heard him pacing his 
room with the irregular, abrupt step of one laboring under 
some strong emotion. This continued almost every night of 



96 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

his short stay with us. Every morning, I could not but 
wonder tit the serene expression of his face when taking his 
seat at the breakfast-table, and at his quiet answer, " that he 
had slept too much," when my father inquired how he had 
spent the night. I began to look at him with a strong feel 
ing of curiosity, not unmixed with awe, so impressed was I 
with the strangeness of what I saw. One morning, I had 
risen at the dawn of day, to search after one of my favorite 
doves who had escaped from her cage the previous evening, 
when, on turning round the great hawthorn hedge. I sud 
denly came upon Mr. Randolph, who was leaning thus [she 
makes the sign of resting her head on the palm of her hand] on 
the pedestal of the statue of Pomona, which is in the orange- 
grove at the further end of the garden. I was so struck with 
the expression of his face, that. I shrank back behind the 
hedge to avoid being seen by him. Will you believe it, Mr. 
Mortimer 1 that face was bathed in tears. I felt rooted to 
the ground, with my eyes riveted on him. At that moment, 
the noise of approaching steps was heard. It was my 
father coming. Mr. Randolph lifted up his head, which 
seemed to have bent down under the weight of some secret 
sorrow he hastily passed his handkerchief over his face, and 
the change was so instantaneous, that, at the exhibition of 
such a mastership of the mind over the body, I felt like a 
thrill of admiration, running through my veins. With the 
rapidity of lightning, his peculiar smile half good-humored, 
half sarcastic, appeared on his lips ; his large blue eyes had 
assumed their cheerful, philosophical indifference, and he 
greeted my father with a tone as blithe as that of the lark. 
Who would have thought that he had been sobbing a minute 
before 1 The effect was so startling and so shook my nerves, 
that I ran to my room .... and wept. 

MORTIMER. This almost passes belief, Miss Henrietta. 

HENRIETTA. It is but too true. I observed him since, 
with more attention than I had done before ; and signs, in- 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 97 

visible to others, but clear to me, confirmed me in the con 
viction that the deep bottom of the ocean may be convulsed 
with some of Nature s throes, whilst its surface smiles under 
the gentle fanning of genial winds. 

MORTIMER. It is astonishing that I have never discovered 
aught that .... 

HENRIETTA. Now that you are warned, observe him more 
closely. The inward man in him is betrayed by indications 
of which he himself is not aware. At times, when he thinks 
he is not noticed, I have seen the shadow of dark clouds pass 
over his brow. Nay, in his gayest moods he will gradually 
become abstracted, and, as the fit grows upon him, the sono 
rous and deep sounds of the voice of manhood sink into the 
hoarse and husky intonations of one broken by age or sor 
row. It is but seldom that this happens, and it hardly lasts 
time enough to be observed by the indifferent. 

MORTIMER. Is he unhappy, indeed ! Unhappy like us ! 
Well ! I already felt for him gratitude, respect, admiration. 
Now I shall love him. 

HENRIETTA. One day, at a ball given at my father s 
house, he stood up in the crowd, so lost in " listless forget- 
fulness," that, passing by him, I ventured to touch slightly 
his shoulder with my forefinger, saying to him playfully: 
what are you thinking of, conspirator 1 These simple words 
made him start as if he had been stung to the quick, and he 
looked displeased, I thought. Ever since, he, at times, 
glances at me with an uneasy expression of the eye, as if he 
suspected my having fathomed the real state of his heart 
more than others. But that heart, I am sure, is a kind heart 
an aching heart and therefore a sympathizing one. If 
there be a human being capable of helping us, it must be he. 
Such men, having so much command over themselves, have 
still more power over others, when they choose to exert it. 
Make him your friend. 

MORTIMER. \_Eayerly .] I will I will but who comes ? 
5 



98 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

HENRIETTA. [Alarmed.] Pray, begone. You have staid 
too long. 

MORTIMER. [Running to the door at the bottom of the 
stage.~\ Good God ! The yard is full of people. [Hastens 
to one of the side doors.] Heavens ! this corridor is also 
blocked up. [Presenting himself to the door opposite.] Bless 
me ! here is the Governor coming this way with a crowd ! 
What shall I do? [Looking round with bewilderment, he 
opens a door Leading into the inner apartments.] Ah ! there ! 
[Bolts into the room] 

HENRIETTA. Mercy ! It is my apartment. 



SCENE XI. 

HENRIETTA, GOVERNOR, LOVEDALE, RANDOLPH, SEVERAL FE 
MALES OF THE GOVERNOR S FAMILY, HIS YOUNG GIRLS AND 

THEIR GOVERNESS, WAGTAIL, TURNCOAT, TRIMSAIL, JOHN, 
MEMBERS OF THE COMMITTEE OF INQUIRY, AND OTHERS. 

GOVERNOR. [To the members of the committee] Gentle 
men, I have shown you the whole house. This parlor, and 
my eldest daughter s apartment, are the only parts remaining 
to be visited. 

TRIMSAIL. I suppose, Governor, that those gentlemen 
must be satisfied, and will not require any further search. 

JOHN. [ With some embarrassment] Certainly certainly 
not. Al/hough the resolutions adopted by the people, in 
their public meeting and sovereign capacity, direct us, with 
the Governor s consent, to examine . . . 

GOVERNOR. [With some excitement] Every nook and 
corner of my house, 1 suppose. Well ! it shall not be said 
that you have not done so, and that 1 have not gratified the 
people to the full extent of their wishes. 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 99 

JOHN . [ With increased embarrassment.] If the lady s 
room is the only one remaining unvisited ... of course it 
can t be expected .... 

GOVERNOR. By heavens ! no such forbearance. Fulfil 
your mission without scruple. You must go into that room, 
which is the last, and I will open the door myself. [Suiting 
the action to the word^ lie opens the door violently. Mortimer 
comes out amidst the exclamations of surprise uttered by all.] 

HENRIETTA. I shall die from confusion and shame. 

JOHN. Why had the young man been kidnapped too ? 

MORTIMER. [To John] Silence, John. [To the rest of 
the company] Nothing is more easy to be accounted for 
than rny presence here. Maddened by my father s disap 
pearance, and anxious to ascertain at whose door the guilt, if 
there was any, was to be laid, I determined, under the excite 
ment of the moment, [casting a furtive and meaning glance 
at Henrietta] to penetrate secretly into this house .... in 
the hope .... that I might overhear some conversation from 
which I might derive some light as to what has happened to 
my father. I had advanced as far as this room, when hearing 
coming steps from every direction, and seeing my retreat cut 
off, I threw myself into this apartment, where I had not been 
long before the present exposure took place. 

GOVERNOR. [Angrily] So, sir . . not only have you in 
sulted me by this open confession of yours, in which you de 
clare your belief in the odious accusation brought against me, 
but you have also disgraced yourself by admitting that you 
played the eavesdropper. 

LOVEDALE. [To the Governor] I claim it as my right, 
sir, as I shall soon be entitled to call myself your son, to re 
sist this impertinent intrusion, and to chastise this base viola 
tion of all the proprieties of life. [Moftimer strides menacing 
ly towards Lovedale] 

RANDOLPH. [Stepping forward, as if to interpose between 
the tivo, says :] Be calm, my young friend. 



100 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

MORTIMER. I hope, Mr. Randolph, you don t think me 
capable of any act of violence here. Bat rest assured, that I 
am grateful for your well meant advice and your kind notice 
of me on this painful occasion. You see .... I am calm 

and I have only to say to this person, [pointing to 

Lovedale,] that I arn overjoyed at the opportunity he affords 
me, of having soon with him an interview, from which I ex 
pect much gratification. [He bows to the company, and exit 
with dignity. At the same time, Henrietta, much agitated, re- 
tires into her apartment^ 



SCENE XII. 

WAGTAIL. Now, gentlemen, it becomes my turn to inter 
fere in this affair. I have permitted it to run its course 
thus far, because I wanted to give full scope to the malice of 
the Governor s enemies, in order that it should manifest itself 
to all so as no longer to be questioned, and make the 
vindication of the Governor s innocence more striking and 
impressive. Now . . . You shall know all. You have, no 
doubt, every one of you, visited and admired old Becken- 
dorf s beer and wine cellar. 

RANDOLPH. jylsicfc.] What is he coming to 1 

TRIMSAIL. [Aside.] Is the fellow mad ! And is he going 
to make a clear confession ! 

WAGTAIL. Well, ladies and gentlemen, in that cellar Beck- 
endorf is locked up. [Exclamations from all : ho ! ho ! ] 
But by whom was he locked up ? 

ALL. Ay ! Ay ! That is the question. 

WAGTAIL. Will you-believe it, ladies and gentlemen? It 
was done by his own wife the bone of his bone flesh of his 
flesh y es the wife of his bosom ! altogether a family 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITIC3. , 101 

affair, as you see ; and, of course, nobody is to "be" blamed. 

RANDOLPH. [.^sicfe.] This is rich ! 

JOHN. [Aside] It is getting complicated. 

WAGTAIL. I have it from two men, whose names I am not 
at liberty to mention who saw her turn the keys on the old 
man, when he went into the cellar to get wine for the great 
dinner to which he had invited the members of the proces 
sion committee and others of Gammon s friends. 

A MEMBER OF COMMITTEE. Where is the proof of this ex 
traordinary assertion 1 

WAGTAIL. [ With a nod of assent, and with a smile of self- 
complacency^ The proofs will be conclusive. First old 
Beck endorf will be found in the cellar; and the keys of the 
cellar in the reticule of the old lady. [Aside.] Faith ! It 
cost me one hundred dollars to persuade a fellow to creep 
into her house and lodge the keys where they are now. 

JOHN. But what could be the old lady s object ? 

WAGTAIL. Go and ask her. But my inference is, that she 
was opposed to her husband s heading the procession. Her 
rabid hatred for politics and politicians is well known, and I 
suppose she has gratified her spleen by keeping the old man 
at home, when he most wanted to be abroad. [ With a sneer.] 
That is the fashion, probably, with German wives. 

TRIMSAIL. [ With an affected solemnity of expression.] This 
has every appearance of probability, and the truth of it can 
be easily verified. [^IszWe.] I could kiss the fellow for his 
genius. 

LOVEDALE. [ With an air of candor.] It is plain enough ; 
it must be so. [^seofc.] I had no idea of Wagtail s calibre. 
His services are worth having. I ll put him down in my 
memorandum-book. 

RANDOLPH. Well ! the mystery being thus explained, let 
us proceed to Beckendorf s house and set him free, [vls/cfo.] 
These fellows are acute rogues, and, if not watched with 
great care, might succeed in the end. [He takes hold of 



- THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

Teach him to a corner of the stage, whilst the 
Governor is saying :] 

GOVERNOR. Come on, gentlemen. I will proceed myself 
to Mr. Beckendorf s house, and I hope that, there, you will, 
some of you, at least, apologize to me for your unworthy 
suspicions. [Exeunt.] 



SCENE XIII. 

RANDOLPH. [To John] Tell Mr. Mortimer that I offer 
him my services as his second in the duel in which he is 
engaged. 

JOHN. [Frightened] A duel ! Do you think they will 
fight! 

RANDOLPH. Bound to do so. It can t be helped. 

JOHN. The deuce it can t be helped ! But duelling is sin 
ful, sir. 

RANDOLPH. True. But it cannot be prevented . . . unless 
timely information be given on affidavit to a magistrate . . . 
a thing, however, which we never do in the South. 

JOHN. [Eagerly] We do it at the North though. I am 
a Connecticut man, sir, and I ll behave like a Christian. 

RANDOLPH. [ With affected indifference] As you please 
. . . But the sun is just dropping beyond yonder trees, and 
you will hardly have time, before it is altogether set, to find 
out a magistrate . . . unless by the by you apply to old 
Crab tree, the gouty and fat justice of the peace at the next 
corner. Still it is entirely repugnant to our Southern 
usages and if you dare interfere in this matter .... 

JOHN. [Snapping his fingers] I dare be a Christian, and 
prevent murder. [Runs out] 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 103 



SCENE XIV. 

RANDOLPH. [Alone.] It won t take long to have them 
arrested. [Smiling. ] Old Crab tree can be easily persuaded 
not to take bail after night comes. I ll look to that. Thus 
all will be safe in the caucus at eight o clock this evening. 
Two of Gammon s friends, Trirnsail and his nameless asso 
ciate in treachery, go over to the Governor s side, it is true. 
But Lovedale s arrest will reduce the two votes gained since 
this morning to one and old Beckendorf s reappearance will 
make it a tie. So so let the caucus meet. There will be 
no choice to-night and to-morrow to-morrow well ! suf 
ficient for to-day is the evil thereof. Let us leave to-morrow 
to shift for itself and trust to Providence. 



SCENE I. 



GAMMON. [vlfo??e.] Randolph is out, but will soon be in, 
his servant says. I am bursting with vexation. Yesterday, 
at noon, I thought that I was sure of the majority in the 
caucus, and yet there was a tie occasioned by Beckendorf s 
unaccountable disappearance. Beckendorf, thanks to the 
mob I raised, reappears in time to be at the evening caucus j 
and, as luck would have it, Lovedale, being arrested on ac 
count of his quarrel with Mortimer, is prevented from at 
tending the caucus which circumstance ought to have secured 
me, last evening, a majority of two and, nevertheless, there 
is again a tie Something which is inexplicable must be 
going on. One would think that old Satan himself is at 
work. Evidently I must have been betrayed. Yes there 
was desertion in my ranks. But who were the traitors ? If 
Randolph would only speak ! . . . The well-defined neutrality 
of his position, and the knowledge every one has of his dis 
cretion and of his complete lack of ambition, are circum 
stances which make him acquainted with many secrets. No 
body distrusts him. Would that he be willing to give me 
some information on this letter addressed to me by an un 
known hand ! I must read it again. Thus it reads : " My 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 105 

friendship for you and my aversion for treachery impel me 
to inform you that Trimsail with one of his adherents voted 
last night for the Governor under the implied promise of his 
having the vacant judgeship which is in the gift of His Excel 
lency. This would have defeated you, if Lovedale had not 
been arrested before his going to the caucus, and if bail had 
not been refused by old Crabtree until this morning." No 
signature. Can this be true 1 I cannot believe it. Trimsail 
is too much in my power he would not dare to play false. 
Faith ! Despite of my boasted experience, I begin to be be 
wildered. I never saw before such marches and counter 
marches of treachery. Why the country is spoiled an 
honest man will have to give it up. I ll go to California. 
But who comes ? 



SCENE II. 

BECKENDORF. [^Entering ivith Gertrude^] Ah! Is that 
you Mr. Gammon ! 

GAMMON. Yes and glad to see you. But what brings 
you here with your better half? 

BECKENDORF. We come to thank Mr. Randolph for the 
interest he exhibited on behalf of our son in his recent quarrel 
with that popinjay Lovedale. He was the first, this morn 
ing, to wait on that blockhead old Crabtree, and to give bail 
for Mortimer, and John told us that Mr. Randolph had also 
tendered his services as second to Mortimer, should powder 
and ball have been resorted to. My heart is filled with grati 
tude I am bound to him for life. 

GERTRUDE. And the more so, that he does not expect 

any thing in return, for he wants nothing and is no politician. 

GAMMON. Well ! Well ! Mrs. Beckendorf your aversion 

to politics nearly ruined me yesterday ; for if you had not 



106 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

kept your loving spouse at home by .... [making the sign 
of locking with a key] ho would have attended the caucus, 
and I should be now as good us a United States Senator. 

GERTRUDE. [Angrily.] Sir, you do not suppose that I 
took such liberties with my husband, do you 1 I scold him, 
it is true and brush him up sometimes for his own good 
Jmt I do not forget that he is after_alLtp be the lord and 
master and if he chooses to go his own way, after 1 have 
remonstrated why that is his look out the consequences 
be on his own head ! and let me tell you if his head was 
not turned by such as you, Mr. Gammon 

BECKENDORF. Wife ! Wife ! That is going too far, and 
if . . . 

GAMMON. Poh ! Let the honest woman speak her mind. 
[To Gertrude, in a bantering tone.] But, madam, if not you, 
who could have locked up your husband in his own cellar 1 

GERTRUDE. [Impetuously.] -Some politician, to be sure. 

GAMMON. But how came the keys of the cellar to be 
found in your own bag 1 

GERTRUDE. [ With vehemence.] By some politician s trick 
no doubt. They can do worse things than that. 

GAMMON. You must at least feel satisfied that it was done 
by some of the Governor s friends, since he was benefited 
by it. It must convince you that I am opposing deceit, cun 
ning, and corruption, and ought to interest you in my favor. 
[To Beckendorf.] But, my friend, if your son has been set 
free, Lovedale has had the same privilege, and therefore, at 
the caucus this evening, the Governor will have a majority 
of one vote, since we had yesterday a tie, which was due to 
Lovedale s absence. Two more votes on my side would 
elect me, if they could be got. Perhaps they could be sub 
tracted from the Governor s ranks, or from Tagrag s faithful 
guard of fifteen eh 1 the plot thickens and we must lose 
no time. 

BECKENDORF. What is to be done 1 What is to be done ? 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 10t 

GAMMON. I am ready now, as the emergency is pressing 
and requires it, to use the strongest means of persuasion. 
[ With a smile, and tapping Beckendorf on the shoulder. ] As 
a good general, I have, of course, my reserve, which is to be 
brought into action at the critical moment. This shall be 
done to-day. All that I want is a faithful and intelligent aid, 
to whom I may confide my plans of operation, and surely I 
can place my confidence no where more safely than in one 
whom the President is to intrust with the interests of the 
nation abroad, by investing him with a diplomatic mission, 
and in fact, what I want you to do for me is in the diplomatic 
line. 

BECKENDORF. [Pompously."] If it be any thing diplo 
matic of course I am the man for it. As you say, it is in 
my line. 

GAMMON. Certainly. [In the mean time, Gertrude, who 
had moved away to a certain distance, approaches the two 
actors, and listens attentively whilst Gammon continues with 
emphasis :] You know, my friend, that a great statesman, 
Sir Robert Walpole, said : " that every man has his price." 

BECKENDORF. No. I did not know him nor his sentiment. 
But I think that he went rather too far. I don t think that 
any body can buy me. 

GERTRUDE. [ With impatience. ] And I say that he was a 
very great rogue, if he expressed any such sentiment. 

GAMMON. [Sententiously.~] He was a great minister, and 
honored as such in history. 

BECKENDORF. [Hastily stopping his wife who is going to 
reply.] Hush! wife, hush! if I had known that, I would not 
have taken you along with me. Don t meddle with what 
concerns you not. This is a diplomatic and not a domestic 
affair. [She shrugs her shoulders, and moves of but within 
hearing distance.] 

GAMMON. Yes, this is diplomacy, as you say, and I am 
glad to offer you this opportunity of trying your hand in that 



108 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

line before you are sent to Germany. Direct bribery is a 
thing I abhor, and which no honest man ought to countenance, 
although people give me no credit for such feelings on my 
part, and believe exaggerated reports on me, which are circu 
lated by my enemies. I would scorn going up to a man, who 
represents the majesty and purity of the people, and say to 
him, " I want to buy your vote how much do you want 
for it ?" That would be bribery, evidently. But there arc 
certain ways of doing things which keep the conscience of all 
parties at ease for instance : I have a large sum of money 
in bank here. Well ! I have no use for it. Why should it 
not be applied to help such of my fellow-citizens as may be 
in distressed circumstances ! Let us suppose a case : thus, I 
dare say . . that, among Tagrag s supporters, or the Governor s 
friends, there may be some who, being pinched, or in stinted 
circumstances, may be disposed to sell a negro, or some 
other property, or one who has a promissory note to pay, poor 
devil ! Well ! if a very handsome price is paid for the 
property, whatever it be, it is one way of giving relief with 
out giving offence, or deserving censure. The purchaser 
exercises his judgment as he pleases and the seller may 
pocket his money without scruple. As to a promissory 
note suppose it be paid out of pure friendship, without 
even the drawer s knowledge why, what objection can he, or 
anybody else, have to such a manifestation of liberality or 
benevolence 1 All that is expected in return is .... a little 
gratitude. Where is the harm ? Is that bribery 1 

BECKENDORF. \_Pompously .] No, it is diplomacy. 

GAMMON. As you say it is diplomacy, Mr. Minister 
Plenipotentiary, and nothing else. This is what I call taking 
a practical view of the subject. None get along in this world 
except practical men. [Punching Beckendorf in the side, and 
laughingly :] Do you understand it 1 ha ! ha ! Do you 
see your way clearly 1 ha ! ha ! It requires a good deal of 
discreet, shrewd, and delicate management it is a very 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 109 

pretty piece of business when neatly done and is sure to 
succeed. 

BECKENDORF. [Laughing .] Capital ! capital ! It puts 
me in mind of old Metternich. I understand it all. It shall 
be done. 

GERTRUDE. \_Coming up to them, says indignantly :] And 
/ understand it too, and it shall not be done, as I am an 
honest woman Metternich or no Metternich. I will sooner 
proclaim it to the whole world and . . . 

BECKENDORF. [Angrily.] Mrs. Beckendorf ! this is in 
tolerable. You forget yourself. I did not think that the 
time would ever come when I should be obliged to remind 
you of keeping your place and .... 

GAMMON. [Interfering.] Well ! Well ! I see that Mrs. 
Beckendorf misunderstands me but I will rather sacrifice my 
own interests than be the cause of a quarrel between you. 
[ Winking significantly at Beckendorf, and turning round to 
Gertrude, he says :] I give up, madam I give it up. Let 
us speak of other things for instance of your son. Do you 
know that since he was discovered secreted in the Governor s 
house, and since his quarrel with Lovedale, it is currently re 
ported that he has been long in love with the Governor s 
daughter so that the Governor is determined to bring on 
her wedding with Lovedale sooner than he intended and 
it is understood that it is to take place the day after to 
morrow. 

GERTRUDE. Gracious God! Then our son will die, or 
leave us for ever. 

GAMMON. It is true then ? 

GERTRUDE. It is but too true. 

GAMMON. I know one way of preventing it. 

GERTRUDE. [Eagerly] What is it ? 

GAMMON. Defeat the Governor s election, and secure that 
of a friend, who will procure an elevated position for your 
husband, or your son and depend upon it the distance 



110 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

which separates him from Miss Henrietta may disappear very 
suddenly. 

GERTRUDE. Are you sure of that 1 

GAMMON. Sure ! If you doubt it ask Mr. Randolph in 
whom you have so much confidence. 

GERTRUDE. [ With great warmth. ] Husband you must 
not lose a minute. Mr. Gammon is right we must save 
our son our poor son and defeat the Governor s election 
by all means. Set to work set to work quick ! quick ! 

GAMMON. [ With a self-complacent smile and with a gentle 
wave of the hand.] I am glad you are satisfied at last that I 
am working for your interest. 

GERTRUDE. [Impetuously .] There is nothing which I will 
not do for my son. [To BecJcendorf.] What are you doing 
there, standing still like a block ? Come along come along 
join your money to Mr. Gammon s money give half 
of your fortune, if necessary. Don t buy two or three only 
it might not be enough buy them all they are all for sale, 
I understand. [Beckendorf and Gammon exchange signifi 
cant g lances. ~\ 

BECKENDORF. Well well wife not so fast not so fast 
neither! I must have further instructions from Mr. Gam 
mon and .... 

GERTRUDE. No no You said just now you understood 
it all. To work then ! to work ! Let us know if that fatal 
marriage is to be prevented and our son saved. 

GAMMON. I rejoice to see that you take it so much at 
heart and that you have learned to be a politician. 

GERTRUDE. [Angrily.] I a politician ! I despise all 
politicians I want no office. I scorn your Robert Walpole 
as you call him who says every man has his price. Cor 
ruption is a filthy thing. Good bye, sir. [She drops a 
courtesy to Gammon, takes her husband s arm, and dragging 
him away, says :] Come along. To work ! to work our 
poor son must be saved buy them buy them all ! 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. Ill 

BECKENDORF. [Turning round as he goes outJ\ Mr. Gam 
mon, we shall soon return to report progress, if you wait here 
half an hour or so. [Exit with Gertrude.] 

GAMMON. [ylfo/ie.] What a funny world ! She is no poli 
tician ! not she ! Oh ! no ! and she scorns corruption ! 
Very fine indeed exquisitely fine! /am a politician I 
want office and if I buy a few votes which I need, just as I 
would purchase any thing else /am practising corruption, 
forsooth ! But where is the difference between me and that 
honest woman ? To accomplish her ends, does she not use 
the same means I resort to ? Therefore, if there is any logic 
in this world, I am right in saying that the only difference 
between her and myself is ... that she wears a petticoat 
and I breeches ! We are both politicians in our respect 
ive spheres . . . manoeuvring for different hobbies that s all. 
[Looking towards the side scenes.] Oh! oh! but what is the 
meaning of all this ? Wonders will never cease. Here are 
the Governor, Trimsail, Lovedale, and the Governor s two 
toadies W T agtail and Turncoat. There must be some object 
in this parade of a visit and in the assemblage of all these 
worthies. They look big with some mighty purpose. 



SCENE III. 

[Enter GOVERNOR, TRIMSAIL, LOVEDALE, WAGTAIL, and 
TURNCOAT.] 

GOVERNOR. Oh ! Is that you, Mr. Gammon ? I am 
happy to meet you. [ylsicfe.] Damn his old soul ! he is 
always in the way. 

GAMMON. [Shaking the Governors hand heartily. ]- How 
are you, Governor 1 Glad to see you looking so well ! 
[Aside.] I wish he had the gout in his stomach, the intrud- 



112 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

ing fool! [To the others.] How are you, gentlemen ? How 
are you 1 [They bow and shake hands very cordially] 

GOVERNOR. Are you alone here, Mr. Gammon ? Where 
is our mutual friend, Randolph ? 

GAMMON. Not at home but expected every minute. 

GOVERNOR. Well ! Mr. Gammon, what is your chance 
for the Senate 1 

GAMMON. [ With affected indifference] Very poor I be 
lieve very poor but you probably know better than / do. 

GOVERNOR. Faith ! not I. But say Gammon by the 
by let us fight fair eh 1 All that I wish is, that you do 
not, between this time and the evening, persuade some one 
of my friends that he has a wife and children all dying at 
home if you please. 

GAMMON. [ With a candid look of innocence] Oh ! Gov 
ernor how can you believe such scandalous reports 1 But 
pray -favor for favor I beg you in return not to lock up 
any of my friends in his cellar if you please. 

GOVERNOR. I know you are jesting, Gammon, otherwise, 
I should feel offended ; but say . . . remember, for old 
friendship s sake, not to mob me again if you please. 

GAMMON. [Sneeringly] I will continue to protect you, 
Governor, as I did last night, and will harangue the people in 
your favor, whenever they get excited against you but on 
one condition it is that you no longer keep that infernal 
judgeship in abeyance if you please. \The Governor s 
brow darkens] 

TRIMSAIL. [Interfering hastily] Cease this keen en 
counter of your wits there is no foundation for such un 
worthy suspicions and luckily here is our friend Ran 
dolph coming. 

GAMMON. Well ! gentlemen, you seem to have come here 
on business .... I leave you. 

GOVERNOR. By no means, Gammon. I had rather have 
you in sight than out of sight. It is safer for me. Is it not ? 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 113 

Besides, I wish you to hear what we have to say to Mr. 
Eandolph. It may interest you. Pray favor us with your 
company. [Gammon comes 



SCENE IT. 

[Enter RANDOLPH.] 

RANDOLPH. Ah ! what lucky windfall brings you all here? 
I did not expect to meet so much good company at home. 
Good morning, Governor good morning, Mr. Gammon 
good morning, gentlemen. Achilles and Hector confronting 
one another, eh 1 But this is neutral territory, you know 
no light here. 

TRIMSAIL. They have already been flinging some sharp- 
edged darts at one another. 

RANDOLPH. Ho ! ho ! and on which side are the gods 1 I 
mean the bystanders. [Looking meaningly at Trimsail who 
hangs down his head.~\ But I will summon some spirits from 
the vast deep that will be more potent than mythological 
gods to keep you at peace. [Rings the bell servant ap 
pears. ] Bring refreshments here. Gentlemen, be seated 
and take your " ease in your own inn" to use the expres 
sions of jolly Falstaff that lover of good cheer, and hater 
of trouble, war, and politics, like myself, except he was 
fatter. [Servant comes in with refreshments. They Jill up.~\ 

GOVERNOR. Bumpers, gentlemen. I am going to propose 
a toast. I hope it will be heartily responded to. Here it is : 
To John Washington Randolph, our next Governor. [Ran 
dolph smiles in his peculiar ioay.] 

GAMMON. [Looks astonished, but says :] With all my 
heart! [^dsicfc.] I smell a rat. What is the old stager 
about 1 Does he expect to win Randolph s blank vote by 
this trick 1 



114 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

ALL. [Touching glasses."] To John Washington Ran- 
dolph, our next Governor ! 

EANDOLPH. [Motioning them to their seats, and taking 
one.~\ Gentlemen, whence this unexpected honor to which 
I am so little entitled, and which therefore takes me so much 
by surprise ? 

GOVERNOR. Knowing your modesty, and your aversion for 
politics, we settled the whole of it without your knowledge. 
The election comes on in six months it is necessary to pre 
pare everything for it. Upon due consideration and consul 
tation, we have come to the determination that you are the 
man to be run, if you only give us free authority to act in 
your name. The object of our visit is to commune with 
you on the subject, and to ask you whether you will for once 
throw off your apathy, and consent at last to be useful to the 
State and to your friends. 

RANDOLPH. Gentlemen, I am grateful, indeed, for this 
demonstration in my behalf, particularly when I consider the 
source from which it comes, and I feel so much honored by it 
that I am almost tempted to shake off what the Governor 
calls my apathy ; but before I part with what I cherish so 
much, I wish to know exactly what I am to get in exchange. 
In the first place, if I consent to become a candidate, tell me 
what is expected of your humble servant, and what is the 
ordeal I am to pass through. You will excuse me if I choose 
to ascertain beforehand whether I am not to pay too high 
for the fiddle. 

GAMMON. A very sensible suggestion ! 

TRIMSAIL. We know that you never had anything to do 
with politics, but our experience is at your service. 

WAGTAIL. You are a raw hand, but a little drilling from 
such leaders as you will have about you, will soon make you 
competent for the task. 

RANDOLPH. Well ! I am willing to learn, and to peep a 
little into your school for politics, provided you allow me 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 115 

the privilege of running away like a truant boy, if I don t 
like your discipline-. 

TURNCOAT. Unanimously agreed, I suppose. [Looking 
round to all the actors, who nod assent] 

RANDOLPH. If so out with your prospectus, my good 
teachers and let me see how I like it. 

LOVEDALE. Although the youngest of the company, I beg 
leave to be the spokesman on this occasion, and to show off 
a little. I am sure that our friend there, although too well 
bred to let out the secret, prides himself mightily upon his 
knowledge of books, and that he has a very indifferent opin 
ion of my intellect, because it has never troubled itself about 
the musty records of the past. Well ! I wish to show him 
that I have studied human nature, at least, and that, with 
regard to any of the practical purposes of life, when it comes 
to racing for political power, for wealth, or for any thing 
else, the scholar who has been living in his closet with 
Tacitus and Machiavel will easily be left in the back ground 
by him who, in the grog shop, has been associating with 
Tom, Dick or Harry, and some other knowing ones of the 
present day. 

RANDOLPH. [Bowing with great gravity.] I humbly ad 
mit my inferiority in that respect, and shall be happy to 
profit by your lessons. 

LOVEDALE. [ With gay carelessness.] Well then ! I begin 
attention, if you please, my pupil ; and you, the school 
directors, if I commit any blunders, please to correct me. 

RANDOLPH. I am all attention proceed. But allow me 
to propound one question. How is it that you thought of 
me in connection with the office of Governor ? I returned 
to the country only two years ago I am acquainted with 
few people in the State, and have not as yet done any thing 
for the party. Being elected in my parish a State Senator, 
because it was impossible to find in its whole breadth and 
length any body else disposed to come to Baton Rouge, I 



116 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

have not, so far, opened my lips in that body, and have taken 
no share whatever in the Legislative business so that a 
more worthless log than I have proved to be cannot be 
found floating on the surface of party organization. I cer 
tainly cannot be looked upon as one who will make much 
headway in politics, on account of constitutional defects 
which every body must observe in me. I am not a promis 
ing youth that is clear. Why, therefore, am I taken up by 
you, gentlemen ? 

LOVEDALE. For the very reason you have given because 
you are a log .... because .... 

ALL. Oh ! oh ! w r e protest . . . 

LOVEDALE. Let me explain. Yes . . because he is in the 
way of nobody, I mean. He can be reproached with nothing 
having done nothing. He can t be attacked ! What could 
the papers of the opposition say 1 

RANDOLPH. Very flattering indeed ! It seems I am taken 
up on account of my negative merits . . . because I am a 
mere cipher. 

LOVEDALE. Not at all, my dear sir. You have great 
talents unquestionably ; but fortunately they are not known. 
Otherwise, they would excite envy ; and so many anxious 
geniuses would look upon you as a possible obstacle to be 
found in their way at some future time, that you would be 
rejected through their intrigues. If your want of ambition, 
your love of ease and independence, your aversion for poli 
tics were as familiar to them as to us that indeed might 
counterbalance the bad effect produced by your talents, be 
cause, as you will never make much effort to push yourself 
forward, and as you would not even know how to do it, you 
might, at any time, be put on the shelf, without much trouble 
on their part, or complaint from yourself. This is very con 
venient ; and there is no greater recommendation for a candi 
date, I assure you, than to be thought available for temporary 
purposes. Such a man is frequently put in office by the 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 117 

knowing ones to prevent another individual, whom they have 
reason to fear, from stepping in. Therefore I say that, as 
few only are acquainted with, or would believe in, your indo 
lence and the other peculiarities of your unambitious temper, 
it is lucky that your talents are not generally known. 

ALL. No. No. We don t agree to that. 

GOVERNOR. On the contrary, Lovedale we take up our 
friend because of his talents because we wish to push him 
as far and as high as he can go. 

LOVEDALE. We, to be sure because we are his disinter 
ested friends but not the other leaders. 

RANDOLPH. [^4<fe.] The old foxes are afraid the young 
one may commit them, but he is a true chip of the right 
block. [To Lovedale.] But have you sounded the people in 
relation to my candidateship ? 

LOVEDALE. [To the other actors. ] Is he raw, eh? [To 
Randolph,] What the deuce has the people to do at all in 
this matter 1 

RANDOLPH. [ With feigned astonishment.] As this is the 
model republic the government of the people by the people, 
I thought 

LOVEDALE. Phsaw ! my dear sir, the people don t bother 
themselves about these things, except going to the polls 
merely to ratify what a few of us, their leaders, have deter 
mined ; and we so arrange it through party organization, that 
no one dares rebel against any ukase of ours, and the people 
cannot help accepting the candidate we put upon them. The 
I dish is set hot and smoking upon the table, they must take it 
,as it is. 

RANDOLPH. You amaze me ! 

LOVEDALE. To be short, here is what you will have to do. 
You must begin with buying up the support of about a dozen 
of the most influential of the country papers, and also secure 
the whole New Orleans press I mean that part of it which 
belongs to our party, and which is to be bought. It will how- 



118 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

ever be understood that one of these papers will seem to bo 
opposed to you, and will pretend to support the claims of 
any rival you may have before the convention, but in such a 
manner as to cut his throat. That is good policy. It will 
also be necessary to command the services of what is called an 
independent paper then the operation will be complete. 

RANDOLPH. Buy up the press that great palladium of our 
liberties ! 

LOVEDALE. [Laughing. ] The great palladium of our lib 
erties ! What primitive innocence ! Is it not rich 1 Ha ! 
ha! ha! 

ALL. [Laughing .~\ Rich ! Decidedly rich. Ha ! ha ! 
ha! 

RANDOLPH. But this buying up of the press must be a 
pretty expensive affair. 

GAMMON. No. Only about six thousand dollars ; and 
you can afford it. 

LOVEDALE. Mr. Gammon is right. Those papers will 
say, for a trifling remuneration, that you are perfection itself, 
and will demonstrate that you are clamorously demanded by 
the people as Governor. The next step will be to pack the 
convention. 

RANDOLPH. Pack the Convention ! like cards 1 

LOVEDALE. Why certainly -pack the Convention like 
a jury. Where do you come from, man ? Have you 
dropped from the moon ? 

TRIMSAIL. Of course, Mr. Randolph no one, however 
exalted his merits may be, can be expected to be taken up as 
the candidate of a party, unless he packs the convention, or 
unless his friends do it for him. 

LOVEDALE. In every country parish, there are two or 
three men who control it and who can cause to be appointed 
what delegates they please. By securing those -few men, we 
secure the country influence, and, depend upon it, we are 
well acquainted with the means to be employed in order to 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 119 

accomplish that purpose. Is it not true, Governor, eh? 
[ With a meaning look and smile.] 

GOVERNOR. To be sure to be sure . . provided Mr. 
Randolph authorizes us to go the full length in his name. In 
that case we would give him more detailed information on 
the subject. 

LOVEDALE. As to the city of New Orleans, it is the easiest 
thing in the world to have what delegates we please. The 
operation is not complicated at all it is a mere matter of 
dollars and cents. 

RANDOLPH. Has it come to this? Are freemen to be 
bought like hogs in the market ? Well ! well ! what will 
that cost ? 

WAGTAIL. I am fully qualified to answer ; for I acted as 
the agent of the Governor in the last gubernatorial election. 
To control the preliminary proceedings and to have proper 
delegates appointed in the several wards of the city, it cost 
him five thousand dollars. 

ALL. Cheap decidedly cheap very. 

LOVEDALE. Once taken by the convention, the rest is 
easy. All that you have to do, is to put ten thousand dollars 
in the hands of the Central Committee, who will do all the 
dirty work, and buy, or manufacture for you, if they don t 
exist, four thousand votes in New Orleans. That alone se 
cures the election. 

RANDOLPH. Is that all ? 

TURNCOAT. No, you will have to scatter about three or 
four thousand dollars in the employment of agents, and buy 
up all the votes that can be bought in the several country 
parishes. 

GOVERNOR. As a round sum, you may put down the 
whole expense at $25,000. Should you give that, you will 
sweep everything before you. [Turning round to the other 
persons present. ] What do you say ? 

ALL. It is so you are right. 



120 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

RANDOLPH. If such be the state of things, a poor man has 
but very little political chance. 

LOVEDALE. I beg your pardon he has some, but in a 
different way and through different means. For instance, if 
you had been poor, my advice would have varied accordingly. 
I would say : show your talents get deeply into debt put 
on openly some real or assumed vice. That would make 
envy forgive your talents for it must have some cud or 
other to chew. Every merit you may have must be counter 
balanced by some glaring imperfection. If the people can 
only say : what a splendid mind that fellow has ! What a 
pity he is such a vagabond ! you may be sure they will all 
vote for you. Envy has been disarmed. But, if you are an 
unexceptionable candidate, you are doomed. Human nature 
will not stand it. What ! nothing to criticise in a man who 
comes forward before the public ! Why ! the stones them 
selves would rise up against him. 

RANDOLPH. A pretty misanthrope you are, Lovedale, for 
your age ! 

LOVEDALE. Damn misanthropy facts ! glaring facts I 
tell you ; human nature that s all. I would further say to 
you :Y.shake hands with every low fellow you meet the 
dirtier the better ; dress shabbily affect vulgarity learn to 
swear as big and as loud as possible tap every man affec 
tionately on the shoulder get drunk once a week conspicu 
ously, mind you in some well known tippling establishment 
become a member of every one of those associations 
which spring up daily in New Orleans spout against 
tyrants, aristocrats, and the rich above all, talk eternally of 
the poor oppressed people and of their rights drop entirely 
the garb, the manners, and the feelings of a gentleman and 
you may have the chance of a triumphant election" 1 . . . par 
ticularly if ... if ... 

RANDOLPH. You seem to hesitate. 

LOVEDALE. No . . . But I did not know exactly how to 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 121 

express it. I mean .... if you should give certain guaran 
ties to the leaders. 

RANDOLPH. That is ... if I pledged myself to be their 
tool ... I suppose. 

GAMMON. [ With the most placid of his smiles.] Exactly 
so. 

TRIMSAIL. The fact is, Mr. Randolph . -. . it is useless to 
be squeamish about it. Antiquated notions must be set 
aside. Lately the science of politics has been greatly im 
proved and has progressed with the age. It now consists in 
buying, or being bought in using tools or in being used as 
such. 

RANDOLPH. Any further information 7 

LOVEDALE. Yes. After you are chosen by the conven 
tion, and have put the necessary means in the hands of the 
Central Committee, you will travel leisurely through the 
State, shake hands with every body address a compliment 
to every woman kiss every child drink as much bad 
brandy and whisky as you can and make stump speeches, 
although it don t signify much after all. But it is necessary 
for stage effect, whilst the real work is done behind the 
scenes. 

RANDOLPH. But, gentlemen 1 foresee more difficulties 
than you are aware of. Crawford is spoken of as Governor, 
and no man that I know of has the one-hundredth part of 
his claims. ^3e has been for twenty-five years a consistent 
party man, has rendered great services, has filled with much 
credit, and to universal satisfaction, very important and 
arduous offices which brought him no pecuniary profits, AJ- 
though in very moderate circumstances indeed as to fortune, 
he has never yielded to any temptation. In my opinion, he 
has as much talent as any man in the United "States he is 
of unbending independence of iron energy a polished gen 
tleman a distinguished scholar a statesman whose integrity 
6 



122 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

no man would venture to attack. That man will certainly 
be selected. 

GOVERNOR. Crawford is all that you say but he is out 
of place and out of time unfit for the age quite I assure 
you. He ought to have lived centuries ago ; he is antedi 
luvian. He knows nothing of human nature he is imprac 
ticable. Depend upon it he won t do. He lacks judgment 
and common sense.^ , 

LOVEDALE. Besides, he does not suit us he is not our 
friend and the means are easy to put him out of the way. 

RANDOLPH. [Kindling with passion.~\ Would you calum 
niate such a man, who is an honor to the State 1 Would you 
injure him in his reputation, which is all that he has 1 I will 
not permit it I would rather cut your throat. 

LOVEDALE. [Coolly. ] Thank you! But who talks of 
calumny 1 We leave calumny to old fogies. It is worn out 
threadbare and unworthy of young America. Why we 
will praise him up to the sky will that satisfy you ? 

RANDOLPH. [ Who has resumed his air of carelessness.] It 
depends how it is done. 

LOVEDALE. We will do it in the nicest way imaginable. 
With a few skilful agents in the city and a few others scat 
tered through the country, we will manage it easily. 

RANDOLPH. Let us see how. 

LOVEDALE. Thus whenever Crawford s name shall be 
mentioned, these agents will profess to be his warmest 
friends, and will say that he is perfection itself but shrug 
ging up their shoulders, and with a look of profound dejec 
tion, will exclaim : " What a pity he is so unpopular ! There 
is no office of which he is not worthy. We have tried him 
everywhere he won t do the people won t have him." 
Thus public opinion is formed and there is no resisting its 
mighty current. 

RANDOLPH. But, my dear sir, the city is for him, I know. 

WAGTAIL. What of that ? We will bring down hundreds 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 123 

of men from the country, who will say that the country is not 
for him ; and thus the city will give him up in despair. 

RANDOLPH. Well ! but I have lately travelled throughout 
the State, and I know the country is for him. 

TURNCOAT. You furget that we shall have agents in the 
country who will circulate that the city is hostile to him 
who will express feelingly the greatest mortification at it 
who therefore will be believed, and who, by this skilful 
manoeuvre, will cause him to be abandoned by the country. 

GOVERNOR, Besides, my dear Randolph, it is very easy to 
persuade every country parish separately, that Crawford is 
unpopular in the rest of the State. 

RANDOLPH. How is that 1 

GOVERNOR. Thus, for instance. We send half-a-dozen 
agents to the powerful Attakapas and Opeloussas parishes. 
" Who are you for ?" they say to the people there. " For 
Crawford." answer the people. " So are we," reply the 
agents, " and we have been working very hard to persuade 
the other parishes, particularly the Red River parishes and 
New Orleans, to take him up. But it is no go. He is so 
unpopular !" " What a pity !" exclaim the people, " he was 
our choice, but, of course, we must give him up to secure 
unanimity in the party." " To be sure," continue the agents 
with tears in their eyes, " it is very sad, but it must be so. 
There is no help for it."" But," say the people, " who shall 
we choose in his place ?" " Randolph." " Randolph ? 
Never heard of him before ! Who is he ?" " Why the 
most popular man in the whole State. He is not our choice ; 
but we must admit in candor that everybody wants him, 
and, of course, we yield our preferences. We confess that 
he is the most available candidate." The Attakapas and 
Opeloussas people hang down their heads in disappointment, 
but say to the agents : " If his popularity is such elsewhere, 
then he is the man." " Of course," reply the agents and 
thus the thing is settled all snug. 



124 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

LOVEDALE. The same scene is acted in every other district 
of the State. For instance, the same men proceed to the 
Red River parishes. " Who are you for ?" " Crawford." 
" So are we ; but they don t want him in the Opeloussas and 
Attakapas parishes, nor in the city." "Is that a fact?" 
" Melancholy fact. He is so unpopular !" " Then we must 
give up our favorite not to divide the party. Is it not so ?" 
" Of course he is so unpopular," answer the agents with 
a deep sigh of regret. It spreads, my dear sir it spreads 
and the man, whom everybody wanted, is put on the shelf 
for the rest of his life, much to the astonishment of the 
humbugged masses, as being unpopular and unavailable. 
They are puzzled, but they submit. Is it not funny ? So 
the world goes. 

RANDOLPH. But you will be asked the reasons why he is 
unpopular ! 

GAMMON. My good sir, a politician never gives reasons, 
particularly when addressing the people at large. Reasons 
may be refuted it might lead him into a scrape. No, no 
Crawford is unpopular because unpopular. We don t 
understand it of course. We don t comprehend it ; it is 
inexplicable. He is a man of exalted merit he is worthy of 
the highest office in the land but he is unpopular. Perhaps 
it may be added : that he is proud that he is not one of the 
people that he is an aristocrat and such trash. It takes, 
depend upon it it takes and down he goes . . to the bottom 
for ever ! 

GOVERNOR. Well ! Randolph, now that you understand the 
position, what do you say ? 

RANDOLPH. \_After having mused a little.] Gentlemen, if 
I have understood you correctly, and if you have represented 
things as they are, it is plain that, although our government 
is apparently, constitutionally, and on paper, a democracy, in 
reality and in practice, it is an oligarchy. Is that admitted 
. . frankly 7 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 125 

ALL. \Nodding assent. ] Yes. 

GAMMON. We did not make it so. 

GOVERNOR. It is not our fault. 

RANDOLPH. No matter whose fault it is. But this I want 
to know positively. If elected Governor as I shall be in 
debted for it to that oligarchy, and not to the people, what 

will that oligarchy expect of me ? 

LOVEDALE. Why of course mutual assistance. You 
will help them, and they will help you. 

RANDOLPH. But they may ask me some things which may 
be inconsistent with my oath of office and with what I may 
deem due to my implied obligations to the people. 

LOVEDALE. [ With impatience. ] Damn the people ! 
Who cares for the people 1 ? What humbug is this? We 
are talking here like friends with open hearts like practical 
men like politicians. We are not here canvassing for 
votes speechifying for effect and acting torn-fooleries. 
[With increased animation, to the other actors.] I begin to 
think that our friend here is impracticable and that he must 
be dropped. 

RANDOLPH. [ With great dignity. .] Not having consented 
to be taken up, I cannot be dropped, sir. [In a milder tone :] 
Gentlemen, my resolution was taken from the beginning, and 
if I have listened to you so long, it is on account of the 
pleasure it afforded rne. I repeat what I have always said : 
I want no office. My supreme desire is to doze away life in 
a sort of comfortable dream. Receive, however, my heart 
felt acknowledgments, and before we part, let me give you 
a sentiment with a bumper. [Rising, he rings the bell 
servant appears. He points to the refreshments on the table,] 
Hand them round. Bumpers, gentlemen. Here is my toast : 
To the next United States Senator from Louisiana. May he 
be a great man in Congress ! 

ALL. [Touching glasses.] Very patriotic. To the next 
United States Senator. 



126 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

GOVERNOR. Well ! Randolph, I see that you are incor 
rigible. I am sorry for it. Good bye. We must leave 
you. [They all bow and take leave, with the exception of 
Gammon. The Governor, when near the door, turns round, 
and says jestingly to Gammon :] I leave you without fear 
with our friend. If you can get his blank vote, and be 
elected by it, you will deserve credit for having managed the 
most impracticable man alive. 

GAMMON. [In the same tone.] Don t be too confident. I 
have done more wonderful things in my life. 

GOVERNOR. Well ! we shall see. [Exeunt] 



SCENE Y. 

GAMMON, RANDOLPH. 

GAMMON. Thank God ! they are gone. I was so anxious 
to consult you. Do you comprehend what passed in the 
caucus last night. I have been deserted by two of my friends 
that s clear and only saved from defeat by the lucky 
accident of Lovedale s arrest. I confess that I feel the utmost 
alarm, and I am at a loss what to do. Can you give me any 
information ? 

RANDOLPH. [Shaking his head.~\ No. 

GAMMON. What increases my anxieties is this anonymous 
letter, which has been handed me, and which designates 
Trimsail as the traitor. I am half inclined to believe it ; for 
none but Trimsail could have the influence to carry along 
with him one vote from my ranks. Besides, I suspect he 
has a secret hankering for the vacant judgeship. Read the 
letter. 

RANDOLPH. [After having read.] This deserves consid 
eration. 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 12 1 

GAMMON. Do you believe it ? 

RANDOLPH. [ With frigid indifference^ It does not con 
cern me. But I have read somewhere, that in politics even 
trifles ought not to be neglected. 

GAMMON. Pray as a friend, tell me what you would 
advise me to do. 

RANDOLPH. You have in your breast your own adviser. 
What says that instinct of the head, or of the heart, which 
never deceives, if properly consulted 1 Look inside for your 
monitor. 

[GAMMON. [ With vehemence. ] Well then, that monitor 
tells me to act as if the accusation was true, and to guard at 
once against the fatal results of a treachery which is but too 
probable. 

RANDOLPH. [Smiting.] This is prudent at least. 

GAMMON. So ! Let it be granted then that those two 
votes are irrecoverably lost, and that I must get others to make 
up for this sudden deficiency. But, in the mean time, [taking 
a bundle out of his pocket,] I intrust you with these sealed 
papers. If Trimsail gets the judgeship he covets, it is a proof 
that he has betrayed me. In that case, break open the seal, 
and consider the contents of these papers as officially laid be 
fore you and the Senate. [Rubbing his hands in high glee.] 
Then I ll have my revenge, as the fellow s nomination would 
not be confirmed. 

RANDOLPH. [Pocketing the bundle. ] If I understand 
you correctly, should Trimsail betray you and be rewarded 
for his treachery with the judgeship, I am to take official 
knowledge of the papers. Otherwise, I know nothing of 
their existence. 

GAMMON. That s it. But I leave you having no time to 
lose, if I wish to counteract the Governor s manoeuvres. 



128 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



SCENE YL 

[Enter BECKENDORF, followed by JOHN.] 

KANDOLPH. Ah ! here is our friend Mr. Beckendorf. 

GAMMON. [To BeckendorfJ\ Just in time. I was going 
after you. What s the news 1 

BECKENDORF. Four of the Governor s friends having been 
designated to me as in the way of trade, I have prepared my 
batteries accordingly. 

B,ECKENDORF.-[.#a^?%.] Well ! Well ! What have you 
done 1 

BECKENDORF. Nothing. 

GAMMON. Nothing ! Why Mr. Beckendorf 

BECKENDORF. Stop stop not so fast neither. It is 
always time enough to complain. [ With a great shoiu of self- 
complacency J\ /did nothing, of course, mind you, because I 
might have been watched. I am not such a fool as to fall 
into such a trap. But I sent my wife to parley with the ten 
der-footed. She won t be suspected, eh ! That is what I call 
diplomacy. Not so bad, eh ! not so bad. 

EANDOLPH. Excellent, faith ! You must have been born 
a diplomatist, Mr. Beckendorf; at all events, you ought to 
be one as soon as possible ! 

BECKENDORF. [Pompously] Sir, you natter me . . . but 
more strange things have been seen. [Meaningly to Gam 
mon :] Is it not true, Mr. Gammon 1 [Randolph and Gam 
mon look at each other and smile] 

GAMMON. [Significantly. ] There are few things which I 
consider as more probable, Mr. Beckendorf. But I am off 
... on very pressing business, as you well may suppose. 
Farewell, gentlemen. [.&/.] 

BECKENDORF. [To Randolph.] I told Mrs. Beckendorf to 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 129 

meet me here, and we shall soon know the result of her nego 
tiations. 

RANDOLPH. Well ! make yourself at home here, Mr. Beck- 
endorf, and allow me the privilege of retiring a few minutes 
to write a pressing letter. 

BECKENDORF. Certainly certainly, sir. I should be very 
sorry to be in the way. Business, is business. 

RANDOLPH. John, you have been unusually silent. Brush 
up your wits pray entertain your patron in my absence. 
[To Beckendorf] With your permission then .... [He bows 
and goes out.] 



SCENE VII. 

BECKENDORF, JOHN. 

BECKENDORF. I am fretting with impatience. Gertrude 
is very slow coming. I told her, however, to bid very high. 
She must have good news to bring. 

J OHN> Certainly. She must have succeeded. She is a 
very clever woman the old lady. That she is indeed ! She 
has either bought them outright, or [with a meaning sneer] 
locked them up. 

BECKENDORF. John you forget yourself! 

JOHN. I beg your pardon, sir. Forget myself! On the 
contrary, I am troubled with too much memory. My mother, 
Deborah Nutmeg, used to say that it had always been my 
weak side. I was born with that imperfection. 

BECKENDORF. [Rubbing his hands with great glee.] Yes 
she must have succeeded. Gammon will be elected. 
Then I am minister pleriipo . . . and John, look here 
listen. 

JOHN. [Coming up to him eagerly] What is it? 
6* 



130 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

BECKENDORF. [ With much emphasis. ] I ll do something 
for you. 

JOHN. Secretary of Legation 1 

BECKENDORF. Oh ! no not that but something. 

JOHN. {Impatiently.} Well ! Well ! What is it 7 

BECKENDORF. [ With still more emphasis.] You will put 
me in mind, John, to. promise you to do something. 

JOHN. [ With an air of disappointment ] Pooh ! 

BECKENDORF. But, John whilst we are waiting for Mrs. 
Beckendorf, suppose we fancy you are a German prince, and 
I a minister plenipo. 

JOHN. No. You may be a minister plenipo, as much as 
you please/ am no square-headed German prince, but a 
long-headed Yankee boy. 

BECKENDORF. Pish ! It is merely for a rehearsal, you 
blockhead ! It don t destroy your nationality. 

JOHN. [ With a grin.] Oh ! You mean the acting of 
such fanciful characters as I have seen on the stage. Well ! 
Well ! Let us see the fun. 

BECKENDORF. Then take that chair and suppose it to be 
the throne. Sit on it like a prince and when I approach to 
make my speech of introduction, rise majestically, and listen 
to me with profound attention. 

JOHN. [Peevishly.] But I am not dressed for it. I can t 
play the king without the crown and the other gewgaws. 
Without them a king is nothing but a man like Tom, Dick 
or Harry. 

BECKENDORF. No matter no matter. There is nobody 
looking at us. We don t aim at stage effect. I want only 
to try my hands at the trade that s all. It is a mere re 
hearsal I say. Actors don t dress for rehearsal you know. 

JOHN. Well then ! go on. [He puts himself on the chair 
in a theatrical attitude claps his hat -on his head, saying :] 
Here is my crown. [And talcing a candlestick from a table 
close by, he soys :] This candlestick is my sceptre. I am 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 151 

for light and general education, although a benighted king. 

\_BecJcendorf goes to the further end of the room, and after 
having made three low reverences as he approaches the throne, 
stops at a certain distance, and prepares to speak. John rises 
deliberately sticks his left .arm akimbo on his side, and holds 
out with his right one, and with a ludicrous show of majesty, 
the candlestick which represents the sceptre. ] 

BECKENDORF. Sire, [King John Tobias Nutmeg bows con 
descendingly. ] I, Dunder Blunder Beckendorf, a native of 
Dusseldorf in the Dutchy of Berg, but a naturalized citizen 
of the United States of America for the last thirty years, 
have the honor of being sent by the President of those 
United States to your Majesty as minister plenipotentiary, 
to represent near your august person the great republic of 
the New World. I am instructed by the President to assure 
your Majesty of his earnest desire to revive and strengthen 
the bonds of amity already existing between the two gov 
ernments. 

JOHN. Mr. Minister Plenipo, I am happy to listen to the 
expression of such sentiments, particularly when coming from 
your lips. I rejoice at the felicitous choice made by the 
President of the United States. It shows his excellent 
judgment. You were born a German, and in consideration 
of that amiable circumstance, I rely on those feelings of 
sympathy which still must lurk in your breast in favor of old 
Germany. You will, no doubt, be a quiet, pacific, and jog 
trot sort of a minister. Thank God ! that the President did 
not bethink himself of sending some fiery native-born 
American, who, with his crazy backwood notions, would have 
disturbed my slumbers, and who would perhaps have run 
away with myself and my kingdom in some newly-patented 
vehicle of his invention. For instance, if he had sent such a 
sharp-witted Yankee fellow as one John Tobias Nutmeg, of 
whom I have heard, instead of a fat-brained, square-toe Ger- 
man burgher as yourself 



132 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

BECKENDORF. [Rushing at himJ] Why you impudent 
scamp ! Let me lay hold of you. 

JOHN. [Jumping from the throne, and running away.~\ 
Guards, to my rescue ! [To Beckendorf] This is against 
the law of nations, Mr. Minister Plenipo. I ll complain to 
your government. 



SCENE VIII. 

[Enter GERTRUDE.] 

GERTRUDE. What foolish mimickings are these 1 

JOHN.- I call you to witness, old lady, the outrageous 
assault committed on a German prince. 

GERTRUDE. Silence, you fool ! No more of this buf 
foonery. 

BECKENDORF. [With a tone of apology in which a slight 
feeling of shame may be detected.] We were only amusing 
ourselves, whilst waiting for you, my dear. 

GERTRUDE. You were amusing yourself, Mr. Beckendorf ! 
like a boy ! at your age ! . . . and in the present circum 
stances ! When all our prospects are ruined and when we 
are going to lose our dear son for ever ! 

BECKENDORF. What is it? How is that? Have they 
proved honest ? It is impossible ! 

[Enter RANDOLPH.] 

RANDOLPH. Good morning, Mrs. Beckendorf. I am very 
happy to see you. 

GERTRUDE. [Dropping a low courtsey.~\ My respects to 
you, sir. [Turning to Beckendorf. ~\ Honest! you say. 
Pish ! they are politicians and members of the Legislature 
. . that is what they are. I saw the four you had designated 
to me they seemed disposed to grasp eagerly at my propo- 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 133 

sitions ; but they said that they were suspected and watched, 
and that it had been settled when they came to terms with 
the other party, that each one of them bound himself to con 
sent to having by his side one of the Governor s confidential 
friends, who would take care to see them put the right vote 
in the ballot box. They appeared to be much mortified at 
this untoward circumstance, but declared it was too late to 
find out a remedy and so the Governor will be elected 
Mr. Lovedale will marry Miss Henrietta our poor son will 
commit suicide or go distracted and we shall all die in des 
pair. [Begins to weep] 

BECKENDORF. Wife ! Wife ! Things are not so bad as 
you think. Gammon is a great politician the best election 
eering tactician in the United States. He can t be defeated 
he is a very devil in wiles and cunning. He will be, after 
all, more than a match for his opponents. 

GERTRUDE. But we must not rely on him altogether. 
We too must be acting on our side. Come along. 

JOHN. To be sure we must be acting. We, Yankees, 
never tire, never rest and never give up the ship. Come 
along, old boss. Let us put our wits together. 

BECKENDORF. [Bustling up..] Yes yes. Let us be mov 
ing heaven and earth. You will find my energies equal to 
the occasion. When I am pushed, there are in me resources 
of which no one has any idea. [To Randolph. ] But before 
I show what I am capable of ... I should be happy to be 
favored with your advice, Mr. Randolph. Pray what shall 
Idol 

GERTRUDE. Ay ! What is he to do 1 

JOHN. What shall we do? 

RANDOLPH. [ With a smile.] Go home . . . and wait. 

BECKENDORF. Wait ! 

GERTRUDE. To wait is to do nothing ! 

JOHN. And to do nothing will not help Mr. Gammon nor 
young boss much, I guess. 



134 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

RANDOLPH. Who knows? A great French politician has 
said : that to know how to wait is a great art. 

JOHN. [ With a grin. ] What our great folks in Congress 
call a masterly inactivity. 

RANDOLPH. Exactly so. 

GERTRUDE-. [Eagerly.] If you would only consent to 
help us, Mr. Randolph ! 

RANDOLPH. You know, madam, that I take no part in this 
struggle, I am neutral and as inactive as a post. 
{Enter TRIMSAIL.] 

TRIMSAIL. [To Randolph.] I have just now received the 
letter which you addressed to me, and you see that I have 
lost no time in coming. 

BECKENDORF. Well ! We leave you, Mr. Randolph, and 
hope that every thing will turn out better than we expect. 

RANDOLPH. [As if wishing to convey a peculiar meaning, 
and looking at Gertrude. ] I am inclined to think so. 

[Exeunt BECKENDORF and GERTRUDE, whom RANDOLPH 
accompanies as far as the door.] 

JOHN. [ Who had remained behind, walks up to Randolph, 
takes him to a corner of tJie stage as if he had some secret to 
communicate, and says mysteriously :] You are deep ! deep ! 
You are a man after my own heart. Deep ! but honest. 
Don t start ! I ll keep it to myself. But remember me 
when you are at the top of the ladder. [With self-com 
placency.] There is no deceiving a Yankee boy. He can 
see through a stone wall. [JEV.] 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 135 



SCENE IX. 

[RANDOLPH looks with a slight manifestation of surprise at 
JOHN as he goes out and after musing a minute or tivo, he 
walks back slowly to TRIMSAIL, and says :] 

RANDOLPH. I beg your pardon for having given you the 
trouble of calling on me ; but I desire a private and confiden 
tial conversation with you. 

TRIMSAIL. I am all at your service, you know. I hope 
that you have reconsidered your late determination, and are 
now ready to be our next candidate for Governor. 

RANDOLPH. 1 persist more than ever in my supreme in 
difference to politics. What I have to say concerns you. 

TRIMSAIL. Me ! 

RANDOLPH. Yes you. You must recollect that you 
initiated me into some of your secrets against my will 
for what purpose you best know and that you compelled 
me to listen to a conversation between the Governor and 
yourself, in which it was understood, impliedly at least, that 
if you voted for him, you would have the vacant judgeship. 

TRIMSAIL. [With some show of anxiety To be sure . . . 
I . . . I . . remember . . . 

RANDOLPH. Then will you permit me to ask if you still 
will vote for the Governor at the coming caucus of to-day, 
and thus secure his election, now that Lovedale is no longer 
in old Crab tree s clutches. 

TRIMSAIL. Undoubtedly. 

RANDOLPH. Well ! you have probably thought much on 
the subject and /have not. But are you sure that it would 
not be safer to resume your old position in Gammon s 
ranks. 



136 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

TRIMSAIL. [Eagerly.] Has something happened that 
throws the chance on his side ? 

RANDOLPH. I do not know. 

TRIMSAIL. Why then do you advise me to go back to 
him 1 ? 

RANDOLPH. I give no advice ... I merely suggest and 
leave the rest to your own consideration. 

TRIMSAIL. [Aside, with increased anxiety. ] There must 

be something in the wind. [To Randolph speaking 

slowly and with a sort of hesitation :] If you only told me 

that you will side with one or the other of the candidates 

... I might .... 

RANDOLPH. [Coldly. ] I side with none. 

TRIMSAIL. [Impatiently. ] If so, why do you wish me to 
be swinging to and fro like the pendulum of a clock ? 

RANDOLPH. Because a pendulum is frequently very use 
ful ... in more than one piece of machinery . . . and if . . 

TRIMSAIL. [Angrily. ~] Mr. Randolph ! I allow my friends 
great privileges and liberties . . . but . . 

RANDOLPH. [Haughtily. ] Sir, let us cut this matter 
short. I am not your friend nor are you mine. But it 
suits me now, for purposes which I need not explain, to put 
you on your guard, and to point out to you your own 
interest. 

TRIMSAIL. Well ! sir, what do you aim at ? 

RANDOLPH. I believe, Mr. Trimsail, that in everything 
you do, you are guided by no other motive than your own 
private interest. Am I in error ? 

TRIMSAIL. [Sulkily.] Admitting it to be true I do but 
follow the example of every other man. 

RANDOLPH. Perhaps. Then if you vote for the Governor, 
it is because you think it is your interest ? 

TRIMSAIL. Yes. 

RANDOLPH. Because you think you thereby secure a 
judgeship ? 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 13f 

TRIMSAIL. Certainly. 

RANDOLPH. You are moved by no other consideration ? 
TRIMSAIL. No. 

RANDOLPH. [Taking out of his pocket the bundle of papers 
Gammon gave him.] Mr. Gammon has put this sealed 
bundle in my hands, requesting me to read the papers it con 
tains and lay them before the Senate, should the Governor 
be elected, and you nominated judge. He says that they 
will prevent you from being confirmed. If it be true, and 
you ought to know it, in my opinion it settles the question 
at once, for, if you support the Governor, you can t become 
a judge, although you may be nominated, that s clear. On 
the other hand, should you go back to Gammon, I am bound 
to return these papers to their owner, without looking into 
them. Then should you come before the Senate, although I 
cannot vote for your confirmation, I know that you will pass 
the ordeal, as there will be nothing laid before that body 
against you. So now, sir, see which of the two sides is 
safer. It is for you to decide. 

TRIMSAIL. [Much agitated.] But . . . but ... if I resume 
my old position . . . there will again be a tie .... and the 
Governor will suspect me. 

RANDOLPH. No my impression is that he will not sus 
pect your political skill of being susceptible of this degree 
of excellence. There are things so peculiar that they can 
hardly be suspected. 

TRIMSAIL. [Angrily.] Sir, I will call you to an account 
for this . . . 

RANDOLPH. [Contemptuously.] Pooh! You are in my 

power and I am not in yours. [Sternly] Beware sir 

beware in time and listen to me calmly, if you please. 

TRIMSAIL. [Curbing his passion] Well sir! well 
sir ! To the point. 

RANDOLPH. Be it so. [ With a hardly suppressed sneer in 
his tone] As I know that you have great confidence in my 



138 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

judgment, allow me to say : that my impression is that the 
Governor, thinking you are indissolubly bound to him by 
your expectancy of the judgeship, will suppose that he has 
been deserted by some one of his friends, just as you de 
serted Gammon for a consideration. This is probably what 
he will presume to be the cause of the tie that will turn out 
to be the result of the evening caucus, if you resume your old 
position with Gammon, and thus offset Lovedale s vote, which 
was prevented from being cast yesterday by his arrest. You 
will thus be safe from his suspicions and he will keep his 
word and nominate you to the judgeship for your supposed 
services. 

TRIMSAIL. [Musingly."] Only tell me, Mr. Randolph, 
that it concerns you that .... 

RANDOLPH. [Hastily. ] It concerns not me but you. I 
have nothing to gain in all this, and no interest of mine to 
serve. Well ! I leave you to your reflections. [Pulling 
out his watch."] Within a quarter of an hour, I must know 
your decision ; for, within a quarter of an hour, I am deter 
mined to open this bundle, or to return it. 

TRIMSAIL. [In great perplexity. ] Pray wait a while. 

RANDOLPH. Good bye, sir. [And walks towards the door. ] 

TRIMSAIL. [In a beseeching toneJ] Stop, Mr. Randolph 
one moment I beg .... 

RANDOLPH. [popping on the threshold of the door."] 
What do you decide, Colonel? [With a peculiar emphasis 
on the word Colonel.] 

TRIMSAIL. I ll vote for Gammon. 

RANDOLPH. Good bye, Judge. [Exit."] 

TRIMSAIL. [Alone."] Well ! I can t help it. Again a 
tie and no election ! This is enough to perplex the devil ! 
[Exit.} 



THE SCENE REPRESENTS A HALL AT THE GOVERNOR S HOUSE 

WHICH OPENS INTO A SUIT OF ROOMS, THROUGH WHICH IS 
SEEN THE ILLUMINATED GARDEN, AND IS HEARD THE SOUND 
OF MUSIC. 

SCENE I. 

[GOVERNOR, HENRIETTA, in full ball dress.] 

GOVERNOR. I hope, my dear, that nothing will be found 
fault with in the entertainment which I give this evening. 
You have, no doubt, superintended all its details. I trusted 
to you altogether, as I know the correctness of your taste. 
It is very near seven o clock the hour fixed in my letters 
of invitation, and at which, therefore, w*f may expect our 
guests. The longer the feast, the better for that sort of 
people who live in small towns. The dancing will be kept 
up until daylight, I presume. 

HENRIETTA. I have been unremitting in my exertions 
to superintend every thing. We are ready for our guests. 
The garden is illuminated and all the servants at their 
posts. 

GOVERNOR. Many thanks to you, Henrietta. [Tenderly, 
and looking at her attentively. ] But I am afraid that you 
have over exerted yourself. You look pale indeed you look 



140 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

pale and drooping as I am sorry to see. Brighten up 
brighten up my dear. Your dress fits you admirably 
you look decidedly pretty don t be confused. Well ! well ! 
I hope the pleasure of dancing will revive you, and will re 
call on your cheeks that roseate hue which has somewhat 
faded away. 

HENRIETTA. \In a melancholy tone.~\ You know, father, 
that I wished, if possible, to avoid taking a part, which must 
be painful to me, in this entertainment. I am not well. 
You have insisted on my presence ; here I am. You have 
hastened my w^edding day, and fixed it for to-morrow I 
have shown, I believe, no signs of disobedience. 

GOVERNOR. I am grateful deeply so, for your ready 
compliance with my wishes. You are the most dutiful of 
daughters and worthy of your sainted mother. Believe me 
whatever pangs it may cost you, and they will be mo 
mentary only, that marriage could no longer be postponed 
after the recent scandal which has happened here the finding 
of that young man concealed in this house, and his quarrel 
and intended duel with Lovedale to which must be added 
the report of your being in love with him and look you, 
daughter as every body is invited to night, I could not but 
extend the same courtesies to the Beckendorfs. It was even 
necessary that they should come, after what has occurred, as 
their absence might have given rise to comments of a disa 
greeable nature. But . . . but . . . Henrietta . . . 

HENRIETTA. Speak your mind, father, without hesitation. 

GOVERNOR. I want you to be courteous but extremely 
reserved towards the Beckendorfs particularly with the 
young man. When he will approach you, you may both be 
observed . . . and . . . 

HENRIETTA. Be at ease, father. I hope that the most 
critical eye will not find fault with my demeanor. 

GOVERNOR. Yes yes. I am sure of that, my noble- 
hearted daughter. [Kissing her on the forehead.~\ You have 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 141 

my whole confidence. Well ! cheer up and please to step 
round in order to see if every thing is as it should be. 
[Exit HENRIETTA.] 



SCENE II. 

GOVERNOR. [Alone. ] When I projected this entertain 
ment, I had some grounds to suppose that it would have been 
the celebration of my senatorial election. But what hap 
pened yesterday has baffled all my calculations. What ! a 
tie for the third time ! When Trimsail and one of his ad 
herents came over to me, some desertion in my ranks must 
have re-established the equilibrium. It must have been what 
a French dancing master calls chasse croise. It is impossi 
ble to foresee what will come out of all this. That fellow, 
Gammon, must be the devil himself. Faith ! I am fairly be 
wildered, and not knowing on whom to rely. But I am 
goaded into emulation, and I ll try a last manoeuvre that 
may stagger old Gammon and throw him off the track. The 
caucus meets in an hour. I have time to lay a trap in the 
old tactician s path. Oh ! here is precisely the man I want. 



SCENE III. 

[Enter RANDOLPH.] 

RANDOLPH. I am glad to be the first on the battle-field, 
Governor. If I incur your censure for my apathy when 
public business and politics are the attractions offered to 
me, I hope that I deserve your commendation for the alacrity 
with which I obey the call of pleasure. 



142 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

GOVERNOR. Thanks for your early attendance the more 
so that I have to talk to you about the subject of your hatred 
politics ! 

RANDOLPH. [Hastily retreating towards the door.~\ Good 
bye, Governor. Allow me to go and present ray homage to 
Miss Henrietta. 

GOVERNOR. Stop, Randolph stop, my friend. It is a 
personal favor it is a service I have to ask of you. 

RANDOLPH. [Coming back.~\ Oh! that alters the case. 
What is it ? 

GOVERNOR. You know what is going on. The involutions 
of treachery have been so intricate, that Talleyrand himself, 
were he alive, could not unravel them. I was betrayed last 
night. That cannot be disputed. God knows what other in 
roads Gammon may have made in my ranks since that time, 
or how far he may have tampered with Tagrag s select few 
so as to draw over some of them to his side. Should this 
happen I am gone. 

RANDOLPH. Well ! but what have I to do with all that ? 

GOVERNOR. Pray listen. A thought has struck me. 
On the meeting of the caucus as a feeler and in order, by 
a sudden bombshell, to throw disorder into the ranks of the 
enemy, I ll start up another candidate and let him loose upon 
them. 

RANDOLPH. [ With feigned astonishment. ,] Another can 
didate ! 

GOVERNOR. Yes; and I am indebted to you for the 
device. 

RANDOLPH. To me ! I never spoke to you on the subject. 

GOVERNOR. No. But, this morning, when I was in my 
office, signing by the dozen the bills which the Legislature 
keep pouring upon me, I confess that, although apparently 
engaged in examining them, I was in reality listening only to 
the conversation which was going on, at some distance from, 
my desk, between yourself and Trimsail j and I was struck 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 143 

with a careless observation which fell from your lips, and in 
which there is more depth and wisdom than you attach to it. 

EANDOLPH. Indeed ! What is it ? what is it 1 

GOVERNOR. You said to Trimsail with your usual tone, 
half in earnest and half in jest : Well ! were I a politician, 
and either in Gammon s or the Governor s place, instead of 
playing at hide-and-seek with treachery, I would suddenly 
burst upon my adversaries with a new candidate, on whom I 
would throw a considerable portion of my forces ; and, in 
the midst of the general dismay and confusion produced by 
such an event, I would make a rally, blow my puppet out of 
the way, and carry the day with the help of some of the 
stragglers, loiterers, or deserters I might pick from the oppo 
site ranks. 

RANDOLPH. Did I say any such thing 1 

GOVERNOR. Yes, and the seed has grown in my mind. I 
have arranged a new plan of operations, and it is in connec 
tion with it that I wish to ask you a favor which you cannot 
refuse for you will not be required to be active. You will 
have only to be passive, and fold your arms. 

RANDOLPH. Faith ! if that is all ... it suits me exactly. 
It is impossible to be serviceable on cheaper terms and with 
less sacrifice of personal comfort. 

GOVERNOR. I have ordered that only five of my friends 
shall continue to vote for me on the first ballot, and that 
thirty shall vote for a new man so that we shall stand : 
15 for Tagrag as usual 35 for Gammon 5 for me and 
thirty for the new candidate. [Chuckling. ] Will not Gam 
mon jump out of his breeches from sheer astonishment 1 He 
will surmise some deep stratagem. It may frighten him and 
some of his friends and as some of them are not far from 
becoming mine, it will be giving them an opportunity to do 
so, by inducing them to lay aside their hesitations and to run 
into my camp, in order to prevent the election of the new 
comer. 



144 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

RANDOLPH. \_Musinghj.~\ Well ! this is no unskilful 
move, I confess but there may be danger in it. 

GOVERNOR. To be sure. But the danger or the security 
is in the choice of the new candidate. He must be a safe 
man and there must be no chance of his election. 

RANDOLPH. That is the difficulty. Pie must be neither so 
weak as at once to satisfy your adversaries that he is used 
merely as a decoy or bugbear nor so strong or ambitious 
as to profit by the momentary diversion made in his favor, 
and glide in leaving you on the wrong side of the door. 
The game is dangerous. 

GOVERNOR. No because I have found out the right kind 
of man. 

RANDOLPH. I compliment you on it. But so far I do not 
see how I can be of any service to you. 

GOVERNOR. By your advice and by answering only one 
question. [Coming up close to Randolph, and pressing his 
arm, he says with much earnestness :] Do you advise me to 
consult the friend whose name I intend to use, or to act with 
out his knowledge 1 

RANDOLPH. [ With indifference.] It might perhaps not 
be prudent to consult him. For he might have some reasons 
to refuse his assent ; and then, of course, you could not pro 
ceed without giving him just cause of offence. 

GOVERNOR. And should he not be consulted ? . . . . 

RANDOLPH. He probably would not take it amiss, as you 
would, no doubt, give cogent reasons for your silence such 
as your desire not to commit or embarrass him your hav 
ing acted from sudden inspiration on the spur of the mo 
ment and the want of time to obtain his consent, &c. . . . 

GOVERNOR. That s it that s it. You are always right 
but here are the Beckendorfs. 

[Enter BECKENDORF, GERTRUDE, MORTIMER.] 

GOVERNOR. [Bowing ceremoniously.] I feel highly com 
plimented by your presence. Mrs. Beckendorf, please to 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 145 

favor me with your arm. I wish to procure for you one of 
the best seats in the ball-room. Gentlemen, please to follow 
me I will introduce you into the refreshment-room. 
[.Exeunt GOVERNOR and GERTRUDE.] 



SCENE IY. 

RANDOLPH, BECKENDORF, MORTIMER. 

BECKENDORF. I feel a choking sensation in my throat. 
[To Mortimer. ~\ Neither your mother nor myself would 
have been in this puppy s house if it had not been to please 
you. We have yielded to your importunities. But how 
will you be helped or benefited in any way by seeing Miss 
Henrietta for the last time 1 You know she is to be married 
to-morrow. 

MORTIMER. [Passionately .] And that knowledge em 
boldens me to make a last desperate effort. 

BECKENDORF. What will you do? Carry her off? 

MORTIMER. No. That she will not consent to. [ Coming 
up close to Randolph, he says to him with much pathos;] 
But she has said to me : " One man alone can save us, if he 
chooses. Go to him pray him in your name in mine. 
He has the power, I am sure, to serve us and he can feel for 
us for he is unhappy himself and he has a noble and sym 
pathizing heart and that man is Mr. Randolph." 

RANDOLPH. [ With suppressed agitation.] Did she in 
deed hold such language . . . and thus speak of me ! . . . 
It is ... it is the dream of a love-sick and romantic girl, 
my young friend. 

BECKENDORF. [ With deep feeling. ] Oh! Mr. Randolph, 
save my poor boy, if you have the power and there is not 
a Beckendorf in the world that will not tear his heart out of 
hir. breast, if necessary, to show you his gratitude. 
7 



146 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

RANDOLPH. [ Who has resumed his self-possession, says 
with a gay and sarcastic tone of levity :] Oh ! oh ! grati 
tude ! . . a fair word ! . . a beautiful one ! and much in use 
too ! The gratitude of man ! a reliable commodity ! . . to 
be sure. [To Mortimer.] It is a very delicate thing to 
interfere in family affairs. But [feelingly ] do I really 
understand you to say that Miss Henrietta has authorized 
this appeal to me in her name, and informs me that the hap 
piness of her life is at stake ! 

MORTIMER. [Eagerly. ~] She has . . . she has . . I assure 
you. 

BECKENDORF. Only promise, Mr. Randolph, to endeavor 
to break off that hateful marriage which threatens to upset 
the wits of the boy . . . and then give a trial to old-fashioned 
German gratitude. 

RANDOLPH. [Tapping Beckendorf on the shoulder, says 
playfully :] How many barrels of your best beer is your 
gratitude worth, my good friend ? 

MORTIMER. [Impetuously, and plucking a rose from Ms 
button-hole. ]-^- Take this flower. It has been sent to me as 
the last token of her remembrance, before her marrying 
another, I thought I never would have parted with it, except 
with life. Take it and if you only say : " I will break off 
Henrietta s marriage with Lovedale" when you send this 
token to me, to father, or mother, your word shall be our 
law. 

RANDOLPH. [Accepting the flower.~] Nothing but your 
youth can excuse your taking so imprudent an engagement. 

BECKENDORF. 1 am an old man and yet I sanction what 
he says. 

GERTRUDE. [ Who had just- come back from the ball-room, 
and listened to her son s sentiment. ] And I, an honest-hearted 
woman, will stand security for both. 

RANDOLPH. [Looking at the rose, whilst twisting the stem 
between his index and the thumb, sa.?, with a 8<trca9tie smile 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 147 

It has the glow of love the fair and vivid hues of friend 
ship [smelling it] and it has a perfume as sweet as grati 
tude but it soon fades and so does love and friendship 
and gratitude. Well ! I ll wear it as an emblem if not as 
a security or a pledge. But I never promise any thing. 
It is not my habit. If I do any thing, you shall know it. 

MORTIMER. Permit me only to say to Miss Henrietta 
that we may hope. 

RANDOLPH. [Pointing to the rose he has stuck in his but 
ton-hole. ] Tell her that I wear her colors and that to so 
much beauty, mind and soul as she possesses. I cannot but 
say. hope. 

MORTIMER. [Rapturously^] May heaven bless you for 
that word, and lighten your heart. \_Gras2nny Randofyh s 
hand, he says meaningly :] For I know that the most gen 
erous and the noblest is not often the happiest. [To his 
mother. ] Come along, mother take my .trm let us to the 
ball-room. Tell Miss Henrietta what you have heard ; for I 
dare not approach her. [Exeunt. ] 

RANDOLPH. [Gfaily to Beckendorf. ] Now, Mr. Becken- 
dorf, after having talked sentiment, we shall talk politics 
for here is Gammon coming. 



SCENE Y. 

[Enter GAMMON.] 

GAMMON. How glad I am to meet you together. You are 
the very men I came for. 

RANDOLPH. See how bells will chime in merrily. You 
are the very man I expected. I want to engage in a cotillion 
and was waiting to have you facing me in the dance. 

GAMMON. Tush ! a cotillion ! at my age ! and when 
mv mind is on the rack ! I am not sure how things will turn 



148 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

out in this fourth caucus to night. I am nearly at my wit s 
end. But I am going, however, to make an experiment. 

BECKENDORF. Ah ! Ah ! What is it ? I always learn 
from you something valuable in diplomacy. 

GAMMON. I think I have hit upon a good device. I will 
show the Governor what old Gammon is. 

RANDOLPH. This exultation promises. 

GAMMON. Gentlemen, please to answer one question. Do 
you know of any one but the Governor and myself who has 
the slightest chance of being elected to the Senate of the 
United States ? 

BECKENDORF. Certainly not. 

RANDOLPH. The chance is even between you and the Gov 
ernor, as the ballot box has shown at three diiferent caucuses. 
I think the result very doubtful. 

GAMMON. Well I When such is the case, there is nothing 
like betting. 

BECKENDORF. Betting ! 

RANDOLPH. Betting 1 

GAMMON. Yes betting ! in order to secure success. In 
every election in which I arn concerned, I never expose my 
self to be a loser. If I lose office, I must win money and 
if I lose money, I must get office. 

BECKENDORF. There is good sense in that. It is business 
like. 

GAMMON. [Tapping BecJcendorf on the shoulder, ,] And 
it is diplomatic too, Mr. Minister Plenipotentiary. Thus a 
confidential friend of mine has made a bet of fifteen thousand 
dollars with Tagrag, who has so far foolishly persisted in his 
candidateship, although he never could muster more than 
fifteen votes. My bet, through my friend, is that the Gover 
nor will be elected. Tagrag s bet is against the Governor ; 
and as this is a very imprudent bet on the part of Tagrag, 
who is in very embarrassed circumstances, and as he has very 
devoted friends, considering that they have stuck so long and 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

so obstinately to him some of them, when <,hey hear of 
this dangerous bet, being fearful of its occasioning his ruin 
should the Governor be elected may come over to me. 

BECKENDORF. But in that case you loose fifteen thousand 
dollars. 

GAMMON. [Rubbing his hands. ] To be sure. In that 
case Tagrag wins the bet- but then I am elected Senator for 
six years. It is something. I lose money, but I get office, 
as I have said. Well! the time for the meeting of the 
caucus has nearly come let us to the State House. We 
have only to cross the street and after having manufactured 
a Senator for the good of the country we shall return here 
to frolic for our own satisfaction. Come on. Mr. Beckendorf 
come on, Mr. Randolph. 

RANDOLPH. The caucus must spare me for to-night. I 
am not the man to leave a ball-room, pretty women, and ex 
cellent music, to attend any political meeting in the world. 
Good bye. It seems that your success is certain. I ll have 
a bumper ready for you, Mr. Gammon, on your return. 

GAMMON. [With a complacent smile and an approving 
wave of the hand. ] Be it so. 

[Exit with BECKENDORF.] 



SCENE VI. 

RANDOLPH. [Alone.] A pretty Senate r, indeed, to pre 
side over the destinies of a nation ! \J3rod ! what are we com 
ing to ! And these are the tricks of politicians of our 
would-be statesmen ! This is what is called a shrewd, keen, 
practical man, not over-burdened with the vain theories of 
common honesty ! And this is the school for politics in 
which every youth must take his degree to qualify himself 
for office in the land, be that office high or low. By my good 



150 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

soul, other arts will be mine ! Let men lay their snares 
let them spread their nets against one another let them fall 
into the traps they have set against their adversaries. I will 
profit by their weaknesses their lies their vices and their 
treachery but I will keep free from contamination. I will 
not corrupt any one but I will use the corrupt for noble and 
patriotic purposes. Trusting none courting none deceiv 
ing none but merely allowing them to deceive themselves 
preserving myself exempt from reproach wrapped up in 
the consciousness of my own might and right I will step to 
eminence to the highest if possible. \_J have found friend 
ship to be but a broken reed that has pierced the hand which 
rested on it love, to be worse than a deceitful shadow and 
egotism and treachery to be the lords paramount of this 
world. There is no such thing as happiness/] It is a fantasy 
a dream of the heart. But there are such things as intel 
lect, wealth, and knowledge of the world, and[^olitical power. 
They are elements of enjoyment if not of happiness. 
Well ! three of these I have ; now for the fourth ! and II will 
have it without forfeiting, nrrmy own estimation, the character 
of a high-bred gentleman.^ A difficult task, to be sure ! 
But it shall be accomplished ; and now to work. [Pulling 
out his watch.~\ Immediate action is required. I must go to 
old Mrs. Beckendorf .... ah as luck will have it, here 
she comes. 



SCENE VII. 

[Enter GERTRUDE.] 

RANDOLPH. Well, Mrs. Beckendorf, how do you like this 
entertainment 1 

GERTRUDE. I have paid no attention to it I hardly know 
what is going on around me. I think of nothing else than 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 151 

that fatal marriage. Can it be broken off"? Have you thought 
of it? 

RANDOLPH. Yes. 

GERTRUDE. [Eagerly. ,] Have you done anything 1 

RANDOLPH. I ! nothing. You know 1 always remain 
passive. But it rests with you to break off that marriage. 

GERTRUDE. Me. 

RANDOLPH. You. 

GERTRUDE. [ With the greatest eagerness.~\ Speak then 
how? 

RANDOLPH. Tagrag, the senatorial candidate in opposi 
tion to Gammon and the Governor, is in the ball-room, I sup 
pose. Is he there 1 

GERTRUDE. He is. 

RANDOLPH. Seek him instantly, and whisper these words 
in his ears : " I know you have betted with Gammon that the 
Governor will not be elected. I, Gertrude Beckendorf, tell 
you that your bet is not safe. If you wish to win, let your 
fifteen votes be cast on the first ballot in favor of Mr. Ran 
dolph, rather than for Mr. Gammon." You will see him 
start with amazement and almost with terror. 

GERTRUDE. What next ? 

RANDOLPH. Nothing further. After having uttered these 
words, pass on, and keep the secret to yourself. 

GERTRUDE. Ha ! are you also a candidate for the Senate ? 

RANDOLPH. [Coldly. .] I thought, Mrs. Beckendorf, that 
the subject of our conversation was your son s aspirations, 
not mine. I want nothing I ask nothing. It is your own 
concern not mine and remember that, if I meddle with 
this affair, it is at your own pressing request, and on account 
of my friendship for Mortimer and my admiration for Miss 
Henrietta. But enough of this. Here comes the Governor. 

GERTRUDE. I beg your pardon, Mr. Randolph. Don t be 
offended. I did not intend to be over inquisitive. What 
you Fay is true. I ought to care for nothing but the happi- 



152 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

ness of my son. He must be saved, the poor boy ! There 
is nothing that I will not do to accomplish that object [Exit 
with precipitation whilst the Governor enters from another 
direction. ,] 

GOVERNOR. It lacks only twenty minutes of the time 
fixed for the meeting of the caucus. My blood tingles with 
impatience. I confess that I am all excitement. 

RANDOLPH. I am afraid that it is my painful duty to com 
municate to you an unpalatable piece of news. 

GOVERNOR. \Ingreat alarm. ] What is it? what is it 1 ? 

RANDOLPH. You cannot be elected. On the first ballot, 
you will be defeated by Gammon. 

GOVERNOR. Good God ! let it be anybody but him, if I 
am to be defeated. I would cut off my right arm to disap 
point him. 

RANDOLPH. [ With a smile. ] It may be done with less 
cost to you. 

GOVERNOR. But how do you know that Gammon is to be 
elected 1 

RANDOLPH. He will, if not checked instantly. 

GOVERNOR. By whom, and how 1 

RANDOLPH. That is my secret. 

GOVERNOR. If he is checked, will it operate in my favor 1 
Shall I be elected ? 

RANDOLPH. No. 



SCENE VIII. 

HENRIETTA. [Entering precipitately ; but seeing Randolph 
and her father engaged in an apparently confidential conversa 
tion, she says :] 1 had come to thank Mr. Randolph for a very 
kind message he has sent me, father . . . but you seem en 
gaged ... I retire. 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. lOo 

RANDOLPH. No, no, you are no intruder ; your presence 
is welcome, I assure you, and even opportune ; for, I have 
good news for your father and therefore what I have to 
communicate to him will prove interesting to you. [Draw 
ing a letter from his pocket, and handing it to the Governor, 
he says :] I have just received this confidential note from my 
uncle, the Secretary of State, who represents the Old Do 
minion in the President s cabinet, as you know. Read it. 

GOVERNOR. [Reading. .] " My dear John, it is the inten 
tion of the President to give the French embassy to Louisiana. 
Knowing your discretion, having full faith in your sagacity 
and judgment, I beg you to designate to me, confidentially, 
the best qualified person in your State, for that important 
mission," &c. . . . 

RANDOLPH. On the reception of this letter, I immediately 
thought of you. What do you say 1 Will it not be a salve 
for the mortification of your defeat ? 

GOVERNOR. [Grasping Randolphs hands and shaking them 
cordially. ,] Indeed, Randolph, I do not deserve to have such 
a friend as you are ! What a pity you are not more ambi 
tious 1 I shall never have the opportunity of doing anything 
for you. 

HENRIETTA. Did I not tell you, father, that he was the 
most generous of men ! [Randolph bows low to Henrietta. ,] 

GOVERNOR. Now cap the climax of my gratitude by de 
feating Gammon, and elect the devil instead of him, if you 
please. 

RANDOLPH. [Smiting."] You know, Governor, that I hate 
both the devil and politics, and therefore I will not meddle 
with either. But your own daughter has it in her power to 
gratify your wishes. 

GOVERNOR. [With amazement. ] My daughter ! 

RANDOLPH. Time presses we have only ten minutes be 
fore us we have no leisure for explanations. Do you give 
me full powers to act ? 
7* 



154 THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 

GOVERNOR. I do. 

EANDOLPH. Very well. [ To Miss Henrietta :] Please to 
sit at that table and take pen and paper ; so all right 
now, write [dictating :] to the Hon. Dunder Blunder 
Beckendorf House of Representatives .... 

GOVERNOR. To Mr. Beckendorf ! 

RANDOLPH. Please to keep quiet, Governor, and to stand 
by your agreement. [Dictating again :] " Dear sir, it gives 
me pleasure to inform you that my marriage with Mr. Love- 
dale is broken off." [Henrietta drops the pen and looks at 
Randolph and her father with intense surprise.] 

GOVERNOR. What jest is this, Randolph 1 You know her 
marriage is fixed for to-morrow. 

RANDOLPH. [Jestingly.] Pish! I have known pledged 
vows to be retracted at the foot of the altar. [Sternly."] 
But, sir, I understand that it was not in jest you gave me full 
powers. 

GOVERNOR. [Stammering with confusion. ] Certainly not 
. . . but . . . what reason . . . shall I give to Lovedale for not 
keeping . . my word ? 

RANDOLPH. [ Turning to Henrietta] Do you love Love- 
iale, Miss Henrietta 1 

HENRIETTA. [With energy.] I hate him. 

RANDOLPH. [Turning to the Governor] What better 
reason do you want . . . than this late discovery 1 Let me 
go on then [to Henrietta] : have you put down " my en 
gagement with Lovedale is broken off" ? 

HENRIETTA. I have. 

RANDOLPH. Please to continue [dictating :] " and my 
ather consents to my marriage with your son." [Henrietta 
starts iip with all the signs of great excitement, and looks at 
her father with an expression of the deepest anxiety] 

GOVERNOR. Oh ! oh ! that is going too far, Randolph. 

RANDOLPH. [To Henrietta] Will you permit me, Miss 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 155 

Henrietta, to ask you if you love young Mortimer Becken- 
dorf? 

HENRIETTA. [Timidly. ,] My father knows it. 

RANDOLPH. [Smiling. ] Another excellent reason, Gover 
nor, for giving your assent. [ With emphasis, and dwelling 
on every ivord.] And Governor remember that I am the 
man to keep faith with those \vho keep theirs with me. 

GOVERNOR. [Shrugging up his shoulders.] Well ! Well ! 
You do what you please with me. Upon my word it is a 
sort of magnetic influence. 

RANDOLPH. [To Miss Henrietta.] With your father s 
consent, please then to resume your seat and to write, " My 
father approves my marriage with your son. Now it is 
your turn to redeem your word. It is my wish that, with 
all those of whom you are the leader, you vote on the first 
ballot for him who owns the rose which I send you in token 
of your sworn obedience." Have you done 1 [Henrietta 
nods assent.] Now sign your name, and seal the note. 

GOVERNOR. What mystery is this ? 

RANDOLPH. No time for explanations, Governor. [He 
rings the bell. A servant appears. Taking the letter from 
Miss Henrietta, and removing the rose from his button-hole, 
he soys to the servant :] Fast across the street to the State 
House, and hand this note and flower to Mr. Beckendorf 
himself. Say that both are sent by Miss Henrietta. 



SCENE IX. 

[Enter GERTRUDE.] 

GERTRUDE. Mr. Randolph, I have followed your advice 
to the very letter. 

T-! .-.\noT.pTi. Thou. Airs. Beckendorf. allow me, for vour 



156 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



reward, to compliment you on the marriage of your son with 
Miss Henrietta. 

GERTRUDE. [Bewildered with astonishment] What do 1 
hear ? Is it possible ? It seems to be a dream. My poor 
boy saved ! [Looking at the Governor. ] Can it be true ? 

GOVERNOR. [Kindly] You see, my dear Mrs. Becken- 
dorf, that politicians have a heart. 1 hope that, for the 
future, you will not think so harshly of them. 

GERTRUDE. [Joyfully] I ll make an exception in your 
favor, Governor. 

GOVERNOR. And, I hope, also in favor of my friend, Mr. 
Randolph. 

GERTRUDE. [ With vivacity. ~\ He is no politician ! 

GOVERNOR. I begin to have doubts about it. 

GERTRUDE. Or if he is one, he is of a different stamp 
from the rest of them. 

[Enter BLACK SERVANT.] 

RANDOLPH. Have you delivered Miss Henrietta s mes 
sage 1 [Servant nods assent] Very good. [A great noise 
is heard at a distance.] 

GOVERNOR. I hear shouts. The caucus balloting must 
be over. 



SCENE X. 

[The noise increases in the street ; shouts Hurrah for John 
Washington Randolph ! Hurrah for Randolph ! are heard 
on all sides. All the characters of the play, with ladies 
and gentlemen representing the guests, senators, represent* 
fives, etc. etc. rush on the stage] 
JOHN. [Breathless] Hurrah for Randolph ! Every body 

voted for him. I am the first to proclaim it ! 

GAMMON. [Hurrying in as if transported with joy.] Let 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 157 

me embrace you, my friend, my dear Randolph ! I am so 
proud of having elected you yes elected you ! As I 
reached the State House, having been informed of something 
that made my election doubtful, I determined to throw all 
my forces on you, my best friend and try your chance 
and I have succeeded to my heart s content. All my friends, 
as you see, voted for you to one man. [ Whilst Gammon 
speaks, Henrietta, the Governor, and Randolph, exchange sig 
nificant glances.~\ 

GOVERNOR. But you forget, Mr. Gammon, that my 
friends voted also for him. 

GAMMON. To be sure to be sure. You deserve credit 
for it but you only followed my example. 

[Enter a servant who delivers a letter to RANDOLPH.] 

RANDOLPH. Ah ! ah ! a letter from Tagrag ! What does 
he say 1 [Reads.] " My dear friend, allow me to compli 
ment you with all my heart on your glorious election. You 
fully deserve it, and I rejoice that all my friends have contri 
buted to it. The best of the joke is, that I win fifteen thou 
sand dollars of old Gammon, who had betted that the 
Governor would be elected. But he can afford to lose that 
sum, after having won bets all his life." Thank God ! I seem 
to be everybody s friend. It is very comfortable. 

GOVERNOR. [With affected sympathy. ] My dear Gam 
mon, did you bet in my favor ! and against yourself too ! 
That was noble indeed ! I am so grieved at your being the 
victim of your magnanimity ! 

GAMMON. [ With a great show of earnestness .] All my 
life, Governor, I have suffered from the exaggeration of that 
quality. But I am too old to reform. 

RANDOLPH. Well ! Mr. Gammon, virtue is its own re 
ward, you know. 

GAMMON. [Sanctimoniously, and putting his hand on his 
heart.~\ I feel here the truth of that sentiment. 

GOVERNOR. Let us all ratify what has been done in the 



158 



THE SCHOOL FOR POLITICS. 



caucus. Three cheers for our new Senator ! hip ! hip ! hip ! 
hurrah ! [They all shout. Randolph bows round. } 

MORTIMER. I come up to you merely to shake hands, Mr. 
Randolph, {lowering his voice,] for I have no words to express 
my gratitude for what you have done. 

RANDOLPH. Be happy and I am rewarded. 
BECKENDORF. [Shaking hands with him.] Do you now 
believe in old-fashioned square-toe German gratitude? 

RANDOLPH. [Smiling.] I always believe in what is 
proved. 

JOHN. [Coming up with some hesitation. ] Will you 
allow a poor Yankee boy to shake your hand ? 
RANDOLPH. [ Warmly.] With all my heart. 
JOHN. [In a whisper.] Didn t I say you were deep 
deep ! What will you do for me now 1 

RANDOLPH. [Imitating his whisper.] As you are a reader 
of men s characters, I ll try to make you postmaster in due 
time and as a beginning provided you don t attempt, in your 
study of characters, to break open letters, as some post 
masters are said to do. 

LOVEDALE. Allow me also to compliment you, Mr. Ran 
dolph. Your election is a most extraordinary accident, 
which must have taken you by surprise. You have got 
what you did not care for what you did not work for! It 
is strange a windfall to a man asleep ! 

RANDOLPH. Well ! Mr. Lovedale I listened with great 
pleasure and profit to the political lecture you gave me the 
other day. But this must satisfy you that success is possible 
also for those who have not studied in your school for 
politics. 

[Shouts outside and inside: Hurrah for John Washington 
Randolph ! Hurrah for the man of the people ! Hurrah 
for the man unanimously elected Senator of the United 
States without intrigue on his part, and even without his 
knowledge and consent. Curtain drops.] 



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